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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in askin ds to play near the house since there has been two near attempted abductions in the area

120 replies

ggirl · 12/10/2011 08:15

don't want to scare the crap out of him but as he and his friends usually play on their bikes/scooters after school I am worried
he's asking awkward questions like-
why would a person want to steal a child?

school have also talked vaguely about stranger danger since the first attempt was reported
another attempt last evening , so have told him he needs to play in garden after school
Am i being hysterical?

OP posts:

seeker · 12/10/2011 12:27

Oh, Ffs. If any of this stuff was true it would be nqtional news! Why don't people think!

Fifis25StottieCakes · 12/10/2011 12:31

well maybe your right seeker as there is nothing recent on the police site but if you type in search it brings up a few older one that i wasnt aware of

Fifis25StottieCakes · 12/10/2011 12:36

www.northumbria.police.uk/googlesearch/search.aspx

found it, its not on main page, i had to type in black car

Triggles · 12/10/2011 12:42

seeker, I don't understand why you are getting so uptight about this?

Things can and do happen. On the balance, it happens rarely. But if there is information that temporarily the risk might be a bit higher, it is only sensible to take precautions. That doesn't mean they are running through the streets screaming... it just means taking sensible precautions. If you have a problem with it, simply don't do it.

And I posted that link not to fuel rumours, but to point out that yes, it can only take a few seconds or a minute. And it does happen. (and it was national news at the time)

Again, nobody is saying she needs to handcuff her child to her to protect them, simply use a bit of caution and have some safety rules in play. When I was a child, in 60's and 70's, we were allowed out to play in the neighbourhood, but still had specific safety rules we were required to follow. It's just common sense, really, to teach safety to your children.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 12/10/2011 12:46

Exactlly Triggles, If you are warned take precautions. I dont believe the police broadcast these things in case they cause mass panic. I am slap bang in the middle of the incident in Newcastle and Sunderland. Im pleased somone put it on FB and im pleased i know about it otherwise i would be non the wiser.

MamaMaiasaura · 12/10/2011 12:49

Ggirl - I'm dibden. Not heard anything but will look at echo website. What radio station was it on? I know there has been some sex attacks locally both on young men and women already talked to ds1 (age 11) about it as he's been cycling to and from school some days.

What schools were kids from, do you know?

seeker · 12/10/2011 12:52

Of course it's sensible to teach children to take sensible precautions and to look after themselves. Who said it wasn't? But it is NOT sensible to react to a Facebook rumour by curtailing your children's freedom or to make them fearful. Child abduction by strangers is so incredibly rare that it's hardly worth considering- even on this thread people have only been able to come up with 2 examples- one in this country 15 years ago, one in America even longer ago.

But people about it all the time and it is so bad for our children for them to think the world is a dangerous place for them and that other people are a threat. When it isn't and they are not.

MamaChoo · 12/10/2011 12:53

The New Forest attempted abduction is in the local paper, I presumed they get most their crime stories from the police? Bit weird, apparently a man dressed as Santa tried to abduct a boy. Santa? Not a pumpkin or even Guy Fawkes?

Triggles · 12/10/2011 12:54

Fifi - if it helps, I worked for the police for quite a few years, and generally, in an "attempted abduction" scenario, information has to be sorted through before they will contact the school and local people about it. A decent description of the suspects and/or suspect vehicle, confirmation that it is not domestic (ie custody/family related), for example. Sometimes they will post officers more closely to the area simply to keep an eye out for suspicious activity first. And it does cause mass panic when they send stuff out. I suppose to some extent they have to rely on parents either being present or teaching their children basic safety rules.

Triggles · 12/10/2011 13:00

Seeker, I posted the one in America simply because it was one I was extremely familiar with, and it showed how quickly it could happen, even though the victim was 11yo and could possibly have fought back some. I'm sure there have been more recent incidents, but I worked with that one and it really struck me how quickly it happened and how completely the girl vanished.

I don't think, if there is possibly some suspicious activity in the area, that it is unreasonable for a child to be instructed to stay a bit closer to home and the general area to play temporarily. A lot also depends on the child - is it a child that would follow through on general safety measures? If not, then I can see restricting their play area a bit more, if yes, then react accordingly.

Triggles · 12/10/2011 13:02

oh, and not to be pedantic, but the one I posted was in 1999, so 12 years ago, which is actually more recent than the one 15 years ago.

seeker · 12/10/2011 13:04

Sorry about that-Maths has always been a problem!

Have any of these "man in a car trying to abduct random children" sttories ever been anything but a rumour?

Fifis25StottieCakes · 12/10/2011 13:06

No i agree triggles, I will go as far as telling my dd's as i did the last time. When i was about 9 there was a really horrible man lived at the top of our street. He stood on the windowsill and flashed his bits. Luckily my mam had told us all to stay away from him and i told her immediatly so she called the poilce. A few weeks later he tried to lock 2 girls in a bin shed. About 10 years later i heard on the grapevine he was locked up for indecent assualt. He was a vile man.

BorisTheBold · 12/10/2011 13:09

Oh I wonder if you're in my area, New Forest village beginning with H. We got a letter home from our school last week confirming this last week and asking to make sure we go to the correct pick-up points to get children, rather than hanging around near the gates.

Triggles · 12/10/2011 13:09

Honestly wouldn't know. I don't pay too horribly close attention to them unless they are in my area just as a basic "look out for suspicious activity" type thing. We walk DS2 to school ourselves, so he's not at risk in that regard.

It's difficult. From a police employee standpoint, often we were unable to confirm anything when people called asking, as it either hadn't been verified yet or people asked for information specifically that we were unable to release. So not really sure if anyone from the police would verify it or not if anyone called. It depends on the situation I suppose.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 12/10/2011 13:10

Not the one in my area. The girl told her parents somone had tried to snatch her. The other one could just be somone child playing up in the car but has been reported due to the 1st incident. TBH there have been a few and the one that happened 18mths ago was an 11yr old boy. There was also rumours of a girl at one of the schools. I dont think anyone can confirm them until something horrible happens

Triggles · 12/10/2011 13:11

Fifi - my goodness, he sounds like a right charmer.

Imnotaslimjim · 12/10/2011 13:12

Seeker, just because its on Facebook doesn't make it untrue. There has been several attempted abductions in my town in the last couple of weeks - 2 just outside my DS's school. The school aren't allowing ANY children to walk home on their own, not even the ones that live within sight distance!

The first I heard of it was on FB. but it has also been on the local police website (and their facebook page) and the local paper. It won't make national news, an attempted abduction is not major news!

My DS is nearly 6, and has recently started playing out the front. I've had to put a stop to that for now, until we know what is happening or if he's been caught

Triggles · 12/10/2011 13:16

On a slightly different note, it is scary that people turn a blind eye to suspicious stuff though. We were at one of those big carboot sales last year, children running loose everywhere, DH had to pick up DS2 (4yo at the time) because he was kicking off, screaming, yelling, kicking feet. He carried him sideways, with DS2 crying and kicking and screaming "HELP" and "NO" the whole way across the place (took us a good 5-10 minutes due to getting through groups of people) and not one person questioned DH about it. (DS2 was in a "scream HELP for everything" stage that proved to be embarrassing on a few occasions)

Yes, they probably just assumed it was a child acting up... but screaming "help" and "no"?

caughtinanet · 12/10/2011 13:28

This is so tricky, we had a letter from school last year and I emailed the local police officer who sent only an acknowledgement then nothing further. There were lots of rumours and people who knew people who knew the girls involved. I still don't know if it was true but tbh a lone man in a car trying to abduct two teenage girls just doesn't ring true to me.

Otoh - I am FB friends with someone in the NE who has posted about the incident referred to by altinkum and I dismissed it as scaremongering, looks like it's actually true.

I think the answer is to take sensible precautions and make sure your children are clear about what to do if someone does approach them.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 12/10/2011 13:40

Im next to Altinkum aswell

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 12/10/2011 13:44

My sister kept hers in entirely. I would. I wouldn't let him out at all.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 12/10/2011 13:48

Altinkum school havent told us anything. Have your schools actually got police on the gates

MamaMaiasaura · 12/10/2011 13:51

BorisTheBold - is that the village near me?

Seeker - wondering how helpful it is to disregard everything posted on fb as rumour, when I was small a man tried to get me to go to his car so his wife could see how pretty I was. I was only 5 or 6. My sister was in sweet shop and I was waiting outside. Luckily my mum had done the stranger danger and I told him my mum was looking out of shop window and shed be cross with me. He was angry and said not nice things and left quickly. My sister told me not to tell mum as we would be in trouble. I did tell her but only after a few hours by which time it was too late for her to do anything.

seeker · 12/10/2011 13:56

"an attempted abduction is not major news!"

Really??????????

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