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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not give in?

41 replies

fatoftheland · 11/10/2011 18:36

My dd (7) decided she didn't want her tea when I dished it up, she got into bed saying she didn't want any. I left it on the side for her and told her several times it was ready and she didn't get up to get it.
She got out of bed half an hour ago and I asked her several times if she wanted me to warm some up for, again she said no so I said i would ask her one last time and if she said no that would be it. She declined any.

So now she is saying she is hungry, I have told her she can take some out of the pan but i will not be warming any up as I gave her enough chances in the last hour.

I feel really mean but aibu to not give in? (probably)

OP posts:
ScaredBear · 11/10/2011 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 11/10/2011 18:37

Yanbu - YOu decide mealtimes not the kids.

SauvignonBlanche · 11/10/2011 18:38

YANBU

IggyPup · 11/10/2011 18:45

My lads, now men in their twenties, used to frequently refuse meals and then 30 mins later make themselves a pot noodle. I had to take measures. Tough ones.

Don't give in, she needs to know that meal times are opportunities to refresh herself not exercise domination over her mother.......(sorry about that)

ImperialBlether · 11/10/2011 18:46

She sounds like she's unwell. Is she normally a good eater? Does she normally go to bed at 6pm?

Original poster
fatoftheland · 11/10/2011 18:48

Thanks ladies, it's not like her to not eat her tea. She has a wonderfully healthy appetite. I am really good usually at not giving in but was realy unsure on this one.
She is looking all sad on the sofa now. Ds will have his warmed up when he comes back from football so wibu to dish her up a small plate then or do I stay strong?

OP posts:
ScaredBear · 11/10/2011 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fatoftheland · 11/10/2011 18:52

ImperialBlether- no she doesn't. she goes at 7.30 usually. I did wonder if someone had upset her but she says no.

ScaredBear- I would just be warming up what we had earlier and as she never ate hers, she would eat that. Feels like giving in though.

OP posts:
JaneFonda · 11/10/2011 18:54

Just warm her food up FFS, I absolutely cannot stand it when parents use food as punishment.

You would make her eat her tea cold? Not on at all.

JamieComeHome · 11/10/2011 18:55

I think warming it up is fine, especially if you aren't sure there's nothing else going on.

elesbells · 11/10/2011 18:55

If she doesn't normally do this then i would just warm it up now....pick your battles and all that Wink

Is she unwell? or maybe just tired after a tough day? maybe she was just too tired to eat earlier...

ScaredBear · 11/10/2011 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieComeHome · 11/10/2011 18:56

and, actually, I agree with Jane. It would be unnecessarily punishing to make her eat cold food.

Ormirian · 11/10/2011 18:58

Yes you should warm it up. It's not as if you are making something special for her. Poor kid. I don't understand why people make such a big stick out of mealtimes.

Original poster
fatoftheland · 11/10/2011 18:59

The food is not being used as a punishment!! She was offered it at several different times over the course of an hour and she was told I would warm it up.

OP posts:
DogsBeastFiend · 11/10/2011 19:00

I wouldn't warm it, not after having had numerous offers of a hot meal declined. She could eat the meal as it is or help herself to fruit, bread and butter etc but there's no way I'd be having a 7 yo taking the mick out of me.

Ormirian · 11/10/2011 19:00

So what's the difference now?

TheOriginalFAB · 11/10/2011 19:02

YANBU

DS2 - aged 6 - was having a strop and went off to his room. I called him twice and then went up to tell him in case he genuinely hadn't heard. I told him his tea was ready and he said he didn't want it. I said okay but I wouldn't be calling him again. He came down 5 minutes later and ate all his tea. I wasn't going to call him again though.

JaneFonda · 11/10/2011 19:02

Why are you making such a big deal out of putting a meal in a microwave to feed your child? Totally ridiculous.

GColdtimer · 11/10/2011 19:03

Just warm it up. It is mean to make her eat it cold.

bigTillyMint · 11/10/2011 19:04

Stick to your guns!

I would warm it if she decides she wants it, but I would not offer her anything else at all.

Original poster
fatoftheland · 11/10/2011 19:05

I'm not making a big deal out of it. I came on here to ask if I was bu to not warm it up at her request after trying to get her to eat it for an HOUR.

OP posts:
HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 11/10/2011 19:05

I would just warm it up when she was ready to eat it.

It's not like she is demanding an alternative meal. She is happy to eat what has been prepared, she just didn't want it at the time you wanted her to have it.

Now she is hungry and wants to eat it. Heat it up.

Have you never not been hungry at a designated meal time and wanted to get yourself something later, or earlier?

I don't always want to eat at times set by other people, or at a set time because I normally eat at that time. When that happens, I have something later.

It's not a big deal. She certainly doesn't need to be 'punished' for not wanting to eat at a certain time. not punished punished but refusing to allow a meal designed to be eaten warm to be eaten warm is sort of a punishment, isn't it?

HeidiKat · 11/10/2011 19:06

YANBU to not offer her an alternative meal but you WBU not to heat up what is already there if she is willing to eat it now, that isn't giving in especially if this is out of character for her and she isn't just being a chancer.

WilsonFrickett · 11/10/2011 19:08

It's pretty unusual for a 7 yo to take herself to bed IMO, so I would be inclined to think she's not well. I would warm it up for her, I think. Whatever activity she normally gets after dinner though - tv or playing or whatever - I would probably curtail. Straight to bed after tea, although I would try do a quiet chat once she's in bed...