to not give in?

[fatoftheland]

My dd (7) decided she didn't want her tea when I dished it up, she got into bed saying she didn't want any. I left it on the side for her and told her several times it was ready and she didn't get up to get it.
She got out of bed half an hour ago and I asked her several times if she wanted me to warm some up for, again she said no so I said i would ask her one last time and if she said no that would be it. She declined any.

So now she is saying she is hungry, I have told her she can take some out of the pan but i will not be warming any up as I gave her enough chances in the last hour.

I feel really mean but aibu to not give in? (probably)

Hecate said what I meant

I still maintain she sounds unwell. Check her throat - my daughter used to become crabby and tired when she was coming down with tonsillitis.

She sounds like a lovely girl. Why would you even think of making her eat cold food?

If she was unwell she would not be hungry, not hungry later than offered. I wouldn't warm it up. If you have a microwave, show her how to do it. I wouldn't offer several times. Missing a meal won't harm anyone, pandering to her and letting her choose her own meal times won't help her. You said one last time to her, so stick by that.

ffs. you could have warmed it up and she could have been eating it in the time it took to rush to MN to post about it...

If she was refusing to eat what you had cooked and wanted something else, then thats different..... she wasnt hungry then.. she is now.

I would show her how to heat it up herself.

I think 7 is a bit young to be using a microwave. Food is notorious for spitting, and a 7 year old would probably be opening the door at eye level. Not something I would risk.

If she doesn't always do this then she is probably feeling off colour or upset. I don't know your dd obviously but unless she is doing this on a frequent basis I would just warm it up and feed her. Rules are not rules if you are ill
, you can often fancy eating at funny times.

I would obviously prefer she ate it warm but I don't want to start down the path of her deciding when she eats her tea and not when everyone else is. She is incredibly pampered by mil when she goes to visit (once a week) and I don't want to bring that home, they will rearrange meals to when dd decides she wants it.

Still not sure if I was bu or not but she is eating it (warm) now so at least I won't go to bed feeling guilty.

Thanks for your replies.

The crackling maternal indignation on this thread!

She hasn't ASKED for anything different! She went to bed the first time she declined her food. She didn't ASK the OP to keep offering her her dinner while she was in bed etc. Now it seems she does fancy something to eat. This is the ONE time she has actually asked for it. Just give her her dinner, warmed up, FFS.

Why get in such a state over food? It's like a child not feeling like dinner until she asks for it triggers some major signal to many posters that she is manipulative, spoiled, on a slippery slope, and deliberately winding her mother up.

Poor child

If she does this day after day, that's different. But this is a child who normally eats her dinner with no problems.

I would supervise her heating it up- just so that she knows it is an effort that was unnecessary. However, if it was out of character I would just think maybe she was sickening for something and heat it up for her.

How do you extrapolate her doing this all the time from her doing it once, when she's normally a good eater?

You should talk to your MIL if you are concerned about the way she's acting with your daughter. You can bet your life she would have been stricter with her own children when they were small.

I actually think that there is something wrong with forcing, or trying to force, children to eat when they are not hungry.

I would hate having to eat something that I really didn't want, like first thing in the morning when I just can't eat, and I think it's probably the same for children.

I think the fact that we make such a big deal out of making children eat their dinner, even when they are clearly not hungry, is a big part of the reason why there are so many people who are overweight or who have food issues.

I think you need to separate the two as well. Most GPs spoil their GCs, and most GCs are well able to re-adjust to the rules at home. If this is a rare occurrance, I'd try not to worry.

If she was doing it every night it would be different but it was the first time she had ever done it
Sk I think you were being unreasonable
Plus the tiredness I bet she's coming down with something
The beginning of a new school year etc
She's not an awkward teen she's an overtired 7 year old

Thanks, think I could have handled it better to be honest. I am a single parent, 2dc and work full time so am really funny about things running smoothly at home and get I do get incredibly stressed (inside) if they don't as it messes up routine. This is my own issue though and need to try to relax a little.

Re: mil. She is a lovely woman and even though I am no longer with her son, we get on really well. DD is first grand child and they spoil her rotten and she basically rules the roost at Nan's.

Cooking lessons for her 10th birthday I think!

Fatoftheland. I hear you about the routines. And as a single mum I'm sure it's hard when you are stressed as there's no-one to bounce your ideas off or take over.