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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if I invite my parents to dinner, I shouldnt have to feed my brother too!!

51 replies

lisad123 · 11/10/2011 16:32

Should be clear his 28 years old but still lives at home. It's nit him it's my parents. If I invite them they insist I put aside a dish for db to take to work or that he can have at home!!

My mum had a stroke earlier in the year and dad is struggling somewhat.
He has said he thinks we should have him and mum round once a week to make it easier on him Hmm. while I don't mind and understand it's not really on to think we should feed db aswell too!

Just so I'm not drip feeding I'm one of four, there is 3 girls and one boy.
Sister 1 has four children, two of which have cerabal palsy, sister 2 is misdee who now has 5 children, and me, I only have 2 but both girls have autism.

As you can see we all have enough to do without 3 extra mouths to feed :(

OP posts:
Saltire · 11/10/2011 16:35

YANBU. I get similar from my mum, except she's not ill, my brotehr is just a lazy git. he's 36 and still lives at home and my mum never comes to visit us without saying "and x to". Really winds me up.

HarrietJones · 11/10/2011 16:36

YANBU tea for parents regularly is ok, although everyone should take turns.

Tea for brother No no no. Especially if he's not even coming Shock

ImperialBlether · 11/10/2011 16:36

For crying out loud, can't he get a takeaway on that night?

I think it would be kind to ask your parents for dinner once a week. I don't think that should include cooking for your brother.

Does he cook for them at all? Does he give them rent? Does he do any housework?

Original poster
lisad123 · 11/10/2011 16:37

Yes he pays rent, no he doesn't cook for them and pretty sure housework is minimal but mainly because his never there!

OP posts:
helpmabob · 11/10/2011 16:37

What about buying cooking lessons for your db as a birthday present so he can do his share of helping out, or just offer to teach him to cook a few dishes yourself. By the way YANBU, just trying to thin of some practical solutions. If DB won't learn to cook, sod him.

OddBoots · 11/10/2011 16:38

What do they say when you tell them you only wish to cook for them not your brother too?

unfitmother · 11/10/2011 16:38

YANBU, he needs to learn to fend for himself.

Original poster
lisad123 · 11/10/2011 16:41

He can cook for himself and manages fine when they go on holiday. He hates that they do it. If I say i won't cook for him they get upset with me. They have also refused to stay for dinner before so they can get home and cook for db Confused

OP posts:
Collision · 11/10/2011 16:43

I would have the parents for dinner.

When they leave and ask for DB's portion just say you have spoken to him and he didnt fancy what you were having so there is none for him!!

OddBoots · 11/10/2011 16:43

What does your brother think? I think I would be quite offended if my parents felt the need to stay home and cook for me rather than go out for dinner despite me being capable of cooking for myself.

cwtch4967 · 11/10/2011 16:44

Sorry but I think YABU - in the scale of things is one plate of food worth falling out over. Be the bigger person and do it to make your parents happy.

Original poster
lisad123 · 11/10/2011 16:47

But it's not one extra plate, it's 3. We are a family of four and 3 extra adults to feed isn't that cheap Hmm

I wish I could say he doesn't want it but he eats most things. He isn't worried about it and says his happy to cook for himself, wish they would listen Confused

OP posts:
supergreenuk · 11/10/2011 16:47

As far as I can tell it's your parents who at fault in this situation not your brother. I don't think you should be feeding him but if it makes your parents happy it might be worth just letting it go. What's the point in falling out about it. Your parents won't change without a fight.

mrskeithlemon · 11/10/2011 16:48

I agree with cwtch4967 yabu. Whats the big deal - don't be so mean!

OddBoots · 11/10/2011 16:59

If it is a cost issue then could you say to your parents that you can only afford to cook for them every other week? They can't argue with that could the? Unless they offer to help pay which also solves the problem.

NoMoreWasabi · 11/10/2011 16:59

HAng on, are you saying that your DM and DF come around for dinner, DB does not and yet you're expected to hand over a box of food for him anyway? Barking.

helpmabob · 11/10/2011 17:07

So it is not your brother who is causing problems but your parents, is that right?

pigletmania · 11/10/2011 17:12

Yanbu at all, I am shock that some believe you are. He is 26 years not 26 months, he can cook for himself. Your parents are prepared to mollcoddle him but you should not be. He is not joining you at the table you have to save a plate fo him. Madness

diddl · 11/10/2011 17:15

I think that three extra adults once a week is a lot tbh.

Is your Dad having to look after your mum?

Otherwise I wonder why he would find cooking for the two of them so difficult?

banana87 · 11/10/2011 17:18

YANBU and I can see where you are coming from. HOWEVER, just send them home with leftovers, hey? Its NOT a big deal in the grand scheme of things and even though they shouldn't stress about what their 28 year old son is eating, they are stressing. Do it for them, not him.

porcamiseria · 11/10/2011 17:19

I get it but this is such an english attitude!!!!!
"We are a family of four and 3 extra adults to feed isn't that cheap"

so if the issue your 2 parents or your 1 brother? Cant you in the short term get economical food like sausages and mince and pasta, which will not break bank for extra portion??? and start to gently encourage him to learn how to cook????

and why the fuck does having 2 dauhters with autism have to do with it? so this means you can't make a slightly larger than usual shepherds pie once a week??

I find this thread sad and mean spirited to be honest, they are your parents FFS

complexnumber · 11/10/2011 17:20

He's happy to cook for himself, so why not have a word with him, ask him to tell his parents to stop expecting you to make him a meal as it makes him feel like a big baby.

Xiaoxiong · 11/10/2011 17:24

This is so weird. DSis doesn't want to cook extra for her adult DBro when he's not even there. DBro doesn't want DSis to cook for him. And yet the parents continue to ignore the wishes of both their adult children!

The parents are the ones who are BU here, not the OP or her brother.

PrivateBenjamin · 11/10/2011 17:26

Agree YANBU OP, your parents are. It is very odd that they are so intent on making sure he eats well, it's like he's a small child, not a fully grown man.

Just out of interest, do your parents go to your sisters houses often? Are your sisters asked to make food for your parents to take home for your brother?

CrossEyed · 11/10/2011 17:30

I would just do it. I think they can't relax and enjoy themselves if they are fretting about what he eats. So for him to be fed too would make a big difference to them. Once you've added two adults then surely one additional one is no big deal?

What help have you been providing so far? It seems sad your dad has had to ask, to be honest.

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