to find this a bit..icky?

[DrSeuss]

My DS, aged 5, came home with a handmade medal on a bit of wool which the class had made and awarded themselves on the grounds that each child desrved a medal "for being me". He also sang a song, the entire lyric of which seems to be, "123, it's good to be me".

My son is a much wanted, much loved child who is told at least once a day that Mummy and Daddy love him. He is praised often but only when he has done something praiseworthy. I believe my child to be the special but acknowledge that all decent parents believe the same about their own kods. Does he need to have a medal for being him? Will life give him a medal on the grounds that he is a sentient being? I doubt it. As a secondary school teacher, this just makes me think of the kind of little treasure we increasingly get in Y7, who think that the world turns on them and cannot bear failure or criticism of any kind. My line would be, you are all special to someone, even if only to God. However, you are no more special than anyone else around here, so get used to it!

Am I a dreadful cynic?

Sounds a bit of a daft song...

But, some kids don't get praised ever ,its better that yours gets too much than some others never hearing anything nice.

I doubt songs like this have attributed much to the development of those precious pupils you are not enjoying

My DS had always been a bighead full of himself

Maybe it wears better in kids- I know a few bigheaded men and...no. Not the most nicest endearing thing ever.

I would have thought that, being a teacher yourself, you would see exactly why the schools need to do things to build up self worth and self esteem.

Many, many children will never get this message at home and will have what little self esteem they may have afforded themselves bashed out of them by bullies and cynical teachers etc.

If they don't think much of themselves then they don't care if they eat healthily, exercise, try hard at school, work hard for exams, should be selective about sexual partners, should avoid drugs...

Self esteem matters A LOT and yes, this method is very basic, but they are only little kids, it should become more specific as they begin to do more specific things to gain confidence at school.

Cathy Burke once told me when I served her a pint"when I was socialising with her....Don't knock yourself...I never do, there's loads of people who are happy to do it for me!"

And because she is a Queen, I will say YABU.

YANBU.
It is important to give your kids healthy self-esteem.

But not so much to encourage rewards for existing.

Lots of support for this viewpoint in parenting literature, as well - like not clapping and going crazy every time your two-year-old manages to feed herself, or else she'll begin to need praise to an unhealthy degree.

Have seen firsthand the dangers of too much praise, as well as too little.

Still, it's a small thing and not something I'd get het up about myself...I'd probably sigh and feel a bit sick though, so I get you, OP!

Oh here we go, posters spitting venom and willfully misinterpreting and demonising the OP - an OP who has said she actively praises and encourages her child but thinks it's importan to strike a balance.

OP you sound like a good, sane parent and teacher to me.

Of course you're not being unreasonable - it is indeed a bit icky.

Sadly I think many of the little thugs who you meet at age 11 are the way they are precisely because they have no self esteem

80% of comments towards children are negative ..... 'no, dont touch that', 'mummy said no', 'dont do that', 'I said no!' ...as opposed to 20% postive 'good girl!'.

Had a slide show on a training course - 70,000 negative comments by the time the average child reaches 16 - thats just the average child, let alone those who do come from families who don't praise at all.

I actually feel a bit that the Op is a teacher and comes out with this gem: As a secondary school teacher, this just makes me think of the kind of little treasure we increasingly get in Y7, who think that the world turns on them and cannot bear failure or criticism of any kind. better that than a child who has no positivity in their life at all and you spend the next five years building it in them..

If only those thugs had made a medal when they were 5.

Stop moaning.

Seriously.

I do feel you, I have also been on parenting courses and have told both of my ds's how fantastic they are etc etc, however my eldest ds now tries to rule the roost as he is "the importantist person here !!!" in his own words, also we cant be negative in any way, so you can imagine how crushed the little darling was when I said "ok, so if mummy wasn't here, what would happen? ...." I wonder if this is why we have the ever increasing egotistical chav population these days???

My husband likes me to blow his trumpet.

Chimneys. That's what they need. Don't know they're born. Or something.

I think it sounds nice, but I am a huge softie and pregnant and hormonal to boot.

Never mentioned thugs. I was talking about some of the little darlings who believe they can do no wrong and whose parents endorse this view.

Some examples from my own experience:-
-a Y11 pupil caught cheating by handing in coursework which he had not written but downloaded. To have accepted this would jeopardise his GCSEs if discovered and our status as an exam centre. Father congratulated son on his enterprise, seeing nothing wrong with it.

• a Y8 whose mother was highly amused that her child told her to shut up while she was talking to me at parents' evening.

• a mother who refused to believe that her son was guilty of assault, despite the attack being witnessed by three teachers and having been caught on CCTV.

And I could go on and on. No, they aren't all like that, far from it. Yes, we also get kids suffering from neglectful parents who scarecly praise them or show them much love. Yes, I do feel desperately sad for them and give them what help I can. However, the Little Treasures and their Mummies and Daddies tend to take up a disproportionate amount of my and my colleagues' time.

gossipwitch, you could put that in a positive way and so he is important part of the family as is every one else but in there own special way.

"123, it's good to be me".

Doesn't equate to overpraising

Your poor DS who has to earn your pride in him.

"He is praised often but only when he has done something praiseworthy"

How do you establish the praiseworthiness of each of his acts btw? Do you have some kind of scoring matrix?

Ta, Proud and Gossip.

Bobbly- I think that's a whole other debate about sex ed in Primary schools!

A friend has just suggested that it might be better to encourage a positive comment about a partner.

I think you should look for another school.

One which doesn't nourish self esteem.

Quick, before they start handing out certificates for effort.

Oh yes, isthisweird, I do. I have score cards to hold up like on Strictly!

Generally, normal behaviour in the civilised world, eg saying please = expected without question = not really praiseworthy.

Sitting nicely through a wedding = effort involved = praiseworthy.
Not that I normally reflect on it to be honest. I praise when I see something to praise. To do otherwise makes praise meaningless.

It is a bit vomulous. I'm a big believer in praising the deed, rather than endless meaningless good boy / good girl you are just so very special because you exist kind of stuff.

However, I guess there are kids out there who probably never feel much love or get praised for their effort & achievements, so maybe they need that kind of stuff in a way some other kids don't.

I thought you might have scorecards. You do sound as though you may have a massive stick up your arse, pardon my french.