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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry and think he should step up ? ?

27 replies

tmmy · 10/10/2011 08:51

HD had been away for work for 2 weeks.DS 5 wakes up every night at 4 ish with bad dreams,getting into my bed and disturbing my sleep, only to wake up before 7. DD 8 Months wakes at 3ish then 5 ish. Some times more .I am tired and SAHM.

I think DH should have gracefully done the morning ( DS goes to school by school bus which picks up out side house.) Instead woke me up asking me to hold the bb.Fine. Then made me watch him pathetically trying to convince 4 year old to get dressed 5 mins before bus arrives. I dont mean to sound like a hag but WTF? It was so unpleasant. When I tried to butt in, he got all pissy like ...Im doing this keep out of it. Erm ? FUCK OFF ? I hold fort. He gets home and wont give me a lie in ?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/10/2011 08:56

YABU. If you want someone to pitch in, don't bitch when they do. Praise their efforts and they're more likely to do it again.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 10/10/2011 08:59

YABU. If you've got one at school and an 8 MO, you can have a lay down when she does.
Alternatively, get DS stuff ready the night before and teach him a bit of independence.

Snorbs · 10/10/2011 09:04

Did you discuss your expectations about this morning with him, or is he a practised mind-reader?

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 10/10/2011 09:07

He did help with the morning routine though he only asked you told hold the baby. He is probably tired too? he has been away working not on holiday. I think you are being unreasonable and a little bitchy to him.

GypsyMoth · 10/10/2011 09:08

Yabu and think you know it!

whathappenedtom · 10/10/2011 09:34

YANBU. It wouldn't kill him to give you a bit of arest since you have been home alone with 2 young children for 2 weeks. Its not that hard getting 2 DCs ready.

GypsyMoth · 10/10/2011 09:36

How did he make you watch him try to dress your child?

nickschick · 10/10/2011 09:38

YABU I dont really get the tired sahm thing when you have a baby and a dc at nursery/school all day ....My ds3 slept 3 hours out of 24 for 3 years,my house was cleaned (by me) the laundry was done (by me) the shopping was done (by me) and ds1 and 2 were cared for and taken to and from school (by me).....everyones tired when they have dc but you can manage your time and stay on top and rest.

worraliberty · 10/10/2011 09:40

YANBU. It wouldn't kill him to give you a bit of arest since you have been home alone with 2 young children for 2 weeks. Its not that hard getting 2 DCs ready

Of course it can be hard if you're not used to it.

It's out of the children's routine and out of yours too.

whathappenedtom · 10/10/2011 09:42

nicks Bravo for you. Hmm

whathappenedtom · 10/10/2011 09:43

Blood y hell op I think you came to the wrong place for a bit of support. Before anyone says it, yes it is AIBU which translates to we can use threads for our own entertainment. Grin

nickschick · 10/10/2011 09:46

whathappenedtom??Biscuit.

whathappenedtom · 10/10/2011 09:50

Thanks nicks, no need really.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/10/2011 10:01

whathappenedtom... 'support' comes in all forms. You've got two adults in that scenario. One knackered from 2 weeks with her children wanting the other to take over the reins. The other just back from 2 weeks working away trying to sort out a child's morning routine and making a mess of it. Both in a foul temper... six of one and half a dozen of the other. She's in the right place for support but the wrong place if she was expecting a nice sisterly chorous of 'leave the bastard'

giyadas · 10/10/2011 10:02

Yanbu, but I hope you didn't actually tell him to fuck off.
and don't leave the bastard him.

Original poster
tmmy · 10/10/2011 10:06

wow. Im a BITCH! nickschick ...woopy for you.
Cogito thanks.That is honestly the best bit of advice

OP posts:
whathappenedtom · 10/10/2011 10:07

Haha, no I don't think she should leave him.Grin Bit drastic.

Original poster
tmmy · 10/10/2011 10:13

Not looking to leave him. It is a big competition between HD and I to prove who is more tired/ over worked. This is bad for our relationship. Perhaps instead of thinking He should step up I should declare defeat and just do it all, thus avoiding arguments??

OP posts:
giyadas · 10/10/2011 10:14

Or talk to him calmly about it?

whathappenedtom · 10/10/2011 10:16

Agree with giyadas. Don't admit defeat and do it all but do talk to him about it. Competitive tiredness not good. Obviously I'm more tired than you your DH, my DH etc. Wink

WoeIsMeAgain · 10/10/2011 10:17

why dont you have a nap now instead of bickering on the internet?

TheSkiingGardener · 10/10/2011 10:19

Games like that aren't good for relationships full stop. Instead of thinking about winning or losing, call the game.

"DH, have some Wine. It feels like we're in a competition here and it's making me feel stressed. Howabout we work out how to get everything done and still get time to give each other a break from time to time?"

nickschick · 10/10/2011 10:22

woeismeagain ....that sounds like good advice.

worraliberty · 10/10/2011 10:23

What is a HD? I assumed you got DH round the wrong way the first time you typed it but is it something else?

Sorry if that sounds thick Blush

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/10/2011 10:25

Don't 'declare defeat', just manage the time better between you, have realistic expectations and don't growl at each other just because someone gets it wrong occasionally. Most people do their best for their children given the chance and there's nothing worse than hearing that 'you're getting it all wrong'. Appreciate what each other does... tell each other out loud what you appreciate. Teamwork, that's all it is.

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