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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that not all school activities have to be inclusive?

85 replies

manicinsomniac · 09/10/2011 21:33

Obviously not going to be able to go massively into detail here but I was approached by a fairly irate parent recently wanting to know why I had not selected her child for a school activity. The child does not have the skill that is required. At all. The activity is audition only and has always been advertised as such. But apparently I am being exclusive and also favouring my own child (who did get in)

To me this is ridiculous. My daughter is good at this skill so she is involved. However, she is most certainly not in two other activites that she tried out for because she is hopeless at both those things! I know that and wouldn't dream of trying to insist that she gets a place.

Obviously school subjects should be inclusive of all children and I also think there should be a good range of clubs open to all (which there is at our school. I run 3 different ones myself and only one has a selection criteria) But, when it comes to such specific skills, surely we have not gone so PC that we can't select children with an aptitude for one activity and leave them out of another??

AIBU?

OP posts:
talkingnonsense · 09/10/2011 21:52

I think that sounds fine op, but iwould suggest a letter every September explaining clearly to parents all the different and lovely options.

Kayano · 09/10/2011 21:52

I'm so glad it was like GLEE in your face 'it's a USA thing' my arse. Grin

GumballCharm · 09/10/2011 21:52

What is a "Show Choir" though?

MillyR · 09/10/2011 21:52

I would say that is fine OP. There is a choir open to all abilities and one open to people of a higher ability. I can't see an issue with that.

Rivenwithoutabingle · 09/10/2011 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peachy · 09/10/2011 21:53

So what about all the otehr buits around the performance?

Stage lighting, backdrops, costume?

It's not about letting people do the things they are no good at, it's about being inventive in your inclusion.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 09/10/2011 21:53

YANBU at all. If there are 3 other choirs - single sex and non-selective joint- then all the children have the chance to join a club.

The 'nepotism' thing is very silly. I feel sorry for the children of teachers. They often have to be better than the rest to get equal treatment because teachers are so careful to avoid accusations of favouritism, and then they get accused of it anyway.

DownbytheRiverside · 09/10/2011 21:53

It's one of the reasons I don't run clubs with any element of competition.
Or recorders.Grin

GumballCharm · 09/10/2011 21:53

Yes, yes...I know Glee clubs wre invente by us but they were not competative originally.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 09/10/2011 21:54

Gumballcharm - you commented twice that I hadn't returned to the thread, suggesting I'd posted and abandoned - I was gone 15 minutes!?!

Apologies if I suggested it was a 'club'. I tried to use the word 'activity' but it was my fault for being way too vague!

OP posts:
PeneloPeePitstop · 09/10/2011 21:54

Bit drip feed-y really.

DownbytheRiverside · 09/10/2011 21:55

Props and scenery are a good support club, if they are needed.
But you'd need someone to run it for free.

talkingnonsense · 09/10/2011 21:55

Also, to a certain extent it is the school policy that matters. If it is clear to everyone and there are lots of other clubs, at that age it is good to begin to learn about auditioning, etc

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 09/10/2011 21:56

Show choirs

It's a good point Peachy. Anyone who accuses the teacher of favouring her own child is unlikely to be happy for her darling to be in a supportive roll, but other children might like to get involved.

DownbytheRiverside · 09/10/2011 21:57

Was the child upset though?
Or just the mother?

Kayano · 09/10/2011 21:57

Gumball is just wrong today op Grin don't sweat it lol

talkingnonsense · 09/10/2011 21:57

Riven, glee is on tv, it is ridiculous and like high school musical with sex, but I love it. Also has lovely eye candy! 12 year old girls love it too Blush

Maryz · 09/10/2011 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmberLeaf · 09/10/2011 21:59

So was the mum complaining that her DD didnt even get the chance to audition?

If so YABU.

If she did audition and she wasnt up to it YANBU

Kayano · 09/10/2011 22:00

high fives Maryz Grin

MillyR · 09/10/2011 22:00

My DD is obsessed with Glee. Her secondary school choice is based on the school having the same cheerleading outfits as those worn on Glee.

She cannot sing well, and will end up in the position of the child in the OP's example. I still think the OP is in the right.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 09/10/2011 22:04

PeneloPeePitStop - sorry, I didn't mean to be drip-feedy, I was trying to give a scenario without any identifying information - didn't work out. But do you still think I am showing nepotism because that worries me a little. I've always hated the idea of teaching my own children for that reason and it's only this year that the oldest has become old enough for it to be an issue. I really don't think I was because she does sing well (it makes sense after all that children have similar skills to their parents doesn't it?) but I am prepared to think over opinions to the contrary as I really really don't want to be that kind of person.

I don't think the other child was especially upset. Child is in the non selective choir as well as all the 'A' teams for sport and many other activities.

I work in a prep school btw so I think there is more of a secondary attitude to competition and aptitude even at primary age.

I also disagree with those who say that sport can be selective but not the arts. A tone deaf singer affects the quality of a choir just as much as an uncoordinated footballer affects the success of a team.

A show choir is a choir that sings musical or popular songs with dance routines or movement and, occasionally, costumes. It's an excuse to be a shameless exhibitionist basically!

OP posts:
bonkers20 · 09/10/2011 22:06

Sorry, I focussed on the use of "club" in the last paragraph.
YANBU.

However, I speak as someone who at school WAS selected for musical, sporty and intellectual activities. I also have a child who is selected for such activities. It must be hard if your child has the enthusiasm but not the ability, especially if that goes on through school. I suppose in that situation I would find an activity out of school where my child did shine. Afterall, that's what you have to do in life. It can be a harsh lesson to learn when you're a child though.

cerealqueen · 09/10/2011 22:06

YANBU. As long as the child got the chance to try out and was judged fairly with all the other children. We'll see that parent on the x-fator auditions in ten years with a deluded child.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 09/10/2011 22:08

If you're worried ask someone with a good ear. As we are online and have absolutely no idea what your DD sounds like it's safe to say it's a knee jerk reaction to you doing the auditions rather than any comment on her suitability.

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