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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to tell DH to suck it up?

50 replies

WorrisomeHeart · 09/10/2011 19:19

Ok, I know that in the grand scheme of things my gripe is extremely trivial but I an sitting here gritting my teeth and need a whinge.

DH, while a generally great guy/good dad/all around nice one, has a very irritating tendency to become a grumpy old man about the weekends, and this has really escalated since we had DS (now 1). I get where he's coming from - I miss having weekends to ourselves, I miss the lie ins and the opportunity to lounge around doing nothing for two whole days, but jeez, every time we have to do something, be it the supermarket shop, visits to family, seeing friends etc, I get this toddler style whinge about how he never gets a weekend and is fed up with seeing people etc etc etc...

I guess one of the main issues is that both sets of grandparents live relatively near so we tend to see them both once a fortnight. That takes most of the day as it's an hours drive there and back, and it's generally us that goes there (that's a whole other thread...) but FFS, it's not that big a deal is it??? Surely it's more important for DS to have a relationship with his extended family. Even when we have a weekend like this one (only one thing pre-arranged) he's been sighing all day about how it's Sunday already and 'where's his weekend gone?' etc etc...

It's getting to the point where I dread having to remind him that we've got something booked in at the weekend as I know he's going to trot out the whole 'woe is me' line. Any advice, or should I just tell him he's being a nobber and be done with it?

OP posts:
Deesus · 09/10/2011 19:22

Tell him he's being a nobber Grin

Original poster
WorrisomeHeart · 09/10/2011 19:23

Grin succint deesus!

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 09/10/2011 19:23

does that mean you spend every weekend visiting family?

Deesus · 09/10/2011 19:25

That's me! Seriously though....I do think he's being a bit of a nobber but maybe the both of you could arrange one totally 'free' weekend a month or every so many weeks or something? While it's nice to see family it's also nice to sometimes not see them ifkwim Wink

LindyHemming · 09/10/2011 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
WorrisomeHeart · 09/10/2011 19:27

Nope, they live near each other so we tend to tag team them all on the same day. TBH I would be happy to stretch it out to every 3 weeks, but DH refuses to 'upset' his lot by trying that.. Hmm (Bearing in mind my MIL said after DS was born and DH was explaining that we couldn't make the trip up because of hvaing a days old newborm 'oh so I suppose we won't see you for 6 months then..' but I digress..)

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 09/10/2011 19:27

Why cant you have a weekend of doing nothing? Surely you should at least once a month, there is nothing to say you can't sit about and do nothing one weekend stay in your lounge clothes, watch films. Why the need for the supermarket run, do your shop online.

ImperialBlether · 09/10/2011 19:27

Do you work outside the house? Do your ILs and parents go to work?

TadlowDogIncident · 09/10/2011 19:28

I agree with Deesus if you're seeing family every weekend - it would drive me and DH completely demented to have to give up a day every weekend to see our relations, and it would be counter-productive for DS's relationship with them because we'd be so hacked off!

On the other hand, if he's whingeing about stuff that just has to be done because the household needs to be run and your DS needs to be looked after so he can't stay in bed all weekend, he's being a jerk - that's parenthood for you.

FabbyChic · 09/10/2011 19:29

As an aside, it does not take two parents and a child to do the supermarket run. Generally when I had youngsters I went alone and left the baby at home with his dad. In this day and age where supermarkets are open until 11 and Tesco's 24 hours there is no need to go food shopping on the weekend.

Original poster
WorrisomeHeart · 09/10/2011 19:30

Fabby I agree, completely. And to all intents and purposes, thats what this weekend has been (apart from one morning visit). Hasn't stopped the whinging though... I honestly think he's just turning into a grumpy old man. Sometimes he makes a joke about it, but it just pisses me off. Hmm, maybe I'm turning into a grumpy old woman! Grin

Imperial we both work outside the house, his parents are retired and mine work.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 09/10/2011 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 09/10/2011 19:31

Have one weekend every now and then when you do nothing and see no one.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 09/10/2011 19:32

We keep one weekend a month minimum for just being at home, but he has to accept that life is not going to be as it was before.

He is being a nobler and needs to suck it up.

Euphemia - I always think that is a bit sad, where seeing the inlaws is seen solely as the responsibility of the one who 'owns' them, so to speak.

TheOriginalFAB · 09/10/2011 19:34

I am on your DH's side and hated it when we had to see the inlaws every weekend. I did it for ages then put a stop to it as I just didn't want to see them that often. Once we had a baby it got easier to not go every week and now we have no set pattern to when we see them.

Original poster
WorrisomeHeart · 09/10/2011 19:34

Zigackly Euphemia... Apparently it would upset his mum too much. To be fair, she has been through a lot recently, but... Although I guess I should be grateful, when we first moved back to the UK we saw them every weekend... Hmm

AllIWant We do! I think it's probably about 1 in every 4 that we have to ourselves - I think he'd prefer 4 out of 4! Grin

OP posts:
smackapacca · 09/10/2011 19:36

Couldn't be doing with relatives each weekend TBH. The ball's in his court though. he can't whinge if he won't change it.

troisgarcons · 09/10/2011 19:38

Wow - I/we saw ILs and parents every day ..... you miss it when they are dead.

Sorry, cant be any more helpful than that.

Original poster
WorrisomeHeart · 09/10/2011 19:38

It's not every weekend, it's once a fortnight.. sorry if i've not made that clear

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 09/10/2011 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EllaDee · 09/10/2011 19:40

Whatever you do, make sure you don't end up being the one who does all teh necessary stuff on your own! I doubt he means badly, but it sounds to me a bit as if he is whinging in the home you'll do the supermarket run on your own, or something. It doesn't take both of you to do that, so maybe suggest a rota weekend by weekend, so one week he takes your DS on the visit and one weekend you do, and likewise with the shopping?

I agree he needs to reduce teh frequency of visits or stop whining, though!

Original poster
WorrisomeHeart · 09/10/2011 19:40

I think part of the problem is that he grew up with no family close, so didn't have the routine of seeing them regularly. Plus his folks are the kind of people who don't do a lot outside the house or have a wide social circle, whereas I grew up with parents who almost conducted an open-house most weekends... He just has to get used to it.

OP posts:
Putrifyno · 09/10/2011 19:41

I couldn't do relatives, or even "arranged" stuff every single weekend - I would go mad. We nieed time to spend on our own as a family, get things done round the house, chill out etc.

If it him that insists on visiting his mum every week though, he has no reason to moan - unless this means something like an hour with his mum then the rest of the day with your family.

Original poster
WorrisomeHeart · 09/10/2011 19:41

elladee no chance as I don't drive! Grin

OP posts:
OriginalGhoster · 09/10/2011 19:41

Does he drink at pre dc levels on weekend nights? I found my weekend grumpiness is improved by cutting down a bit...

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