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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I admit it, I judged (big time) AIBU?

133 replies

luciadilammermoor · 09/10/2011 14:07

Walking through a shopping centre at lunchtime (endless search for shoes to fit DD1), we heard a loud and paniced screaming coming from somewhere. It crescendo'ed as we passed the hairdressers where 4 adults were pinning a little girl of c.2years old against a woman (her mother?) to enable one of them to pierce her ears.

I admit it, I stopped short, held by the sheer panic and fear that this child was shouting out for us all to hear. I judged, I hoisted big judgy knickers up to about my forehead (in my head): just how the hell could someone do that to their child and why the hell didn't the person do it ask whether this really was a good idea/would they like to rethink?

As I say, I judged. I feel guilty now because everything in my body was telling me to go and say 'really? this is so important? why exactly?' and yet I knew I should not get involved. Not my child etc.

But wtf?

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 09/10/2011 15:19

Cassette - they don't have a lot to do with most things, but they get trotted out frequently Grin

Lucia - I'm not sure I would have been able to stop myself from standing between the little girl & the 'piercer' :( Poor little mite. It's bad enough taking them for their injections/hospital stuff, how you could do this for earings I'll never know :(

BatsUpMeNightie · 09/10/2011 15:20

I am also unsure wtf a child's future academic achievements have to do with pierced ears. Anyone explain that one to me?

I thought this debate was about the total wrongness of piercing screaming babies and toddlers. It's about the ghastly parents, not the children.

sheepgomeep · 09/10/2011 15:20

i saw a little boy once in claires accesories going through the same thing, i felt sorry for him and the assistant who was really young and really didnt know what to do.

i really judged that boys mother that day

sheepgomeep · 09/10/2011 15:22

some places pierce both ears together. My 9 year old had hers done at claires recently (her choice)

zukiecat · 09/10/2011 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

picnicbasketcase · 09/10/2011 15:25

I had mine done when I was eight. I really hope DD either never asks to have them done or doesn't ask til she's a teenager, because she's going to be disappointed if she asks before she's about 14. I can't imagine ever looking at a child and thinking 'She/he'd be improved by having holes poked through them.'

BatsUpMeNightie · 09/10/2011 15:26

10 = being able to make a much more informed choice

2 = done solely for the gratification of the chavvy (for that is what it is!) thick-as-mince mother.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/10/2011 15:28

I think the 'early earpiercing being related to future academic achievement' argument is class-related. It argues that piercing the ears of very young children/babies in the UK is a strong indicator of low socio-economic status - something which can also be linked to poor performance at school, due to lack of support at home.

zukiecat · 09/10/2011 15:28

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/10/2011 15:29

Zukie - I never doubted that. Smile

Flojo1979 · 09/10/2011 15:31

I think there is a cultural issue too, excuse my ignorance but a lot of asian background children seem to have them pierced at a v young age, not sure why, and like previously said, chavs!

zukiecat · 09/10/2011 15:33

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Blatherskite · 09/10/2011 15:33

zukie As I said above, guns are a very brutal way to pierce. The hole is made by the earring being forced through the lobe and those earrings aren't all that sharp so the hole is basically torn through.

Needles are much, much sharper and cut a hole through the lobe which hurts less and heals quicker which is why many people prefer them.

pissedrightoff · 09/10/2011 15:34

You seem to have taken this very personally zukiecat and I'm not sure why.

The reason I think it should be included in the 'LGBG' campaign is that 'young' girls should be allowed to decide for themselves (as your girls did) when and (crucially) if at all they have their ears pierced.

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 09/10/2011 15:37

I think it is horrible seeing babies with their ears pierced I think it's even worse seeing them being done.
I had a friend say to me once about her dd "oh don't they look cute?" she had just had her ears pierced and she was about 2. I said actually no I don't.

However the right age thing is always going to be subjective. DD (now 8) was always adamant that she never wanted to get her ears pierced after she asked at about 4 and I told her what they did. She was appalled that anyone would want to put a hole in their ears and said she would stick to clips and stickers.
That was until about March this year. I had always thought I wouldn't allow it until at least the summer between primary and secondary so when she asked it wasn't an option at all. She kept going on and on about it and was really adamant that she had changed her mind and wanted them done.

I spoke to my ex and his wife and she offered to do them (she is qualified) if and when I agreed.
In the end I realised I really didn't have any real objections to it and when dd next went to her dads she nagged and nagged until ex's wife called me and asked what she should do so i told her to do them. 10 minutes later i had dd on the phone with pierced ears 2 weeks before her 8th birthday.
We had had the discussion about being grown up enough to get them done means being grown up enough for the after care etc and she has looked after them.
So I changed my own boundaries as dd got older and changed my mind about what the right age was as I got to know my own dd. So I do think 12 is a bit excessive but also not really sure what age it should be.

thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 09/10/2011 15:38

I dont agree with little babies having their ears done and I wouldnt do any of mine.

But I do NOT think that having your ears pierced as a baby or toddler is ANYTHING like undergoing medical treatment or scans for leukemia and its bloody stupid to compare the two.

Jesus Christ - a few seconds of pain and and being frightened compared to hours upon hours of trauma and stress and being surrounded by strange noises and smells and parents who are on the brink?

FFS.

zukiecat · 09/10/2011 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TalkinPeace2 · 09/10/2011 15:41

I have nothing against piercing, tattoos, circumsision, you name it
BUT
to inflict it on a child who has not made an informed decision that that is how they want to look for the rest of their life is the same as slashing them down the cheek
any form of body alteration should be at the choice of the individual
not based on 'custom' 'religion' 'supersticion' 'habit' you name it

zukiecat · 09/10/2011 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 09/10/2011 15:48

I don't either I had the gun for my ear piercings and it did not really hurt, not that bad but I would not inflict it on a baby/young child.

crazycanuck · 09/10/2011 15:49

TalkinPeace2 I assume when you say you have nothing against circumcision, you are referring to an adult male deciding to have it done of his own accord?

Thzumbiewitch · 09/10/2011 15:50

Don't they spray the ears with that "freezing" stuff to numb them first any more?

Blatherskite · 09/10/2011 15:51

To be fair zukie, I had my own ears pierced with a gun too (I was 17) and had no problems with them although I did find it quite sore.

I suppose it's one of those things where there is a "better" solution so why not use it? Needles tend to be weilded by professional piercers and as someone said, are easier to line up so why trust your child's ears to a saturday girl with an hours training when you could have a needle instead?

Obviously for everyone who's already had it done, it makes no difference.

TalkinPeace2 · 09/10/2011 15:55

crazycanuck
of course,
everybody as an adult has the right to have what they like done to their bodies - they look like fools but that is their choice
BUT
if parents have the right to pay people to stick needles and knives into their children for "religious" or "cultural" reasons, what is the point of assault laws and CRB checks?

crazycanuck · 09/10/2011 16:00

totally agree with you TalkinPeace2 (was a bit confused when I read your first post Blush)