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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get a sound proof room so i can escape dd crying

54 replies

AuntiePickleBottom · 09/10/2011 09:03

it's an ongoing problem where dd crys all the time, it is getting to the point that i really don't want to be around her any more as i know from the moment she wakes to the moment she goes to bed it is contant crying.

OP posts:

tryingtoleave · 09/10/2011 10:05

Sorry, x-post

PeterSpanswick · 09/10/2011 10:07

You have my synpathy too op! My son has just turned two, is very whiney and not yet talking. I am putting it down to frustration due to not bring able to express himself

PeterSpanswick · 09/10/2011 10:09

Posted too soon! As soon as he learns to speak, he will immediately become a sunshine child of delight and joy and obviously yours will too!

mnistooaddictive · 09/10/2011 10:17

Try calpol. When my dd1 was that age we sometimes had days that felt like that. After an hour I would give calpol and most of the time it helped. I don't know if it was teeth or something else but if it helps her and you, then go for it. If it doesn't help I would see your health visitor.

Xenia · 09/10/2011 10:19

Most 2 year olds don't cry that much. I was assuming until I checked it was a baby.

Many many parents of both sectors work full time and that might be part of the solution so that you have the crying for a few hours a day but not all day and at weekends just splie the weekend 50/50 with her father so you have half the days crying and half the day to yourself.

Most of all find out the cause of the crying.

PeterSpanswick · 09/10/2011 10:20

Synpathy? Touch-screen is not my friend today!

Is she getting enough sleep? Ds went through a phase of waking very early and fighting naps through the day and he was unbearably grumpy and would throw a tantrum quite literally at the drop of a hat. We all nearly lost our minds during that particular phase!

CardyMow · 09/10/2011 10:33

AuntiePickleBottom - I think it would be worth talking to your HV. Two children with asd can present in totally different ways - says the person who has two totally different dc with asd. Plus girls tend not to show the same signs of asd as boys IYSWIM.

I'm NOT saying your DD has asd - but it would be well worth ruling it out. Also - wrt to lack of speech - ask for a hearing test to be done. And a referral to SALT.

I REALLY sympathise with you over the crying - DD was the same, all the time. Even now, at 13yo, she has daily sometimesmore tantrums, but it is NOTHING like as all-consuming as when she was 2.5yo - I was ready to walk out at that point! 2.5yo was the WORST time, it does get easier.

Goldenbear · 09/10/2011 10:33

Yes Xenia, what a great solution?? just avoid all responsibility and giving all affection for YOUR 2 year old child by letting someone else deal with her most of the time!

sparkle12mar08 · 09/10/2011 10:34

Agree with some of the others, you seem strangely unconcerned about the possible global development issues your daughter would appear to have (based solely on your own words here), yet the crying bothers you?!

Do you have support to help you, either within the family or from friends etc? Because something sounds dreadfully wrong with this situation. Have you had any contact with GP's, specialists etc for your daughter? Have you told anyone of your concerns? Is anyone listening to you?

PrincessTamTam · 09/10/2011 10:57

Go easy! "global development issues" and "dreadfully wrong" are a bit of a leap from what the OP has stated tbh. I think the point has been made to get her DD checked out, but those scaremongering statements are NOT going to help her. The poor OP is clearly at the end of her tether with the crying and needs some kindly advice and support, not a telling off.

And Golden, I think what Xenia was trying to suggest was ways to get a break from the crying which is clearly doing her head in! Not "avoiding all responsibility..." blah blah. No need to get all judgemental is there?

pigletmania · 09/10/2011 10:59

Blimy some of you are really harsh on the op, don't criticise unless you are perfect yourselves. Constant crying as I know with my dd was draining, it sucked the life out of you, there was no escape from it in the evening as she was not a good sleeper and would wake up and cry every 2-3 hours. Yes I used to read to her, take her out, play with her etc love and hug and cuddle her, but more often than not I would want to put her in a soundproof room and walk away for a little bit. My goodness we are not Mary Poppins, nobody is a perfect parent, cut the op some slack, she also has an SN ds so things cannot be easy for her fgs!

pigletmania · 09/10/2011 11:01

Its only until the later part of the 3's and into the 4 that dd has settled down, she is a lovely little girl, though she has the delays its so much easier now with her, and it becoming a pleasure to be her mummy.

pigletmania · 09/10/2011 11:03

Some people have got their judgey pants hoicked up to their mammaries.

PrincessTamTam · 09/10/2011 11:11

Well said piglet.

Goldenbear · 09/10/2011 11:32

Yes but putting a 2 year old in to nursery full time seems a bit of an extreme solution. It seems like giving up and putting yourself first. I'm not suggesting the OP should be perfect but the reality is her DD may just be going through a moaning stage and not have any SN, in which case you've got to come to terms with the momentary behaviour. My DS was like this and I realised he was bored and found stuff for him to do in and outside of the home. If the OP can afford it i would consider Part time nursery care.
Also, my DS had a very limited vocabulary until 2 and 1/2. He is now 4.4 and the report from nusery remarked on his extensive vocabulary.

pigletmania · 09/10/2011 11:39

Sometimes when your tired and down you think of extremes. Not suggesting that op dd has SN but she said her ds has which can't be easy and very hard, coupled with the crying from her dd. With my dd it was her SN that was affecting her behaviour, since the interventions she has got so much better, I feel better as a mum and more confident in how to manage her behaviour. Its a good idea as her ds as SN to get her dd checked out, might be nothing, but what have you got to loose. I was in denial when dd was younger, that she would grow out of it, but as she got older and children of her age started to be miles ahead of her and the difference between her and her peers was hard to ignore.

pigletmania · 09/10/2011 11:50

Mabey it might be good for the op and her dd if her dd does do pre school, or nursery for a few days if they can afford it. I put my dd into pre school for a couple of days a week when she was 2.5 to be around other children and give me a few hours break.

Birdsgottafly · 09/10/2011 12:01

If the DD was put in nursery it would be an opportunity for staff, who have seen lots of children's development/behaviour, to judge, also.

My DD had to go to nursery because we worked, it was them that picked up on her speech delay and got her into 'the system' quicker, as the GP couldn't fob them off as easy as he had tried with me.

PrincessTamTam · 09/10/2011 12:04

Yes, to me that is a must anyway at 2 - 2.5 cos it gets them used to socialising and a school environment before they go - AND it gives you time to recharge away from them.

Most 2-3 yos are hard work sometimes. My DS2 drove me to distraction at this age and as it happens he was later diagnosed with SLD, he is now a happy, confident 15yo and although no Oxbridge candidate he is doing really well and I am just so happy to have an average child. He did listening therapy in year 4 which REALLY helped him - def worth anyone with SN googling that one, it sounds a bit odd but it changed my DS2s life (and mine!).

PrincessTamTam · 09/10/2011 12:09

Absolutely Birds, it was my DS2s fantastic nursery teacher that picked up on his SLD and he got lots of help very early which everyone says is the key.

pigletmania · 09/10/2011 12:15

Exactly, its being in the system early that my dd delays were picked up

pigletmania · 09/10/2011 12:17

Thats the main thing princesstam

Original poster

AuntiePickleBottom · 09/10/2011 20:53

Thanks for all that has replied.

As I said I will speak to my hv, also going to start a more structured day with dd so she don't get frustrated.

I suppose I may have over looked my dd development of speech as she is hitting every other milestone .

I do feel like the world worse mum as every time we are out I get dirty looks from people as I can't stop her crying. I pack loads of toys, books, paper and pens ect got her a toy trolley to help with shopping every thing I have tried has failed.

It do put me off going to soft play, parks , mother and tots like I did with my son as all she dies is cry

OP posts:

Original poster

AuntiePickleBottom · 09/10/2011 20:54

Does not dies damn phone

OP posts:

girliefriend · 09/10/2011 21:03

I would get an urgent hearing test, my dd was like this and it turned out she had glue ear. It sounds so similiar. It is hard work but if she feels your frustration it will just go round in circles. You probably need to look at how you are managing the tears/ parenting techniques etc - have you got a local sure start centre?

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