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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is a bit weird?

59 replies

BettyDrapersWardrobeElf · 09/10/2011 08:06

I'm pretty sure IANBU but may just be being a bit precious. I have an 11 month old DS and spend a lot of time with a friend who has an 8 mo DD. So we met up yesterday to go for a walk in the park and when I dropped my friend off at her house she hugged me and gave DS a kiss - but like a proper full on mouth kiss? He had his mouth open (cos he's an 11 mo baby) and she seemed to think this was funny and kissed him in the mouth again. I was a bit Shock but didn't know what to say? I feel like I should have said something - like "like can you please Stop doing that?"

So what do you think. Am I being a bit precious or is this really inappropriate? And if it is wwyd? Would you have just left it or would you have said something? Been feeling really guilty about it and feel like a I have let my son down? although obviously he wasn't bothered in the slightest and was his usual smiley giggly self. I just feel like it's weird to do that to someone else's child. We are not big mouth kissers with relatives though, we are cheek kissers so not sure if I'm just out of step with the rest of the world?

OP posts:
pigsinmud · 09/10/2011 08:55

lagrandissima - I like your nan's advice. That's why I find my mil's behaviour repulsive. She doesn't do mouth kisses any more, but she arrives and demands to be hugged, kissed on cheek etc..

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 09/10/2011 08:57

was her mouth open or was the baby's mouth open?

If she kissed him on the mouth with her mouth open then that's quite weird.

If she did a 'pucker up' kiss (looks like a cat's arse Grin ) and the baby was doing what I used to call the wide mouthed froggy Blush then not weird so much as being a pucker up and kiss on the lips type not the cheek/forehead kiss type

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/10/2011 09:01

"I rather doubt you would so in real life."... I can assure you I would and I do.

LoopyLoopsPussInBoots · 09/10/2011 09:01

I have never kissed anyone other than partners on the mouth, until I had children. DD does it naturally and I can't tell her no. Maybe her baby is the same?

YAB a bit precious, IMO.

onefatcat · 09/10/2011 09:01

People who woldn't kiss their OWN CHILDREN on the lips are weird.

WidowWadman · 09/10/2011 09:03

As long as the child doesn't mind I think it's completely ok.

Original poster
BettyDrapersWardrobeElf · 09/10/2011 09:10

Well I guess this just shows the rich diversity of the world doesn't it? People obviously have different ideas about things like this. For the record, my son's mouth was wide open, hers was closed. You have opened my eyes tohow other people feel about it so ta for that. She is a really old friend and pretty thick skinned dpi think in the future I could probably do the "I can't
believe you want to kiss this little slobberface in the mouth" thing and the message would get through without offence.

By the way I don't think people who kiss their own kids on the lips are weird, although it's not something I do myself, but equally I don't think it's weird if you don't kiss your own kids on the lips either.

OP posts:
ScaredBear · 09/10/2011 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ludge · 09/10/2011 09:16

I love my kisses from my two kids, never thought of it as anything other than a lovely thing to do. Didn't realise not everyone did this!

LittleMissFlustered · 09/10/2011 09:17

With my son you get the kiss you're offered. He gets mightily annoyed if you don't do it the way he has that very second decided you need to do it properly, be that a peck on the cheek or the lips.

Is it really a big deal though?

BOOareHaunting · 09/10/2011 09:24

YABU.

If she wants baby dribble in her mouth that's her problem!

NinkyNonker · 09/10/2011 09:26

We all lip kiss in my family. Dd is slighty more slobbery than us at 14 months though. I must admit I wouldn't have thought anything of it, I'm not sure why it freaked you out.

AhsataN · 09/10/2011 09:33

my 23 mnth old ds gives friends and relatives kisses on the lips. i wouldn't have though it was a problem as she is your friend i wouldn't want strangers doing it to my child, but she was only showing affection to your little one.
i never thought of it as being weird of wrong in any way.
if it really bothers you just say could you kiss him on the cheek rather than the lips but i think it may offend her. you know your friend so you after all should be able to talk about this with her.

mmmerangue · 09/10/2011 09:54

My DS (7m) 'kisses' Granny with big open mouth (I think her big lips just look like good chew toys) on her closed mouth. She finds it quite funny and gets him to do it again & again but I find it a little uncomfortable, and her husband makes jokes about 'stealing his missus' so I think he dislikes it too, but they've been at it for weeks so a bit late to reel in... Good luck with the sensitive conversation that I bottled out of! lol

GColdtimer · 09/10/2011 11:25

It would be lips or nothing from my dd2 and the big smacker would be accompanied by two little pudgy hands clasped around your cheeks.

To be honest, it's one of those things that I just wouldn't get my knickers in a twist about. Is it worth upsetting a friend over? Your call but I think you probably are being a little bit precious.

Booboostoo · 09/10/2011 11:48

Personally I find it a bit odd as I only kiss romantic partners on the mouth, I appreciate it's a cultural thing though and other people see it differently.

The other day my friend was leaving and as she was stood saying goodbye her 4 year old reached up to DP saying "kiss". DP leant down and offered his cheek, but the little boy said "no on the lips". To be honest I was quite glad his mum was there because she looked a bit surprised at the request!

EricNorthmansMistress · 09/10/2011 12:16

Little mouths are so gorgeous to kiss! I would kiss friends' DCs on the mouth if that's what they offered to me. They tend to start offering cheeks for kissing at around age 4-5 IME and that's fine. My friend's ASD DD still offered mouth past this age and I discreetly went for the cheek instead, as I knew her mum was working with her on how/who to be affectionate with. I suppose it depends how well you know the parent/s. I wouldn't kiss the DC of an acquaintance on the mouth but of a good friend - sure. But then they would know me well enough to know I don't have face herpes the lurgy.

Yummygummybear · 09/10/2011 12:25

I'm really surprised by how many people there are on here that don't kiss their own children on the lips. I can't see anything weird about it at all. It would feel cold if my DC didn't want to kiss me on the lips as babies/small DC :(

pigletmania · 09/10/2011 12:26

YANBU about a friend kissing your ds like that, but I kiss my dd 4.5 on the mouth, she is so yummy, and kissable and huggable, that I cannot help myself Smile. There will be a time when she will say yuck go away mummy, but her lips are so cute squishy. But I am her mum, I would never do that to any other child apart from my own.

pigletmania · 09/10/2011 12:27

DD also has SN and developmental delays so she appears a lot younger so I tend to see her as a lot younger myself.

Birdsgottafly · 09/10/2011 12:38

We all have the right to set our own bounderies on physical contact. If you get offended at someones request not to cross them, then you are the strange one, you accept people as they are.

It sounds as though the friend needs to learn respect for others, not everyone is touchy feely, you go careful until you know what they consider appropriate.

larks35 · 09/10/2011 13:36

OP - I think yabu to find this weird but as others have said "your child, blah blah"
As for the "And mouth-to-mouth kissing - in British culture at least - is more for lovers than acquaintances" comment and other similar ones - what a load of codswallop! Where was this "cultural" rule set down?
How sad that people feel that certain demonstrations of affection can only be sexual.

pigletmania · 09/10/2011 13:45

It is sad that mouth kissing is viewed by some as being sexual, when the intention definitely is not!

pigletmania · 09/10/2011 13:46

well when I kiss my dd on the mouth its anything but

fourkids · 09/10/2011 15:14

The cold sores etc issue is perfectly valid...however, that aside, my first reaction to the OP was about a hundred ???s and a Confused face!

I'm surprised how many people have replied that they think this is U or and odd thing to do. I'm not judging their/your opinions in anyway, just saying that never in a million years would it have occured to me that kissing a baby/child on the lips was in any way innapropriate. You live and learn :)

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