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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or do I deserve all the eye rolling currently going on here

67 replies

epicfail · 09/10/2011 06:13

Twin DDs who are 14 went to a Birthday sleepover on a farm last night. I was not overly happy as it was a mixed sleepover but the mother assured me that the boys and girls would be well seperated and supervised. In the end only two boys stayed and I believe it all went well.

DDs have just informed me that they had fun being driven around the property with them all loose in the back of a Ute, with no adults present and the 14yo birthday girl driving! But that it was "ok mum, she knows how to drive and we weren't going that fast!" One DD has a massive bruise on her hip from being bumped around the Ute tray.

AIBU to be absolutley white knuckled and seeting with rage that the mother permitted this?

OP posts:

LittleWhiteWereWolf · 09/10/2011 12:15

I grew up in a rural farming community (more than one actually). Didn't mean I was ok with the stupid and dangerous attitudes to safety. Just because no harm ever came to some of us when we were kids doing stupid shit, is no excuse to allow our children to get in harms way, surely?

I am quite shocked at some of the eye rolling on this thread.
OP I'm with you--those parents were far too blase about this. Personally I wouldn't allow my children back there for the next few years.

Original poster

epicfail · 09/10/2011 12:19

OK, so had the worst happened, and the ute rolled (the terrain is very hilly and the tracks very rough, btw), and someone had been injured or worse - would that parent be responsible? Or would it be the twins' fault for getting in the ute?
14 year olds might make the wrong choice (although, not wrong according to some here) or they might succumb to peer pressure - so would the adult who condoned it not be responsible at all?

OP posts:

thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 09/10/2011 12:20

The thing that troubles me about the OP is that it is dangerous.

It is also sounds like loads of fun.

But come on, rattling around in a farm vehicle driven by and over excited 14 year old with no shoes on (I only add that bit because I understand that it is unlawful to drive barefoot and I suppose this is for safety reasons).

My kids have lots of personal bounderies they will need to negotiate (living in a rough common area as we do) so I dont feel the need to give them artificial ones.

I dont wrap my DCs in cotton wool although the temptation is very great. I have lost a child and know how that feels, the idea of losing another is therefore a very real and tangible fear. I also know of many children lost in situations not so different to the one describe in the OP (not exagerating for affect - you do get to know lots of other bereaved parents when you become one yourself)

So I would be going nuts if I was the OP. I do admit that I have a different perspective perhaps. When the worst thing happens that inate 'it wont happen to us' thing gets whipped away and you never get it back.

Original poster

epicfail · 09/10/2011 12:22

Thanks LWWW, they wont be going there.

OP posts:

BluddyMoFo · 09/10/2011 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cussandroid · 09/10/2011 12:24

It's a good opportunity to talk to them about personal choice and safety. How did they feel about getting in the vehicle? Did they think they would be safe? How would it have felt to say no? If one had said no, would the other have found it easier? How much of the thrill was due to fear? Was the fear realistic?

piprabbit · 09/10/2011 12:33

Now would be a good time to talk to your DDs about taking responsibility for the risks they expose themselves to.

In a couple of years time they may be in the position of taking a lift in a newly qualified friend's car (who may or may not have had a drink or a smoke of something), so the sooner they start to think these things through, the better.

They need to learn to say 'no' when saying 'yes' could put them in danger.

Original poster

epicfail · 09/10/2011 12:33

thefirstMrsDV - you are so very right. As a child I lost a sister in a motor vehicle accident and also some dear friends lost their granddaughter in a Quad bike accident. I dont have that innate 'won't happen to me' thing in me either.
Having said that, I am careful not to do the cotton wool thing too - as it was done to me! Hence this AIBU - for a minute I thought - am I just over reacting? but having calmed down, I really dont think I have.

OP posts:

Original poster

epicfail · 09/10/2011 12:35

cussandroid and piprabbit, yes, and I will. At length, when they aren't quite so tired!

OP posts:

pointydog · 09/10/2011 12:38

I would expect teenagers to try this kind of madcap dangerous fun thing. But I wouldn't expect parents to stand back and let it happen. I'd be pissed off with the parents if they knew it was going on.

What's a ute? I'm assuming it's a big, powerful sorta thing?

Original poster

epicfail · 09/10/2011 12:47

They can be pointydog. But not always. We call them utes (utility) erm, Im sure you have them there by some other name. Look like this

OP posts:

Georgimama · 09/10/2011 12:48

I would totally have done what your daughters have done when I was 14 if an adult hadn't stopped me. 14 is not practically adults (and I struggle to take that comment seriously fabby from someone who claims it is virtually abuse to expect a 16 year old to cook a meal).

pointydog · 09/10/2011 12:57

I call that a jeepy truck thing

diddl · 09/10/2011 13:07

That´s what I would call a pick up truck.

I remember riding in the back of one on my Godparents farm.

What I would question would be how carefully it was being driven & how much the driver was being distracted by her friends in the back.

Original poster

epicfail · 09/10/2011 13:12

diddl

Not very,
and, a lot, I am told.

OP posts:

Thzumbiewitch · 09/10/2011 13:17

epic - you're in Australia, aren't you - I don't know about the legality of barefoot driving here, but I do know that it is not illegal in the UK, despite there being a common misconception that it is. I wouldn't think it's illegal here either, judging by the number of people who go around the local supermarket barefoot!

But - in regards to your OP - YANBU to have been worried about your DDs. They should have known better, the scared one should have got out (but did the sensible thing at least by getting in the cab with seatbelt on). As to the rest, I would feel bloody angry too that the other mother didn't stop the joyriding about the land - it is dangerous, especially in the back of an open ute! I'm pretty sure it IS illegal to ride in the back of a ute, but not sure about on private land (definitely is on the road though) - but it's just STUPID. Perhaps you should just concentrate on bringing home to your DDs exactly HOW stupid it is - maybe a visit to the local hospital Brain Injury unit, or Spinal Injury unit, or bring up a list of all the youngsters who get killed in stupid accidents where seatbelts aren't worn etc.

diddl · 09/10/2011 13:20

I think the problem is that she was doing it to show off?

If it was purely to get from A to B maybe not such a big deal.

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