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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have let DP oversleep and miss his football match?

66 replies

LisasCat · 08/10/2011 13:09

It is a long standing gripe of mine that DP sleeps so much at the weekend and eats into the family time he could be spending with our DDs. I appreciate that he works very hard during the week, but actually his lie ins are more down to the fact that he doesn't come to bed until 3am or 4am on Friday and Saturday evenings. Whenever we have plans as a family, or even as a couple, I have to wake him several times before he will haul his arse out of bed, rather than fall straight back to sleep.

So today his team's football match has an early kick off. I only know this because I happened to be in the room when the captain rang him the other day to confirm that they all needed to be at the club by 1pm, which would require DP to leave our house by 12.15 at the latest. It is now 1.05pm, and he is fast asleep upstairs. Any second now the captain will call to ask where the hell he is.

So WIBU not to wake him, given that he had not deliberately made me aware of the early kick off, he did not set his alarm, or do anything else to make sure he got up on time? I'm hoping that the grief he'll inevitably get off his team might finally be the kick up the backside that I have failed to get across, that he needs to take responsibility for his own time-keeping at the weekend, rather than relying on me to mother him. However, ten other men are about to be let down by his absence, for which I feel a teeny bit guilty.

OP posts:
AnyCorpseFucker · 08/10/2011 13:33

I would watch the fallout with detached amusement

Then say something like the Hamster said

I would not be playing games with a selfish fucker like this

oldraver · 08/10/2011 13:34

Whe does he spend time with you and the DC's if he is asleep/playing footie most of the weekend ?

AnyCorpseFucker · 08/10/2011 13:36

The football is one thing, everyone is allowed hobbies

But the lying in bed while you do all the shitwork and child care ?

What's all that about ?

And please, in his defence, don't trot out that tired old chiche "but he's a good dad really"

unless this man is a shift worker and lying in until 1pm is his rest time there is no excuse for prioritising yourself over the family in this way

ChippingIn · 08/10/2011 13:40

Other than his ability to sleep the mornings away, he sounds like a nice bloke. So why the hell does he do this? Why does he stay up so late then sleep the weekend away?

Proudnreallyveryscary · 08/10/2011 13:41

Hmmm I'm torn. I understand why you've done this, but I wouldn't.

My dh has long lie ins on the weekend - til about 11am. It used to do my brain in because I've always been an early riser, even before the dc. We used to fight about it all the time. Well I yelled, he shrugged!

But now I think it's a luxury/treat that I don't begrudge him having - he works hard, does the lion's share of housework, does loads with the kids during the week so I let it go.

It's all about balance.

Original poster
LisasCat · 08/10/2011 13:43

No, there isn't a defence about the late mornings. They piss me off. But he knows this, and although he doesn't fix the situation, he does do things to make amends in other ways, often ackowledging that it's an apology for being so lazy at the weekends. I just got bored of having that battle a long time ago. It's a frustration, but certainly nothing serious enough to warrant cries of "leave the bastard".

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 08/10/2011 13:43

YANBU He's an adult, it's his responsibility to make sure he gets up on time.

DownbytheRiverside · 08/10/2011 13:43

I used to wake my teenagers up for school and college if necessary, but not for fun stuff they had planned. So they learned how to manage without mummy. Your DH is an adult, behaving like a teenager.
Men-children like that irritate me, he needs to grow up and be responsible.

Original poster
LisasCat · 08/10/2011 13:45

Agree with proud, sounds exactly the same.

And Chipping I think it's just the little boy in him that stills feels like going to bed before midnight on a Friday is admitting that he's now a grown up and old age is only a stone's throw away!

OP posts:
BruciesDollyDealer · 08/10/2011 13:47

i bet the football has been cancelled or delayed or some such and he knows that full well hence not having set alarm :)

Original poster
LisasCat · 08/10/2011 13:48

Aw Brucie, where's the fun in that scenario?

OP posts:
Proudnreallyveryscary · 08/10/2011 13:50

Yes it does sound similar to my situation - I also gave up the battle a long time ago! I guess it's just making sure you genuinely feel the balance is right. I do - this morning, he has cleaned the house from top to bottom after emerging from bed at 11.30. I'll do stuff with the kids this pm while he watches sport but tomorrow he's taking them out to see family then he'll cook us all a roast etc etc

Booooooyhoo · 08/10/2011 13:58

yanbu not to wake him, it's his responsibility to get up o time.
but YABU to think him getting a bollocking from his manager will in anway affect the lie-ins he takes when he hasn't got football. he will not associate fucking up for football as being the same as taking the piss out of you at home, not unless you bloody well bollock him aswell.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 08/10/2011 14:08

Must be shit to have a Dad that spends all weekend playing football and sleeping.

GypsyMoth · 08/10/2011 14:11

He's still asleep?

ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 08/10/2011 14:12

so is he still asleep just now!? I dont think I could physically stay asleep this far into the day and I dont have children! (hence no real reason to be up at the weekend)

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 08/10/2011 14:15

Hang on.......

You have a baby dd.......
He is the best player on the team.......
You know his place is secure........

Are you Victoria Beckham?

Grin

YADNBU, David sounds like a wanker, tell us more.......

BruciesDollyDealer · 08/10/2011 14:16

I dont think I could physically stay asleep this far into the day and I dont have children!

nor me, well i do have kids but they are fully grown and do their own thing. I feel out of sync if i get up past 9.30 lol

MamaMaiasaura · 08/10/2011 14:23

YANBU!! And my DH agrees. I'm sahm and dh Leaves for work mon-fri at 7. At the weekend he's up with the kids usually around 7 7.30. Recently he's let me sleep in as im heavily pregnant and he wants p make sure I get rest. As one off I slept till 10 and felt incredibly guilty for missing so much of the day. Your oh is taking the piss IMO and needs to get his arse to bed earlier.

jade80 · 08/10/2011 14:28

I was thinking 'bit harsh on the others on the team.' Then I thought 'nah, they'll have a reserve!' I think you would have been UR to wake him up. Shame you couldn't video and upload the reaction when he clocked he had missed it!

diddl · 08/10/2011 14:31

Of course YANBU.

I presume he could have set the alarm?

Will be interested to know the outcome.

SnapesMistress · 08/10/2011 14:45

Is he still asleep? Dear Gott in Himmel :o

Blatherskite · 08/10/2011 14:53

Dh had a "lie in" this morning. He was up by 9.30!

I'd feel grotty for the rest of the day if I slept that long

Original poster
LisasCat · 08/10/2011 14:53

So he woke up at 2, and I nonchalently asked "no football today?" to which he replied "yes, but I'm a twat and slept through". He actually looks really ashamed of himself, and said he doesn't know what he'll tell the manager, and the rest of the team will be pissed off with him. So perhaps now this'll open the door to him taking a bit more responsibility for getting himself up.

And no, it's not David Beckham. My DP can use words of more than 1 syllable!

And to those who say they physically couldn't sleep this late, me neither, but then I'm a morning person and DP is very much an evening person. I do housework first thing before getting ready for work or taking DD1 to school, whereas he's pretty useless first thing in the morning, but will happily do the washing up/clean the kitchen/hang out laundry at midnight, by which time my limbs simply do not respond to commands any more. Just takes all sorts.

OP posts:
SheCutOffTheirTails · 08/10/2011 16:11

The advantage of being a night owl married to another night owl is that if my DH tried to give me some guff about how he needed to sleep until the middle of the afternoon on weekends because "that's the way he's made" I would immediately know it for the arrant bollocks it most definitely is.

The only people I know that sleep that much in the daytime post-adolescence (regardless of all-night farting about) are my Grannies.

Is there something wrong with him? It kind of sounds like it. If not "lazy, shite parent", then something more serious? I have some thyroid problems and only when things were at their very worst was I spending that kind of time in bed. What time did he retire?

When do your children see their father?

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