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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect anybody to care that I'm afraid?

64 replies

cantreachmytoes · 07/10/2011 18:05

I'm 41+6 days pregnant. Induction (pictocin/sythocin or whatever it's called) date not set, but obviously looking incredibly close. This is my first child.

I am completely exhausted - the last two weeks have been more tiring both physically and mentally than two months in the rest of the pregnancy.

As I understand it, induction is a last resort, because the contractions are more painful and it leads to more interventions - i.e., doctors will allow an elective cesarian, but not an elective induction.

Almost everybody, both those who have given birth and those who haven't, seem to think that it's 'just' an induction and that my fears about it are all unfounded, if they even pause from talking 'how great it'll be to meet your little guy' and then go on about how amazing their kids are.

It's not something I've been going on about and I haven't been the pregnant woman who has spent 9 months talking incessantly about their pregnancy.

AIBU to expect very good friends to care in the slightest? I'm actually afraid and nobody seems to care (other than my poor husband, who is also starting to get a bit worried).

OP posts:
worraliberty · 07/10/2011 18:08

Aww don't be afraid

I was induced with my first 2 DCs and it wasn't that much different to giving birth to my 3rd...when I had no induction.

It's all scary stuff whether you're induced or not so I imagine your friends are just trying to put you at ease.

thisisyesterday · 07/10/2011 18:09

people do care... they're trying to make you feel better by saying it'll be fine and that you'll get to meet your baby

i realise that sometimes you just need to moan and have those feelings validated though!

induction isn't always that bad... i've seen quite a lot of positive induction stories on here

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/10/2011 18:09

YANBU... but I think this is their way of caring. Friends aren't trained counsellors and they don't know the 'right thing to say'. Mostly they seem to be trying to divert you from the procedure and they're asking you to think of the outcome - which is a pretty standard reaction if someone says 'I'm worried', if you think about it. If you really want to express your fears, do so with the professionals who will be carrying out the procedure and who are 100% responsible for putting your mind at rest. Your midwife and gynae team

squeakytoy · 07/10/2011 18:11

My mate went well over with her 2nd last month and was induced. Everything was fine and she was home in two days with her healthy baby. I am sure you will be fine but I would say its totally understandable to be worried with your first more than anything. :)

buttonmoon78 · 07/10/2011 18:12

Really though, it WILL be ok. I've had 2 inductions out of 4dcs. I had an epidural for one but not the other.

It is not unreasonable to be scared at this stage full stop. Life's going to change hugely soon. Enjoy the ride Smile

Wurg · 07/10/2011 18:13

Of course you're nervous, especially if you've been looking at some of the induction experiences on here or via Google. Please remember though that if you're anything like me you'll remember the worst and most extreme stories.

Hell, most people have a perfectly straightforward induction that is no more painful than a regular labour, but they don't tend to post their stories as much..

gethelp · 07/10/2011 18:17

Have you been taught any relaxation techniques? Now is the time to do them, it's natural to feel scared. And being tired and worried is an awful combination. Good luck, it really is very exciting!

MajorB · 07/10/2011 18:22

The problem is that birth is so common place that everyone forgets how scary it is for the individual.

I guarantee you every woman who has had a child has been scared in the run up to childbirth, however you will get through it.

If you get the chance try to get hold of some hypnobirthing CDs to listen to, I know it sounds a bit lentil-weaver but it really does help to calm you pre & during birth.

Good luck!

valiumredhead · 07/10/2011 18:28

Well it is ALL scary this giving birth lark!

Your friends are focusing on the good bits and so you will you when the time comes. I remember that feeling of being scared but it is SO worth it I promise :) x

BaldricksTurnip · 07/10/2011 18:32

I had my third DS two weeks ago. All three times I've been induced, all births straightforward, all babies healthy. Their weights were 9lb 12oz, 9lb 12oz, and 10lb 1oz! I just had gas and air all three times and I coped ok. Fear before anything as major as giving birth is totally normal, when you're in it you will cope, and if you need pain relief you can ask for it. Hope it goes well for you.

4madboys · 07/10/2011 18:40

i have had 5, induced for all of them and was scared every time, its normal! but it went fine each time, even had ds4 in the birth pool, all 10lb 13oz of him!

have a plan, but be prepared for the fact that you may change your mind, or circumstances may dictate that you have to.

good luck xx

Roseflower · 07/10/2011 18:46

Im 40 weeks today and sitting here just waiting!

The thing is,induction or not it is an exciting but scary time for any woman facing labour.

I was induced with dc1- I got an epidural and it was fine. If you want to know the truth I just went to sleep and they woke me up in time for pushing!

Look im in the same boat as you, wondering about induction but in the meantime its all very exciting looking out for the signs and why not give all the pineapple/ curry and sex theories a go?

It may not work but you can have fun trying!

Original poster
cantreachmytoes · 07/10/2011 18:48

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

It's true that I haven't read a SINGLE account of inductions going "smoothly". I know that any birth can have complications at any stage, but it seemed that it is always: induction = complications + much more pain.

Throughout the entire pregnancy, I have been really chilled with a "whatever happens happens" approach, but the "whatever" did not include induction! It did not cross my mind that I could end up going to the hospital before having a single contraction!

OP posts:
Original poster
cantreachmytoes · 07/10/2011 18:51

Roseflower - don't think I can eat another pineapple in my life! Had curries with extra chili sauce, been bouncing, acupuncture, bumpy car journeys, raspberry leaf tea, homeopathic concoctions, evening primrose oil..and after all that, not only am I not dilated, my cervix is still to the back!

OP posts:
Roseflower · 07/10/2011 19:06

Well you could try a bit of sex- if you can be bothered!

I don't know how you feel about pain relief but maybe just ask for an epidural as soon as labour is established then you can have a nice snooze!

I know this sounds weird but I have packed my bag with things to look forward to after the birth- nice new pj's, a brand new going home outfit and some treats! It some how normalises things a little and gives you something to look forward too (other than baby of course!).

duvetdayplease · 07/10/2011 19:09

Hiya, I was also terrified at induction, thought it was a slippery slope to a two day labour with every possible intervention. It was fine, in the scheme of things. The contractions were very painful (nothing to compare too in terms of pain levels of course but I know they were very frequent so rather intense) but I managed to cope with a lot of relaxation techniques, and the main thing was I didn't need any other interventions.

I think quite often people are crap at dealing with fear and other negative feelings, so yes, I do think your friends etc are not being very supportive but I think that is often what people are like, often people for the best of reasons want to cheer us up rather than let us feel scared etc.

I totally understand how scary it is, I was sh*tting myself, but I also know it can be just fine.

Best of luck x

hayleysd · 07/10/2011 19:12

Am sure they're trying to help rather than scare you, I was induced with both dc's, ds1 I was in labour 3 hours with no pain relief and ds2 20 mins with no pain relief and no interventions with either I would choose to be induced if I have another if possible as I would be too scared to go into labour at home as hospitals are all an hour away!

pink4ever · 07/10/2011 19:12

I was induced with my 2nd ds. Was a very fast labour-1 hour and a half from start to finish. I wont lie it was painful-full on contractions with 10 mins of them putting in drip. But I managed with no pain relief and it really wasnt that bad.

Perfectly normal to be a bit scared but your friends are just trying to be supportive-you deserve a medal for going to 42 weeks. I had all my mine at 38 and that was more than enoughGrin

wantstosleepnow · 07/10/2011 19:13

You dont have to have an induction. You do know that dont you?

You can have extra monitoring if you are worried about the baby, but there is no reason, if the baby is ok, why you should be induced.

I have 4 DC. DC1 was 11 days late, I was induced
DC2 was 14 days late, I refused induction, he was fine
DC3 was 21(!!!!) days late, she is fine
DC4 was 19 days late, she is fine.

PM me if you want me to tell you more about my experiences.

Good luck whatever you decide

its your choice

Arion · 07/10/2011 19:14

The other thing to point out (lots of people have spoken about the induction experience) is you don't have to be induced, it is your choice. The majority of hospitals / midwives book you in for an induction as a matter of course at the timing for their trust (some at 10 days overdue, some at 12 days overdue). It's kind of presented as a done deal but you can opt for monitoring if there is no immediate risk (i.e pre-eclampsia). Th monitoring checks that your placenta is still working and if the baby is not overly large you ay prefer to go that route?

I went in at 12 days overdue but was in real state as I didn't want to be induced. Consultant cleared me to go home, came back at 14 days overdue, no gel, waters broken and onto drip within an hour because contractions didn't start spontaneously (although I was 3cm dilated when I went in).

I think that I was so stressed about induction that my labour couldn't start so try not to worry (easier said than done I know). Also try not to get guilted into anything without being sure, you get this spiel about how they can't do anything without your consent but then start talking about the risk to the baby and guilt you into things. To put this into context, I got guilted into the induction with statements like it doubles the chance of a still birth to go over 14 days overdue, but when we checked after the birth the actual risk is something like 4 per 3,000 at 42 weeks and 8 per 3,000 at 43 weeks, so yes it doubles but it's not a statistic like 25% rising to 50% which would obviously be a big concern!

Good luck with the birth and remember that lots of people have more than one. Try not to listen to the horror stories as everyone is different, also inductions have lots of different stages and you may not need the drip.

Arion · 07/10/2011 19:15

Xpost with wanttosleep! Sorry for epic post there!

YaMaYaMa · 07/10/2011 19:16

Oh I was exactly the same - read awful stories and was terrifed in a way I couldnt explain to anyone without sounding like a loon. But it was fine I suppose. I've only given birth once so nothing to compare it with but basically it was 6 hours from breaking my waters to my daughter arriving. I had gas and air, tore because she came out with her arm up like Superman, and could have gone home the nexy day if it wasnt for the problems I had with breastfeeding her.

It took me a while to 'process' the birth but I think that's fairly normal.

Good luck, I hope everything goes smoothly for you.

Bubandbump · 07/10/2011 19:16

I now have a 4mo DD and I can honestly say that labour isn't half as bad as I thought and my induction was brilliant - I had been in labour for 3 days at this point..

I got really upset when they said I had been too long labouring and should be induced but the reality was that it was fine and she was born 6 hours later.

The pain is useful pain, there is a purpose for it and it wasn't as bad as I expected. If it gets too much, there is an out by having pain relief so you know you can deal with it.

IMO labour is nothing compared to having a non sleeping newborn!

thesurgeonsmate · 07/10/2011 19:18

I also have a positive induction story. Not sure the details are that relevant, but I think that given that it can go smoothly you should try to get back into the "whatever happens happens" spirit of things. I'm sure it will stand you in good stead!

diggingintheribs · 07/10/2011 19:22

Go for a long walk - can sometimes help (gravity I believe!)

It's perfectly normal to be afraid - it is a brand new experience and no matter what anyone tells you it is something that you can only comprehend once you've done it yourself.

The thing is, you do have to remind yourself that there is a point to this - there will be a baby in your arms shortly and the whole prospect of birth will be a distant memory.

If things were that bad I wouldn't have had the second!!