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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think our neighbour is weird and to be wary of him?

103 replies

MumblingRagDoll · 04/10/2011 18:20

We live in a quiet cul de sac and we are on nodding or chatting terms with nearly all the neighbours.....but the man who lives at the bottom...4 doors from us, is reserved and never says hello unless you REALLY look him in the eye and he cant avoid it....fair enough....but......my DC are 7 and 3 and the 7 year old goes out the front which is all open plan and rides her bike a lot....I usually keep an eye on her from the kitchen window

Whenever she does, he appears at the front of his property and messes about with something....he loiters iyswim.

Hes never actually DOING anything, just now he was sort of pushing his bin around...repeatedly re-positioning it.

My 3 year old wanted to go out so DH went with her and thats when he saw the neighbour kind of peering at our older DD from the cover of his garage...he was JUST inside and half hidden. Hmm

I cant see his house from my window as it's on my side....

AIBU to ask the police for one of those disclusure things?

This man lives alone and is about 55. He seems "normal" if shy/anti social.
WWYD?

OP posts:
DownbytheRiverside · 04/10/2011 18:38

If he's shy and socially inept, he could just be a people watcher, and young children are an uncomplicated delight to see. Unlike their parents.

SauvignonBlanche · 04/10/2011 18:38

What has he actually done wrong?

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn · 04/10/2011 18:38

Do you watch for him when your DDs aren't out? how do you know he "only appears when she's out"?
And how on earth can him looking at her do her any harm. Unless he's called Scott Summers he isn't going to hurt her by looking at her. Maybe he was a goth once upon a time and likes her style.

StrandedBear · 04/10/2011 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 04/10/2011 18:39

lifechanger* WHERE did I say I was going round telling the NEIGHBOURS?

FFS

OP posts:
helpmenow · 04/10/2011 18:41

What do you want us to say MRD?

squeakytoy · 04/10/2011 18:41

I saw your above post. I still stand by what I said.

If it were a woman would you be rushing to the police.

You do realise, even if his police record was blemish free, it just means he has never been caught...... just like almost every other adult your children come into contact with.

Teach your child not to go into a house with someone who they do not know, and without your permission. Teach your child to tell you if anyone makes them feel uncomfortable. And get on with your life.

As you probably know, most abuse is within the family, with people who are trusted family members. I would be more worried if this man was constantly trying to engage your child in conversation and inviting them into his house, but as it stands, no harm is coming to them if he was to stare at them all day long.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 04/10/2011 18:41

Right.

Fuck my instinct

Man hide in garage and stares at child

Man appears EVERY time she plays out and looks at her.

Man pretends to be doing something OTHER than hidinn garage staring at child.

Mumsnet says "How dare you be protective?"

Fuck the lot of you.

this is a waste of time....i'm done with this place.

OP posts:
diabolo · 04/10/2011 18:42

I would agree with the posters who think he is far more likely to be concerned that your DC might damage his property in some way. I hate it when other kids from the village ride their bikes outside the front of my house (and throw sweet wrappers in the garden).

Just because he doesn't want to talk to you doesn't make him a paedophile.

Roseflower · 04/10/2011 18:42

I would assume maybe he goes outside when your family or there as he is lonley and desperate to strike up conversation? If he is shy maybe he just hoping someone will approach him?

Why dont you go out and talk to him and just out your mind at ease? If your still feeling uneasy then you cannot ignore insticts, but go with an open mind.

DownbytheRiverside · 04/10/2011 18:42

In all fairness MRD, you are coming across as the sort of person who might well start a whisper campaign about him being a wrong 'un and then out come the pitchforks.

diabolo · 04/10/2011 18:42

Ooops - missed the flounce there.

worraliberty · 04/10/2011 18:43

Anyway, what if you did manage to get a 'disclosure' (not that you will) and the Police said "Yes, he's a convicted child molester"

What difference would that make to you, considering any single one of your 'friendly' neighbours could be child molesters...either convicted or undetected.

So what do you hope to achieve apart from scaring your child into never playing out again?

MrsSleepy · 04/10/2011 18:43

What the actual fuck??!!!!

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 04/10/2011 18:43

My guess would be that he might have social issues, or OCD, or just be a little bit unusual. Part of life's rich tapestry.

Your use of the term "pedo fear" makes me lose just a little respect for you

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 04/10/2011 18:44

Oh and what squeakytoy said

KatieScarlett2833 · 04/10/2011 18:45

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHEELDREEN!!!

Broken Britain...

Allgrownupandnowheretogo · 04/10/2011 18:45

Hello

Giving birth fine tunes our intuition (I blame the hormones!) and it can be difficult to keep under control, but you should not beat yourself up for caring. Make sure the chap knows that you are aware of him, without being threatening or intimidating. Give him a wave every time you see him. I doubt very much that he has an unhealthy interest in kids, but just make sure he knows that you know that he's around.

OddBoots · 04/10/2011 18:45

If you feel wary of him you are not unreasonable, we all have instincts and feelings and these are difficult to ignore, there is nothing unreasonable about that. It would be possible to react in an unreasonable way but your feelings aren't unreasonable.

LadyBeagleEyes · 04/10/2011 18:45

My old neighbour died last year.
He was a bit of a loner, and when I moved in next door he used to love the kids running round
My son came with me to his funeral.
He was a lovely man who gave ds a Christmas present every year.
He was actually gay as well.
Should I have kept him away in case he was a paedophile?

usualsuspect · 04/10/2011 18:47

Has OP flounced?

poor bloke

StrandedBear · 04/10/2011 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PetiteRaleuse · 04/10/2011 18:49

How can you be sure he was hiding?

I just think people are too suspicious. Keep an eye on him if it makes you feel better but don't jump to conclusions. It's horrible to automatically think the worst of lone men.

Salmotrutta · 04/10/2011 18:49

Deary me! A flounce!

squeaky talks sense - you never know who your neighbours might be.

Exercise sensible precautions and teach your children about how to look after themselves. If she's old enough to be out and about on her own she's old enough to know about stranger danger and not going anywhere you don't know about presumably/
I'd like to start a campaign to bring back the old "Charlie Says...." information films.

Roseflower · 04/10/2011 18:49

Why are people being so harsh? I cant see anything overly "red flag" in the OP but has no one ever had an instict that something just isn't right?

I think OP you need to find a way to reassure yourself- the easiest thing is too talk to him first (not accusing I mean just general chit chat)

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