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AIBU?

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Original poster

To challenge my friend on what she is eating?

60 replies

HullEnzia · 04/10/2011 17:32

I think my friend is starving herself. She is totally in denial about her weight, says she's massive, fat, frumpy etc when the truth is she's about 5ft 10in and only weighs 10st. She is skinny, she just doesn't see that.

She makes out that she eats a healthy balanced diet but today for example she has eaten: cooked meat and grated cheese on a TEACUP size plate for breakfast. Nothing else until lunchtime when she ate a chicken salad (with nothing in it other than chicken, lettuce and cucumber) with a tiny actimal yogurt and for dinner she's had a small slice of pizza with more salad and that's all she's eat all day.

I am actually worried about her to the point where I feel I should say something.

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 04/10/2011 18:12

If she is going on about how fat/frumpy she is, and dieting when she doesn't need to, then she might well have a prob.

Unfortunately that prob seems to be shared by a large % of the female population so I don't think you can say anything really.

It doesn't sound like much food to me I have to say.

worraliberty · 04/10/2011 18:17

We don't know she's dieting. That sounds like a perfectly normal day's food to me.

Andrewofgg · 04/10/2011 18:20

MYOB!

GetOrfMo1Land · 04/10/2011 19:36

I always say I am fat and frumpy, no matter what size I am.

bigkidsdidit · 04/10/2011 19:48

That sounds like hardly any food to me

I always thought I ate pretty normally but it seems I am a piglet Grin

Saying she wants to be 9 stone does seem a but low but at least she is eating healthy regular meals. She might eat more when on her own, once I've told someone I'm on a diet I'm too embarrassed to instantly cave and eat normally in front of them

flicktheswitch · 04/10/2011 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Firawla · 04/10/2011 20:38

it sounds ok wouldnt say she's starving herself, just dieting. leave her to it if she was starving herself diont think she would be having cheese or pizza etc

flicktheswitch · 04/10/2011 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fatlazymummy · 04/10/2011 20:40

I wonder how many calories there are in that amount of food? I would guess not very many at all, depending on the size of the pizza.
There again, what can you do? She is an adult, it's up to her what she eats. I suppose it depends on how much weight she does lose, at the moment she is a healthy weight so nothing to worry about.

RedHotPokers · 04/10/2011 20:42

Many, many moons (and 3 stone) ago I weighed 9.5 stone and I am 5'11". I was thin, but not skinny, and I worried about having a fat stomach. Some people are never happy with their weight.

I don't think your friend has a problem, but you could perhaps keep an eye on her and see if she loses any more weight.

nethunsreject · 04/10/2011 20:44

I'm those dimensions but eat a fair bit more than that, though I'm bfing atm. I certainly eat a lot more fruit and veg and a couple more portions of carbs.

I am well aware though that I am slim - at the lower end of normal. The feeling 'massive, fat' bit is not desirable, whatever your dimensions.

Proudnscary · 04/10/2011 20:51

Oh dear lord I feel so fat now. I am 5 ft 2 and 10 stone (size 10) and thought I was just shy of looking too overweight. Judging by all the comments on here I am seriously delusional!
In all seriousness I have two 5'11 friends and they all weigh nearer 12 stone and don't look fat so this sounds quite light to me.
Maybe I live in fat world with a bunch of fatties.

smartyparts · 04/10/2011 20:53

She is not underweight!!

nethunsreject · 04/10/2011 20:58

Proudnscary - nah, you just always get the skinnies on these threads. I'm a skinny thing at this weight, slim at 11, slimmish at 12, podgy at 13 and fat at 14 and I am 5'11

fatlazymummy · 04/10/2011 21:00

proudnscary remember there is a lot of variation on normal healthy weight. I am 5 ft 3 and I am aiming for just under 10 stones. That will give me a BMI of 24. As long as I exercise to keep toned I know I will be happy with that, as I have been that weight in the past.

crumpet · 04/10/2011 21:01

The NHS seems to think it's a healthy weight: height/weight chart

Even at 9 stone she's be a shade underweight only

When I am slap bang in the middle of the "healthy weight" section for my height, I do feel sluggish and podgy - I realise that I feel much better when I am slightly at the lower end of the "healthy weight" section, and my clothes fit better too.

ChippingIn · 04/10/2011 21:03

Different people carry weight in different ways - a weight that looks good on one person may look awful on someone else. Just keep an eye on her and see how she goes - if she is still losing weight & getting too thin then you will need to speak to someone else close to her and see what they think - see wht you can do together. YANBU to be a loving & caring friend.

slavetofilofax · 04/10/2011 21:05

You are over reacting, your friends size and diet is fine.

I'm usually quite slim (not always, normal weight for me seems to vary between 5-6 lbs) and I have a friend that always tells me I'm not eating enough, or I'm looking too thin. I eat fine and I look fine! The truth is, she is very overweight, and I think it makes her feel uncomfortable if we are having lunch and I choose a salad while she wants a triple sandwich and crisps. So instead of acknowledging that she is eating too much, she prefers to make out that I am eating too little.

JiminyCricket · 04/10/2011 21:08

I understand why you're worried, and its less about WHAT she weighs, or WHAT she eats, than how significant the change is in what she's eating/weighing. The health impact of rapid weight loss is considerable, and the psychological effects can mean that food and weight take on too big a focus, which isn't healthy. The truth is, there's not much you can do. You could point out gently that a lot of people who 'crash diet' end up putting on weight in the long run, and tell her that you think her size and shape are 'just right', while also finding a chance to remind her that there's more to who she is than just her weight. But I wouldn't push it, it could seem like you want to sabotage her diet, which is 'her thing', so agree to disagree and stay on her side.

aldiwhore · 04/10/2011 21:10

My mate is 5'8" and 10stone 8lbs, she looks perfect to me. She's on a diet, she wants to be 9stone again like she was a couple of years ago.

It doesn't matter if I think she looks better now.

OP start to worry when your mate reaches her target and still isn't happy or is still eating very small portions.

I've lost 2 stone recently (seem to be saying that a lot on here at present, I make no apology, I'm chuffed) and everyone is saying how much better I look, well done you, don't lose too much, don't get obsessive (erm, I lost 2 stone by being obsessive, that's a diet) etc., etc., I've had more annoying comments, like "don't lose any more you look fine as you are" and "if you lose anymore you'll look gaunt"... ARGH! I'm still 13stone and 5'6" and about as far away from skinny as you can get without splitting me into two people... then they may have a point.

My own mother is worried I'll be checking out pro-ana sites and not knowing when to stop.

They may all have a point once I become underweight (which I have no intention of doing - I like my bum and boobs on the curvy side) but until then they will be met with a big fat fuck off.

OP at present YABU. When your mate is underweight, and if she's still not normalising her portions to something more healthy, then you will not be unreasonable to worry. Until then, if you say too much, you will piss her off immensely.

lizzieloubee1 · 04/10/2011 21:12

I'm 5' 8'' and I weigh less than 9st. I don't think 10st and only two inches taller makes her underweight, I'd say it's about perfect.

Maybe she felt sick and didn't want to eat much?

Ephiny · 04/10/2011 21:16

proudandscary - I agree with those who said there's a wide range of healthy weights for people of any height. Don't think there's much point comparing yourself with others as we all have different builds and body types.

I'm 5'2" as well, I think 10st is near the upper end of the 'healthy' range for us, so your assessment of yourself sounds about right. Personally I felt I looked a bit too fat at around 9st, but then I naturally have quite a slight build, and I'd gained fat while losing muscle mass (stopped exercising, started comfort eating)! Someone else of my height and the same weight might look absolutely fine, if they were more muscular or had a larger build.

Proudnscary · 04/10/2011 21:26

Arrrgghhh Ephiny you've made me feel worse Wink - all I can see are your words 'I looked too fat around 9stone'!!
I think I look fine at about 9st7, I am a bit porky pig at the mo.
Thanks Lazy and Nethuns for your kind words...now where's the Biscuit and the Wine...

Ephiny · 04/10/2011 21:36

Sorry, that wasn't how I meant it Blush. I'm sure you look fine!

Irishchic · 04/10/2011 21:46

OP Yabu I think.

I am 5ft 10 and 9 and a half stone. I eat a huge bowl of porridge for breakfast, sandwich at lunch, and a big dinner. I dont snack between meals and I am always on the go. i feel healthy and my jeans feel ok, I dont think that I am underweight though I do get a toid a lot that I am so skinny etc but its just my build, and the fact that i move a lot and eat healthily. I dont think you need to worry about your mate..maybe if she was under 9 stone, that might be a bit OTT, but ten stone is fine, and if she wants to lose a few more pounds, so what?

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