to be annoyed that this person keeps asking us to donate more to sponser her...

[mumofbumblebea]

A relative of DP is asking us to support her for something she is doing for charity (not saying which-annonymity etc). The charity in question is one that my partner and i already donate to on a regular basis (£20 per month) but we decided to sponser her as well (£5 - not much but we have another baby on the way and as i said we do already donate to the charity). Well before we donated (which was only a week after being asked as we just didn't get round to it sooner) we got loads of text messages, emails, facebook messages etc basically telling us to, and now that we have we keep getting messages asking us to donate more! what annoys me as well is that it is a cancer charity, both my parents have suffered from cancer and my father unfortunately didn't recover and died young (and not that long ago). in all these texts, emails etc to us she keeps going on about people suffering and support for families etc and if i'm honest it bloody annoys me and i just don't want to hear it atm...i already deal with this charity, i know people suffer and it is horrible, however i think she should pick her audience and be grateful that we are already donating.
if i'm honest, i think she is doing it for attention and so that everyone can say how wonderful she is which grates on me. we have given other members reasons why we have not donated much (basically we know that a large proportion of the money that is raised from people doing these one-offs is used up in the administration put into processing the money, whereas the way we choose to do it entails very little admin costs and allows the charity to budget long-term). i respect what she is doing and i know that she is raising the profile of the charity, but i just don't want to be asked for more money or to see all these depressing emails etc at this moment in time when i am still grieving myself.
DP wants to call her and telling her not to include is in her mailing lists, private facebook messages, texts etc and that she is been insensitive asking us for more money. however i can just see it going down like a lead balloon and us being called tight etc.
so are we NBU to be annoyed, or are we just being tight? before i get slated i do respect people for doing these things for charity and asking people to donate, but surely there are limits?

I don't want to make myself unpopular here, but:

If your mum wants to go trekking that's great.

If people want to donate money to Marie Curie, that's great too.

Why are the two connected?

Are you saying that if your mum went to people saying 'I'm having a drive to raise money for a cancer charity. Would you be able to donate a couple of quid?' they would say 'On your bike. I'm not giving to charity unless someone treks somewhere for it'?

What about if she took the time and money she would have used to self-fund her trip, and used it to organise a charity event that could raise money and that LOTS of people could enjoy, like a concert, or a film night, or a cake sale, or a fete or something?

Mostly, the people being asked to donate money for the charity care about the CHARITY, not whatever the person says they're going to be doing for it. They're not that interested in the trekking/climbing/kayaking/holiday part. If your mum said to all the people who sponsored her: 'Actually, I decided that, rather than pay for flights and insurance to go trekking, I would add that money to your sponsorship and give the whole lot to Marie Curie' do you think that people would be appalled and demand she return their money?

tigermoll Marie Curie is her chosen charity. She does do fundraising drives that people can enjoy and take part in.

On another note, when in India last year she visited an orphanage after her trek and now pays the yearly wage of a staff member there so that they can employ one more person. Out of her salary. So it can hardly be said that she does all this for a free holiday and praise upon her return

Findraising expeditions generate much more interest and enthusiasm than every day fundraising, and so - more money for the charity. Many people think its brave, kind, and amazing to climb a mountain for a charity. To work so bloody hard to raise the money.

yippeekaiyay i agree that those events are a good form of advertisement and it is wonderful that she does so much for charity. but tbh, if someone is just raising money for a charity rather than a sponsership i'm sure most people would donate just as much. can i just ask though, would your mum ever have the nerve to ask for more money off someone that had already sponsered her? and to keep nagging about it?
to all who are interested, received a very hufty email from said person yesterday afternoon asking why i got DP to call when she is only trying to help people (i didn't ask him to call, he did it himself, he's a big boy and can use the phone himself you know ). apparently she wants to raise as much money for the charity as possible. should i reply and tell her that in that case we will make our donation directly to the charity so that none of it is eaten up in expenses and admin?

"should i reply and tell her that in that case we will make our donation directly to the charity so that none of it is eaten up in expenses and admin?"
Yes, I would. She sounds a real delight, OP.

mumofbumblebea no she wouldn't. And there have been times when people haven't coughed up after the event and she has paid it rather than ask repeatedly for the money

trois - that is some brass neck! These things are always going round my work too and I never sponsor them.

I do, however, always buy coffee on the macmillan coffee mornings, wear jeans on the jeans for genes days, donate cakes and buy cakes from charity bake sales etc - those ways of raising money seem so much more sensible because they have minimal admin and expenditure involved compared to a charity bike ride/bungee jump/abseil UNLESS the person is paying their own expenses.

YANBU OP asking for money again after you've already received it is rude, rude, rude. And yes, you should tell the person you will donate directly to the charity so they get more of the money. What possible comeback could she have - "no, don't do that, you need to donate it to me because otherwise I won't raise enough money to do my charity run/bikeride"?

I wouldn't want money I donated to charity to go towards someone's holiday! YANBU.

I will sponsor anyone who would take a week off work to do work in a residential home - they could earn £280 in wages from the home for that week and then give it to charity and then add sponsorship money onto that.

Lonely elderly people get a new face to chat to, the charity gets money and no-one has to dig out their passport and suncream - everyone is a winner

Many people think its brave, kind, and amazing to climb a mountain for a charity

Ok, well, bully for them. I don't happen to agree.

Brave: What's so 'brave' about it? They aren't in any danger. And if even they are, then their 'bravery' serves no purpose.
Kind: Most of the kindness in this scenario comes from the people who actually donate.
Amazing: Depends on your definition of 'amazing'. Personally, I don't think that going on an adventure holiday really qualifies.

Also, that's really great that your mum sponsor an orphan worker's wages. But someone could also do that who HASN'T been on a trek.

The problem for me is that if anyone is doing something for charity, then they should just do it. No guilt tripping everyone, no claiming hero status and certainly no asking other people to fund their fun.

And why can't they do something worthwhile and beneficial to other people rather than flying halfway across the globe to walk up a hill?