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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed that this person keeps asking us to donate more to sponser her...

61 replies

mumofbumblebea · 04/10/2011 17:08

A relative of DP is asking us to support her for something she is doing for charity (not saying which-annonymity etc). The charity in question is one that my partner and i already donate to on a regular basis (£20 per month) but we decided to sponser her as well (£5 - not much but we have another baby on the way and as i said we do already donate to the charity). Well before we donated (which was only a week after being asked as we just didn't get round to it sooner) we got loads of text messages, emails, facebook messages etc basically telling us to, and now that we have we keep getting messages asking us to donate more! what annoys me as well is that it is a cancer charity, both my parents have suffered from cancer and my father unfortunately didn't recover and died young (and not that long ago). in all these texts, emails etc to us she keeps going on about people suffering and support for families etc and if i'm honest it bloody annoys me and i just don't want to hear it atm...i already deal with this charity, i know people suffer and it is horrible, however i think she should pick her audience and be grateful that we are already donating.
if i'm honest, i think she is doing it for attention and so that everyone can say how wonderful she is which grates on me. we have given other members reasons why we have not donated much (basically we know that a large proportion of the money that is raised from people doing these one-offs is used up in the administration put into processing the money, whereas the way we choose to do it entails very little admin costs and allows the charity to budget long-term). i respect what she is doing and i know that she is raising the profile of the charity, but i just don't want to be asked for more money or to see all these depressing emails etc at this moment in time when i am still grieving myself.
DP wants to call her and telling her not to include is in her mailing lists, private facebook messages, texts etc and that she is been insensitive asking us for more money. however i can just see it going down like a lead balloon and us being called tight etc.
so are we NBU to be annoyed, or are we just being tight? before i get slated i do respect people for doing these things for charity and asking people to donate, but surely there are limits?

OP posts:

iFailedTheTuringTest · 04/10/2011 20:38

Ha. I know how you feel. I took part in a toddler waddle to raise money for a smallish charity very close to my heart. I was far too embarrassed to ask around at work for sponsors, a few close friends and relatives donated when they found out I was doing it. I had just planned to make a donation from my own pocket.

Annoyingly the same day, someone came round at work with a great wall of China form, one of those for a big charity. I dread to think how much of that money will actually go on cost of
the trip.

I usually either duck out, or give a couple of quid.

Fortunately in my circles the most common fundraiser round here is cake sales, with donated cake. I am happy to contribute to those!

DidYouSmashHerShireHorses · 04/10/2011 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mumofbumblebea · 04/10/2011 20:39

DP called 15 mins ago and told her to please take us off the mailing lists as it hits home for us atm and we have already donated and we are not going to give anymore. she was apparently really weird about it. we'll see. if we get a call within half an hour from the in-laws we know we have offended.

OP posts:

slavetofilofax · 04/10/2011 21:19

Well done your DH!

In a wierd way I hope you do get a call from the in laws, she should be offended enough to actually think about what she's doing!

I am so with you on this one, the whole thing pisses me right off too. Btw, when the cancer charities phone and ask you to increase your donation (as most of the big charities do) they are trained to be very sensitive to the fact that someone may be dealing with cancer or with a loss because of cancer. They have always been very lovely and respectful to me when they have phoned at a bad time. Your relative should follow that lead.

brokenmarrow · 04/10/2011 21:28

Totally agree especially when the request now comes on fakebook from someone who hasnt bothered to contact you in over a year but suddenly feels it is acceptable to ask for money from you (and could you just donate it straight to some internet account so they dont have to speak to or meet you in person either !)

Original poster

mumofbumblebea · 04/10/2011 21:43

that does really piss me off as well

OP posts:

PattySimcox · 04/10/2011 22:06

A wee google suggests that these jollies fundraisers cost the charity half of all sponsorship monies.

I'm wondering if in future I'm brave enough to reply to the effect of "Thanks for asking me to donate, however I would rather do it through payroll so that the charity gets 128% of my money rather than 50% "

Original poster

mumofbumblebea · 04/10/2011 22:11

I'm wondering if in future I'm brave enough to reply to the effect of "Thanks for asking me to donate, however I would rather do it through payroll so that the charity gets 128% of my money rather than 50% "

i wish i had the guts to say that

OP posts:

Hassled · 04/10/2011 22:16

I so understand. I lost my mother when she was young (my age now) to cancer - and have had the whole "donate NOW! donate MORE! or people might lose their parents young to cancer!" fucking emails. That's not what they actually say, you realise, but they might as well. It's like being repeatedly kicked in the face.

aquafunf · 04/10/2011 22:37

the only time i have donated to a colleague doing a personal acheivement thing is when they sent a message saying that the cost of flights/accommodation was £1200 and she was paying this herself and every penny donated would go directly to the good cause.

had another colleague who persuaded the company to make one charity one of the charities of the year and got a £1000 donation. Not so generous when this then counted as part of the funds needed so they could go and walk round sodding New York. I refused to sponsor their jaunt and was sent to Coventry.

sunnydelight · 04/10/2011 23:34

I like skyblue's suggestion! I think it's totally reasonable to say something to let her know you feel she is hassling you, it probably hasn't occurred to her she is so caught up in what she is doing.

NorfolkBroad · 04/10/2011 23:41

YANBU. I totally agree. I do alot of runnning and last year did a marathon for a very special cause. It was the only big thing that I have ever asked people to sponsor me for but even in this case I only ever put out a general request, put up a poster at work and that was it. People were incredibly generous and i raised alot of money but i wouldn't have dreamt of sending reminders or asking for MORE money. That is totally out of order. Equally, I would not dream of asking for sponsorship again for a long while, it's really unfair. i would make your opinion known in a straightforward way, you have already given as much as you can afford

Oh and people not saying "thank you " for donating also really bugs me. I found this happens alot around "Race for Life" time.

NorfolkBroad · 04/10/2011 23:45

Sorry, you already did! Well done to your DH.

YoungMotherTubby · 05/10/2011 00:09

I've a friend who has now done 3 major events for 'charity' and before this was known for taking unusual holidays - so really she had combined the two and we're paying it for her.
I would rather pay her the money NOT to do it.
Strangely only time I hear from her is now by email looking for money for latest expedition. The last time I was given the offer of paying by paypal and there was a site where you could view how much had been raised so far and the sponsors' comments - all along the lines of 'You're doing great/well done etc' Puke

Would be interesting to hear from someone who is one of these people - do they really think people believe they're a hero and not see through it??

DidYouSmashHerShireHorses · 05/10/2011 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ineedabodytransplant · 06/10/2011 12:44

A local hospice who looked after my father until he passed away asked people to do an abseil and get sponsors to raise funds.

I donate to the hospice regularly because they do great work.

Because I had wanted to abseil anyway I felt almost obliged to match my sponsorship money.

Cost me a bloody fortune...

FantasticVoyage · 06/10/2011 13:18

So it's not just me. I also dislike people who want sponsorship for their jolly to Japan so they can walk up Mount Fuji (as we were subjected to a couple of years back).

morkcallingorson · 06/10/2011 13:34

YANBU, OP, and I agree with what others have said, this is effectively paying for someone's holiday, with only a small amount of the money going to the charity.

I did have a wry smile reading your OP, though. I'm going on one of these once in a lifetime type challenging trips myself, shortly. People are always asking me whether I'm doing it for charity, and several have been a bit affronted to learn I am not, I'm doing it for myself (and paying for it myself!). It's even been suggested to me that, if I'm doing it anyway, I should be trying to raise money for charity on the side and am selfish if I don't!

acorntree · 06/10/2011 13:55

I would donate the money to the charity directly - that way your money is all available to the charity rather than funding air fares etc., but you are still supporting the charity because of what your friend is doing.

With these charity-challenge-have-a-holiday-and-support-us type appeals I do think people should pay for their expenses out of their own pockets, then they can ask for sponsorship with a clear conscience knowing the money raised does go to the charity.

onadifferentplanettoday, what your daughter did was brilliant - that is how charity sponsorship challenges should work, you should be very proud of her.

NameGotLostInCyberspace · 06/10/2011 13:58

After reading this I hope we all have the courage to say next time "good for you! I will donate directly to said charity so most/all of money is used for good". Not sure that's as easy as it sounds.

Kikithecat · 06/10/2011 14:02

I would feel more ready to sponsor people to do something useful, like chatting to lonely people in old peoples' homes or doing some work to improve run-down areas or something - rather than paying for them to go on the trip of a lifetime or sit in a bathful of beans.

troisgarcons · 06/10/2011 14:05

Hmmm I had an irritating convo at work yesterday .

"you owe me £5 for my sponsored walk"
Me: "I didn't sponsor you"
"You're on my list"
me: "Its not my writing though, is it?"
"well, it's a good cause"
me: "Hmmmm"
~emotional black mail~ "well I can take your name off if I have to"

acorntree · 06/10/2011 14:16

NameGotLostInCyberspace, the point is that if they are really interested in raising money for the charity then they would be pleased that you wanted to give money to the charity on their behalf, so they can't complain and simultaneously claim to be supporting the charity. If they really support the charity it shouldn't matter to them how you give the money, only that you do.

yippeekaiyay · 06/10/2011 14:21

tigermoll I don't think that you can pass comment on people doing treks and such like until you have done one yourself.

My mum does it every year for Marie Curie and she is utterly amazing for doing it. She takes so much time and put so much effort in to fundraising (often using lots of her own money to do so)

The event side of it encourages people to donate, and as such my mum is responsible for raising over £3k a year by herself for the care of the dying. Thats 3k that Marie Curie wouldn't have had - every single year for the last 5 years.

yippeekaiyay · 06/10/2011 14:25

to clarify, thats 3k on top of the cost of her trek, which has been self-funded on 3 occasions and partly self funded on the other 2

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