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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have completely blown up at 'd'h?

75 replies

olibeansmummy · 02/10/2011 22:15

Just a rant really but he's been sooo unhelpful this weekend I've come to the end of my tether.

On Saturday I got up with ds while he had a lie in but he said I could have one the next day.

Then he announced football was on and what was I doing with ds? Then he gave me a list of errands to do while I was out with him.

When I got back he was on the new f1 game and there he stayed until after tea when I told him he HAD to give ds SOME attention that day ( the attention involved putting toy story on for him... Hmm).

Then he refused to turn the tv off in the bedroom til after match of the day and just before we went to sleep announced that I was no longer having a lie in ( no point arguing he'd just not get up which isn't fair on ds).

Ds was sick when coughing in the night and the best he could do to help was yell at me to clean it up before it got on the mattress, when I was trying to comfort ds and clean him up, then go back to bed Angry.

He refused to come to church so I had to deal with ds by myself. And guess what he did... Yes x box Angry.

I've done all the cooking and he's taken to asking for things by copying 2 year old ds ie. ' juice', 'brew' ( although ds can now manage to ask better than this) and he'll keep going on and on til I give in an do it.... Everytime he wants something.

He hasn't lifted a finger all weekend and has hardly acknowledged ds :( so when he demanded a brew just now I went mental at him and now HE'S not talking to ME!!

Now I know it's nit the AIBU of the century but just...... Arghhhhhhhh!

OP posts:
Original poster
olibeansmummy · 02/10/2011 22:41

Wow that's a lot of replies!

Yes I know I'm a push over :( mostly for 2 reasons: he won't give in, seriously a stand off can last hours and secondly he pulls out the 'well I work full time/ earn more money card ( I do work but less hours/ money).

I know I need to grow some balls so to speak... But not sure how :s

OP posts:
snoopdogg · 02/10/2011 22:42

just
say
no

AuntiePickleBottom · 02/10/2011 22:42

cut the wire for the xbox...such a great feeling

hellhasnofury · 02/10/2011 22:43

I'd have made his brew but he'd have been wearing it.

Do you really want to be treated this way for the rest of your life?

AuntiePickleBottom · 02/10/2011 22:44

or when he says brew you have 2 chices...making it but do an awful job...2 say yes please i'll have x amount of sugars

chicletteeth · 02/10/2011 22:46

He's a fucking twat; tell him to desist or he can fuck right off.
I can't even imagine what I'd do if my husband said "beer" or "blow-job" and actually expected it.
He wouldn't fucking dare, and he's too decent a chap to regardless

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 02/10/2011 22:59

Good lord, you actually put up with this?!
Why and how?
Oh and where on earth has your self esteem gone?

Please take a serious look at what's going on around you and to you, and ask yourself if you want your son to grow up thinking this is a normal mode of behaviour and one that will be continued throughout his life too.
You are worth so much more than being treated like a doormat.

MissVerinder · 02/10/2011 23:07

When he demands juice/brew like a 2 year old, pop it in a sippy cup...

Tortington · 02/10/2011 23:13

get a full time job

and fuck him off the tosser

Quintessentialist · 02/10/2011 23:13

Poor you.

Next time he goes to the toilet, shout after him "Let me know if you need me to wipe your bottom"

scarletfingernail · 02/10/2011 23:20

Your DH sounds like a complete twat.

Seriously sounds to me like you'd be better off without him. If this is the way he treats you in front of your son, you're both better off without him.

You need to toughen up, he is utterly taking the piss out of you. Things need to change immediately or else you need to seriously consider the damage this is going to do not only to you but also your DS and get rid of the lazy arse.

Nanny0gg · 02/10/2011 23:26

He can stand off forever as far as I'd be concerned.
And as for the work issue - I bet if you added domestic hours to 'outside' work you'd win.

Time you went on strike...

CocktailQueen · 02/10/2011 23:27

You're acting like a single mum. You may as well be one. Your h is a selfish, disrespectful, immature, lazy twat. I am in Shock at your description of your weekend.

pozzled · 02/10/2011 23:29

"A stand off can last hours". So what? That's hours of you not jumping to his beck and call.

Start tomorrow morning. Say to him: "I will not be doing everything for you any more. You are an adult. I will not respond unless you speak to me politely." Then the next time he says "Juice" or "brew" just ignore him and walk past as if you haven't heard him. Even if he asks nicely, if it's not convenient say "I can't do that right now, I'm doing x".

(This is what I do with 3 year-old DD1, and your DH sounds even worse).

pozzled · 02/10/2011 23:32

Oh and I think the key (as with a toddler) is to try not to get angry or upset, just be really matter of fact. This is the way it's going to be. Think incredibly stubborn.

Original poster
olibeansmummy · 02/10/2011 23:35

I told him yesterday I might as well be a single mum, but I don't think he got it. Yes I'd definately do more hours if you added up childcare and housework but he only sees it as who earns more money so even if I did work full time ( which I expect to as soon as funding is sorted out) I'd still 'lose'.

I don't want ds to grow up thinking he can treat women like this but I also don't want him to grow up without a dad :( I don't know where he's got his behaviour from because his parents are not like this at all. In fact his Dad does all the cooking and his fair share of cleaning. I just wish he'd see that he treats me like crap, but he stubbornly thinks he's right, no matter what I say.

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 02/10/2011 23:35

Christ, he'd be wearing the fucking juice if I were his wife.

Original poster
olibeansmummy · 02/10/2011 23:36

I like that idea pozzled :) actually he gets annoyed with me for giving in to ds's moaning so no idea why he thinks he can do it!

OP posts:
pozzled · 02/10/2011 23:37

What are you getting out of the relationship? He sounds like a right charmer.

HenriettaFarthingay · 02/10/2011 23:42

Tell him to close the door quietly on his way out. Then change the locks.

Failing that - Leave the Fucker!

Vicky2011 · 03/10/2011 00:03

Why on earth are you with this twat??

M0naLisa · 03/10/2011 00:11

No other underlying issues? has he always being like this or is this a recent thing?

I would have got up sunday morning got DS and taken him upstairs to 'daddy' then gone out for the day.

Original poster
olibeansmummy · 03/10/2011 00:24

Oh lots of other underlying issued m0nalisa, but I'm trying to avoid drip feeding. Tbh I've thought of posting every flaming weekend but always chicken out...

Pozzled... I'm struggling to answer that tbh :(

OP posts:
Squitten · 03/10/2011 06:28

I'd rather my sons had no father at all than rely on a pig like that for a role model!

You have two choices: continue to put up with it and pray you can teach your son better or show the twat the door.

The question is how long will it take you to do something?

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 03/10/2011 06:40

If you are staying for your son, what do you think will 'damage' him more? (since you think growing up without a father residing in the house is a problem)

1 Having a dad he sees on the weekend/midweek - when dad at home pays him no attention anyway

2 growing up thinking that a relationship involves the man treating the woman like a servant - and repeating that pattern in his own relationships

?

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