To want dd age 12 to go on a two hour train journey unaccompanied

[Kensingtonia]

DD age 12 (school year 8) has been invited to stay the weekend with her best friend from primary school who has moved to a town 2 hours away by train. It is a straight journey by train with no changes. I would put her on the train at Euston and the friend's mother would meet her at the other end and put her on the train to go home. DD is happy to make the journey by herself. DH got very angry when I told him of this plan and said he didn't want her to on the train by herself in case "something happened to her". We had a massive row about it. Is he being unreasonable or am I?

Re the poster who wouldn't let her 14 yr old travel 2 hours on a train- I wrote a response but inadvertantly posted on 'the thread about whether to have a 4th baby!! Don't know how to move it! But I do think unless there is specific information Which that poster isn't saying (which is fine, but means her view is not really relevant to the op) that it is really awful to not allow a 14 yr old that freedom

I think it's fine. She'll be so engrossed in her iPod or texting her friends that she probably won't even notice she doesn't have an adult with her.

When i was twelve years old i was at boarding school. We were put in a taxi to Bristol Parkway, got on the train to Paddington. My mum used to give me £10 for a taxi to Liverpool Street (this was 1982/83) I however used to buy magazines with the money and get on the tube to LS (30p single ) Then i got on the train at LS to Ipswich or Diss where my Mum/Dad were waiting. Your Husband IBU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yanbu, kids need to learn bits and bobs of independence.

I really worry about my niece who at 12 still isn't allowed on the front street by herself, t'is wrong.

YANBU. If she is happy to do it, then it will be absolutely fine. Your DH is a wuss

Yanbu. As long as she is not a very young twelve year old and not late at night she will be fine. Agree with what others have said about not being in a carriage alone etc though.

Have any of you thinking this is okay travelled by non-local train recently? I wonder if you have a rather quant idea of it?

Yeah, everything is usually fine, but I've had a few journeys where I've felt very uncomfortable with the behaviour of the other passengers and this tends to be at weekend when their are not many train staff around. Have you been on a train crammed with rowdy fans? It's not fun if you're on your own. I'm no timid mouse either.

If you're going to let her do it, make sure that there are no major premier league teams playing on that route that weekend. (Not being anti-football fans, I have a season ticket for a premier league club and regularly attend away games).

I was 12 when I travelled >2 hours by train with friends. I didn't do it alone until I was 15.

Have you thought about National Express instead?

I wouldn't let her do it alone until I (or another adult) had done a few practice runs first to prepare her for any thing that might crop up.

Thank you all so much for sharing your views.

She will be travelling late afternoon and on an inter city type service not local commuter trains. In my experience they are safe and normally rather busy with staff on board. She is 12 but could pass for 13 or 14; she is quite tall, 5'7"; so doesn't look particularly vulnerable.

In our part of London, people with mental health issues and drunks are encountered on public transport and in the street quite regularly; and while not pleasant she knows how to react. Personally I had unpleasant encounters on National Express coaches a couple of times and it is a lot easier to walk away on a train! I have been on a train with Millwall supporters in the past and see Chelsea supporters quite often in my own commuting and have never had a particular problem.

I agree it can be empowering to go on a journey alone at that age and I don't want her to grow up afraid of public transport. I have some adult colleagues who refuse to use it because of fear of something bad happening.

Anyway she desperately wants to keep in touch with her friend and this is the easiest way to do it. There is a risk in everything in life and I think in this case it is worth taking. I am more worried about her sleeping in her friend's tree house as she has walked in her sleep in the past or in case a maniac attacks during the night - so likely to veto that aspect. The train doesn't bother me.