Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be cross and upset with dp

40 replies

Crazybit · 01/10/2011 19:47

I booked tickets for him to see his favourite comedian last October for next Fri.

We have moved quite far from where the gig is so it will take around 3 hours to get there rather than the initial 1 hour. DP has been away for over a month on a trip treking and sightseeing-something he booked years ago. He arrived home 1am this morning.

I am 20 wks pregnant and have been on my own with the 2 dc all this time he has been away. I hardly know anyone and it has been difficult but I have tried not to moan and I have been really looking forward the trip overnight to see the comedian, mainly to spend some time with dp and have a break from the children.

My mum has agreed to have them overnight by coming here rather than us having to add hours to our journey by dropping them off. However I travelled the way we will need to go last Fri and it took quite a lot longer than it should have done due to accidents/general traffic so I asked him if he could leave a little earlier from work.

He said work are already annoyed that he has been away at a busy time for the past 5 weeks and that he is having an hour on Mon to come to my scan (he missed the 12 week ones as he was abroad with work) so no he can't really and that I should put the tickets on Ebay as it's going to be too stressful Hmm. I think he means that he is probably going to be working late on Fri. He has enjoyed all that time away from responsibility and stress, and really doesn't have a clue what I've been through here.

I feel hurt, angry and upset. I am tired and hormonal and really do not know if IABU.

OP posts:
bluelaguna · 01/10/2011 19:50

He sounds like a prick.

What should have gone on eBay (or in the bin) is the ticket that took him away from his needy young family for a month Hmm.

worraliberty · 01/10/2011 19:50

YANBU at all but have you actually told him you're really looking forward to going away because you're stressed out and want to spend some time as a couple?

Some people need it spelling out.

AKMD · 01/10/2011 19:51

YANBU but maybe his workplace has piled on the pressure. Can he skip the scan and come to the gig instead? It does seem very mean to deprive you of a treat after the fab time he's had for the past few weeks. Can you take anyone else?

ssd · 01/10/2011 19:53

YANBU at all

he sounds very selfish, its all about him isnt it

why dont you let your mum have the kids and go with a friend instead, he sounds like hes had enough fun anyway

MangoMonster · 01/10/2011 19:53

I don't think he is thinking about you, as he's probably really stressed with work. Could you compromise and sell them then arrange for something else when he can get time off work. I know it's annoying but he's probably feeling the pressure at work. Maybe you should tell him how much you were looking forward to it first and see if he changes his mind, he might not be aware.

troisgarcons · 01/10/2011 19:56

DP has been away for over a month on a trip treking and sightseeing-something he booked years ago

I am 20 wks pregnant

Well, between the two of you, you really should work out when it's appropriate to have a baby - not pinning this on you personally but you (both) knew this trip was coming up so why get pregnant?

I wouldnt be rude enough to ask what the trip was, but if its been planned that long, then it was obviously something important to him.

When he went you weren't obviously tired and hormonal or else, perhaps, the trip would have been cancelled.

Frankly the pair of you need your Heads knocking together. You want a night out? your mum is baby sitting? you go and take a mate.

There that is that sorted.

Original poster
Crazybit · 01/10/2011 19:57

He said I cold take my mum and he'll stay with the kids, but that kind of defeats the object of spending quality time together, plus I don't really want to go qith my mum, she'd drive me mad :)

SSD-I don't really have any friends here and it's probably too late notice for others from my old town.

He's said that we'll go, he just didn't want me getting stressy about it, but it's soured now.

Bluelagoon-I know. :(

OP posts:
OchAyeTheNooPal · 01/10/2011 19:57

agree with ssd. Take a friend and have a break. YANBU.

Groovee · 01/10/2011 20:00

I'd ask dh outright if he was ever planning on going!

OchAyeTheNooPal · 01/10/2011 20:00

oops x posted with your 2nd post OP.

chopchopbusybusy · 01/10/2011 20:04

YANBU. You can't take your mum. He'd still have to be back early to look after the DCs.
I agree with skip the scan and tell him you've been looking forward to a night away with him and it's all organised.

Original poster
Crazybit · 01/10/2011 20:05

troisgarcons-you're right, the pregnancy was a suprise. I was very hormoal and upset before he went but I didn't expect him to cancel the trip of a lifetime, although if it had been the other way round, then I probably would have done.

Grovee-he said it has been something he wanted to go see for years, it's just ended up being at a bad time.

Actually, he has fucked off to bed now as he is so tired from his trip bla bla. I don't care anymore, they can go on Ebay.

OP posts:
MangoMonster · 01/10/2011 20:06

If he says he'll go, go and have fun, don't dwell.

MangoMonster · 01/10/2011 20:09

Don't argue over this stuff, you're both stressed and haven't seen eachother for ages. Go and have quality time together. There will be plenty of opportunities to argue when you have a newborn and are tired Wink

Let this one go and work on togetherness before your baby comes.

ssd · 01/10/2011 20:10

put them on ebay and spend the cash on seeing your old mates

SheCutOffTheirTails · 01/10/2011 20:10

"you (both) knew this trip was coming up so why get pregnant?"

WTF?

AKMD · 01/10/2011 20:13

Quite.

troisgarcons · 01/10/2011 20:20

SheCutOffTheirTailsSat 01-Oct-11 20:10:40

"you (both) knew this trip was coming up so why get pregnant?"

WTF?

Whats the issue with that? Fortunately Im married, to the same man I might add, and had two unexpected pregnancies - but thats the risk you take - no contraceptive is 100%. We dont have any living parents or siblings - so we've always had to manage ourselves - but it's never stopped either of us doing anything we ever wanted.

I do feel for the OP - the weather is hot, its no fun being pregnant in a heat wave, but you cant be full of recriminations for something (the trip) that was clearly mutually agreed upon either.

Some would mither about priorities - but when he went the hormonal stuff wasnt a priority.

Ok you can get mardy about ungratefulness - BUT jobs do have to take precedence - thats what keeps a roof over your head and puts food on the table.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 01/10/2011 20:24

If having children has never stopped either of you from doing anything you wanted you must be either terrible parents or very boring.

troisgarcons · 01/10/2011 20:33

May be we didn't want to do 'big things' ... may be we co-parent as a team .... may be thats why it works so well and we have relatively well adjusted children.

If he wants to go away on a blokes week golfing - thats fine by me ...If I want to fly home for a week, thats fine by him. If I want a girly night out, he drops me off and picks me up ..... if he wants a blokes night out - I expect him to snore on someone elses sofa. If I want to go to the pictures and he hates the idea of the film, I go with a mate .... If he has a function where Im required to attend, I smile and work the room for him,he does the same for me....we have the best relationship of any couple we know, we love and trust each other and we give each other space when we need or want it. Neither of us is control freaky. We are the best team ever.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 01/10/2011 20:37

"we have the best relationship of any couple we know"

arf

fit2drop · 01/10/2011 20:38

SheCutOffTheirTails
If having children has never stopped either of you from doing anything you wanted you must be either terrible parents or very boring

How the fuck do you make that conclusion??

Seems more like great parents and adventures to be had, not boring , frankly very exciting not to fall into the "once the kids came my life stopped" brigade.

Having children does not have to stop you having a life too

jeeeezzzzzzzzzzz

glitterkitty · 01/10/2011 20:38
troisgarcons · 01/10/2011 20:41

it is barfy isnt it?reading that - its the most vomit inducing post ever LOL

We are the odd couple - no one expected us to last - but we have the longest and happiest marriage of any of our friends.

We are chalk and cheese! Hes gregarious, Im anti-social . He sporty, I think sweating is something horses do.

but it works for us!

fit2drop · 01/10/2011 20:44

SheCutOffTheirTails

Your derision at other peoples ability to be happy and fullfilled, (not just on this thread actually )tells more about you and how very unhappy or jealous you obviously are. Though I am sure you will dispute this or mock or whatever ridiculous response you have will surface.

I have been on MN for approx 9 months and have yet to see you be happy when someone admits to being in a good healthy happy and honest relationship.

If you don't believe it exists , fine, but don't deride those that have found it.

ya big cynical meanie Grin

sorry for hi-jacking post OP

as you were Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread