Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to be cross and upset with dp

40 replies

Crazybit · 01/10/2011 19:47

I booked tickets for him to see his favourite comedian last October for next Fri.

We have moved quite far from where the gig is so it will take around 3 hours to get there rather than the initial 1 hour. DP has been away for over a month on a trip treking and sightseeing-something he booked years ago. He arrived home 1am this morning.

I am 20 wks pregnant and have been on my own with the 2 dc all this time he has been away. I hardly know anyone and it has been difficult but I have tried not to moan and I have been really looking forward the trip overnight to see the comedian, mainly to spend some time with dp and have a break from the children.

My mum has agreed to have them overnight by coming here rather than us having to add hours to our journey by dropping them off. However I travelled the way we will need to go last Fri and it took quite a lot longer than it should have done due to accidents/general traffic so I asked him if he could leave a little earlier from work.

He said work are already annoyed that he has been away at a busy time for the past 5 weeks and that he is having an hour on Mon to come to my scan (he missed the 12 week ones as he was abroad with work) so no he can't really and that I should put the tickets on Ebay as it's going to be too stressful . I think he means that he is probably going to be working late on Fri. He has enjoyed all that time away from responsibility and stress, and really doesn't have a clue what I've been through here.

I feel hurt, angry and upset. I am tired and hormonal and really do not know if IABU.

OP posts:

SheCutOffTheirTails · 01/10/2011 20:50

"have yet to see you be happy when someone admits to being in a good healthy happy and honest relationship."

What the ACTUAL fuck?

SpanishPaella · 01/10/2011 20:50

but we have the longest and happiest marriage of any of our friends.

no affairs then eh? ;)

glitterkitty · 01/10/2011 21:00

This thread is surreal. Its like coming into a film halfway through...there are undercurrents...

OP, I feel for you. To me it sounds like you are trying to be nice and DP is being AIBU and plus has life of bloody Riley- you alone, PG and 2 kids, him off 'trekking' ?!

glitterkitty · 01/10/2011 21:01

I mean... your DP is being V U..... brain not engaging cos of too much sun...

fit2drop · 01/10/2011 21:02

In the context of the whole of my post it made sense . The way you c/p it ...Oh so out of context SheCutOffTheirTails but I am not suprised

OP can you not sell tickets, take advantage of babysitter and arrange a night in a hotel with DH, wont matter what time you get there then and you will still have quality time with him and the relax that you need.
He is between a rock and a hard place with the work situation .So to be fair he cannot do anything about that now .

madonnawhore · 01/10/2011 21:13

He sound very selfish and self obsessed.

You've done a lovely thing arranging for the two of you to have some time away seeing something he'll enjoy, yet he's being an ungracious twat about it.

Apart from anything else, since he's the one who's been away for weeks on end doing whatever the fuck he likes while you're pregnant at home, HE should be making a special effort, not you.

The more I think about it, the more I'm angry for you OP. I hope he sort himself out soon.

ChippingIn · 01/10/2011 21:20

Jo go - tell him to get home as early as he can. If you miss a bit, then you miss a bit. You still get the time away together and a good night out. Don't let his tiredness etc upset you. He probably does really want to go, but doesn't want to go if it's going to stress you out.

troisgarcons · 01/10/2011 21:22

Steak at home, he doesnt need a burger ;-)

Original poster

Crazybit · 01/10/2011 21:34

Thanks for the replies.

He is usually a thoughtful person but just lately has been really rubbish. The moving so far away has really affected us all, and my having to deal with the dc starting new school/nursery/teething problems and morning sickness as well as all the other stuff has been difficult.

I am trying very hard to not erupt to be honest. I am flipping from being a crying emotional state to trying to be calm and reasonable. Am hoping that I can hold out until the morning, that we both get some sleep and I can read him the riot act tell him how rubbish he is making me feel.

Chippingin-You're right, it doesn't matter if we're a bit late and I do have a hotel booked so will hopefully be nice to have some time togather, but was just the way he dismissed it so easily :(

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 01/10/2011 21:41

Sweetheart - he arrived home at 1am this morning. I know you have had a hard hard time and he's just been away having fun - but he is probably exhausted and being back home with you all has probably been fantastic but a bit full on too! He probably just said what he thought would cause less stress at the time - it doesn't mean he doesn't want to spend the time with you or anything.

I can totally understand why you are hurt & upset, but in the nicest possible way, I think that your hormones are not helping you deal with this as well as you might otherwise have. Try to get some sleep tonight, don't say anything in the morning, just try to have a nice day etc, go to the scan on Monday and if in a couple of days things haven't evened out a bit, talk to him then. It will take you a few days to get back to being together after a month apart.

madonnawhore · 01/10/2011 21:55

Ah, didn't twig that he literally only just arrived home this morning. That puts a slightly different light on it.

Let him sleep off the jetlag and then see whether he's up for it. I bet he'll be a lot less dismissive once he's decompressed from the trip.

carabos · 01/10/2011 22:23

glitter I'm with you, there seems to be a sub-thread going here - duelling marriages. I'm sure if we stick with it, it'll all come together in the final reel!

mynewpassion · 01/10/2011 23:43

Don't read him the riot act, especially if he's just arrived from overseas. That would be counterproductive.

Maybe he thought you needed a break from the kids and stuff after being a single parent for 5 weeks and was giving it to you. Thoughtful but kind of defeats the purpose of you wanting to be alone as a couple.

Just say that you understand that he might have to work late but you can sell the tickets or just arrive late to the show and spend the rest of the time in the hotel relaxing and catching up. Being alone together is the important thing. It might open his dull-witted mind a bit if you are blunt with him about this point.

Original poster

Crazybit · 03/10/2011 21:53

Just updating and want to say thank you to all who gave good advice when I was tired and emotional :)

I waited until the next morning and then spoke to him, explaining how much I was looking forward to it. He said he was just trying to stop me getting more stressed and that we will go. Soo looking forward to not being woken by the dc arguing!

OP posts:

MangoMonster · 03/10/2011 22:01

Have a great time! :)

Flip

1 2