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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that "playground mummies" are a fact of life?

40 replies

Joolsy · 01/10/2011 18:12

...What I mean is, since DD1 started school 3 years ago I have fallen out (and back in again) with 3 mummies. My SIL seems to think these things are a given and it's best to just accept it and not take it to heart as it will happen every now and then for whatever reason. This latest episode involves the mother of a girl in DD1's class who has ignored me for the past 5 months due to something DD1 was accused of saying to her DD (nothing was proven and the girls were friends again the next day!). I've now found out she's been talking about me to some of the other mums. Shouldn't let a stupid woman like that get to me but it has. Again. Hmmm.....

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 01/10/2011 18:13

Of course it is a fact of life Grin

I remember my mum and her mates and all the bitching that went on when I was at infants and primary... and that was in the early 70's...

I would say it is probably less prevalent now, as more mums work and more kids are dropped off by car... back then most mothers didnt work, and I dont recall any of them having a car... so it was no-holds barred at the gates! Grin

ragged · 01/10/2011 18:15

My mom worked full time and I'm sure never got caught up in any such rubbish. I think I shall advise DC to do the same.

ImperialBlether · 01/10/2011 18:16

STOP CALLING THEM MUMMIES!

FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 01/10/2011 18:17

I've never fallen out with anyone at school. Why wouldn't you just sort it out like adults instead of all the ignoring business? The other woman sounds pathetic.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/10/2011 18:17

YANBU but don't join in. Limit conversation to banal platitudes only, do not mistake them for 'friends' and never give out even a smidgeon of information about yourself or DCs.

AgentZigzag · 01/10/2011 18:17

I'm with you SIL when she says about not taking it too seriously.

I've been a bit Hmm with what a couple of DD1s friends have said in the past, but I try not to get too involved.

Ignoring you for five months is pretty extreme, and saying stuff she wouldn't say to your face to the other mums is nasty.

They must know her for how she is, and keep a distance in case it's them she's talking about next Smile

usualsuspect · 01/10/2011 18:18

oh thank god someone else said 'STOP CALLING THEM MUMMIES!'

I never got involved in any playground falling outs tbh

Groovee · 01/10/2011 18:21

I've never fallen out with any parents/carers at school! I'm into year 9 of the hanging round the playground.

Original poster
Joolsy · 01/10/2011 18:30

Yeah sorry, I called them mummies but did correct it by the end!

OP posts:
redexpat · 01/10/2011 18:32

Boarding school would eliminate this problem.

HTH.

KeepInMind · 01/10/2011 18:33

Schoolyard politics are sadly a fact of life, and for some of the school run mums it is the high point of their day, sad but true. I never brought in to the whole school gate friendship thing!

I have some lovely friends that I met at the school who's children were in the same class as DS2, but I do not keep in touch with or was every really friendly with any of DS1s class, the friends I have now I would have liked in any circumstances that I might have met them in, too many people think that because their kids are clumped together for X amount of years it is going to be one big love fest

troisgarcons · 01/10/2011 18:40

I dont fall out with them - I never really got involved with them - that was the easiest way. In reality all they have in common is children the same age - then the claws really come out at 11+ results time. They are pseudo friendships.

WoodBetweenTheWorlds · 01/10/2011 18:42

This either doesn't happen at our school, or else I am just blissfully ignorant of it. Really, life is too short!

usualsuspect · 01/10/2011 18:43

I actually made a few good friends at the school gates

no 11+ here thank goodness

Migsy1 · 01/10/2011 18:49

I think this happens more if you have daughters as girls are always falling out with each other. Thankfully, as I have sons, it doesn't happen.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 01/10/2011 18:52

No love fests here but no feuds either. Most of the mums in DS's class work at least 3 days a week so it's either the dads I meet or the CMs. I have friends whose kids go to the same school but we'd have been friends anyway.

DS had a falling out/being bullied situation with another boy whose mum I speak to but the staff dealt with it. We sort of rolled our eyes about it together in a 'gah, kids' way - after all, it wasn't she who was making the nasty comments etc, it was her son!

The ignoring for 5 months woman sounds like a nut job. Don't waste your time on her.

WoodBetweenTheWorlds · 01/10/2011 18:53

Migsy, you're right, girls do tend to fall out with each other. But surely the parents don't fall out just because of the children, do they? do they? Confused

myheadsamarley · 01/10/2011 18:55

speaking as someone who has been ignored by the parents of DD1 for the past 4 yrs (inc nursery) i thinki know how you feel...
however... i have had to get over it and put my daughters education andschools experience first and my feelings second . (been so bloody bloody bloody hard :( )
ds1 is in year 1 and already things look a lot more promising with seemingly more pleasant parents
Dont really know waht the answer is but am saying to myself 'toughen up mrs and care LESS!!'
Good luck with the school gate... brief smiles to those that are bothereed with making eye contact and SOD the rest of them!! xo

thefirstMrsDeVere · 01/10/2011 18:57

Five kids, three through primary school so far.
Never had any run ins, fallings outs etc with any playground mums, huns, mummies or mommies.

Certainly NOT a fact of life unless you want them to be.

hiddenhome · 01/10/2011 19:09

I avoid other parents like the plague. I have nothing to do with them and never get involved in any politics or rubbish like that. People sometimes chat to me and I'm polite and will smile and listen to what they have to say, but tend to limit conversations to the weather and stuff like that. I never talk about what goes on in school or about any of the teachers.

bluelaguna · 01/10/2011 19:10

I've been really disappointed (and upset at times) with the behaviour I've witnessed (and been on the receiving end of sometimes) in the playground over the past 3 years. I can honestly say it has changed the way I think of people in general and changed me myself.

I am now much more wary of people, more inclined to say no, less generous and less worried about appearing rude.

And I wish I could pick up my kids in private Grin.

Migsy1 · 01/10/2011 19:15

Just ignore the small minded bitchy mums and talk to the decent ones. I have heard of mums falling out over daughters' arguments. How mad is that?

NormanTebbit · 01/10/2011 19:31

I've never encountered this

bluelaguna · 01/10/2011 19:34

Migsy1 - I would like to add to your post that it isn't only bitchy ones falling out over that sort of stuff that is the problem. Also a problem are the people who repeatedly ask unreasonable favours - it can be really embarrassing to say no so they take advantage of more mild people.

MangoMonster · 01/10/2011 19:35

Don't let it get to you, not worth it.