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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is ds's teacher?

71 replies

MollieO · 30/09/2011 22:09

Ds is yr 3. Has played piano at school since Reception. Every week someone collects him from his class for his piano lesson.

This week he started the cornet. First lesson today. I dropped him off, reminded him of the lesson time and told his teacher.

I get a call lunch time from school to say they are sorry but ds missed his cornet lesson as music teacher away and cornet teacher didn't know ds was due to start.

Saw teacher at pick up and asked why ds had missed his lesson if she and he both knew the time. She said that he was supposed to go to the lesson himself and should have asked at 10 to be excused from class from his lesson. She blamed him for missing his lesson even though no-one had told him he wouldn't be collected from his class and that he needed to tell the teacher (who already knew he was supposed to have a lesson).

AIBU to think that the teacher should have told him that unlike piano lessons he would not be collected from the classroom?

She said he is in yr 3 so should work it out for himself. I agree for subsequent weeks but if it is different from normal practice how was he to know if no-one told him? Confused

OP posts:
backwardpossom · 30/09/2011 23:12

In defence of the teacher, it's difficult to remember things like this. I'm rarely at my desk (you know, what with interacting with my pupils) so writing a post it note/putting it in my planner doesn't really help to remind me. I teach secondary and if a pupil tells me they have to leave at a certain time as they have a music lesson, I forget 9 times out of 10... I don't think either of you ABU, it's just unfortunate for your son that he's missed his lesson.

MissVerinder · 30/09/2011 23:19

Mollie it's a bloody amazing instrument.

If he moved from cornet to trumpet, then tenor horn to french, the only problem would be the RH/LH swap and the fingering (tenor/french); his embouchure should be fine for that, and the musicianship skills are transferable.

Even as an adult, it's taxing holding a french horn for the duration of a concert, so the cornet is probably a good start; however, trumpet would give you a choice of orchestra/brass band whereas with tenor you're stuck in brass and french you're stuck in orchestra. Depends which sort of music he'd enjoy playing, really.

I only got my hands on a tenor because my Grandad used to play and gave me his and taught me from scratch for about 4 years.

Whatever happens, if he keeps it up for more than a year, start saving for a professional model now!

My Holton 180 set my parents back £1800 (VAT free and 5 years old) in 1994!

MissVerinder · 30/09/2011 23:20

Sorry, getting a bit enthusiastc there.

DownbytheRiverside · 30/09/2011 23:23

I stick the post-its for the day along the bottom of my IWB.

Original poster
MollieO · 30/09/2011 23:41

MissVerinder Grin

OP posts:
backwardpossom · 30/09/2011 23:50

I reckon you've got too much time on your hands DownBy Wink

DownbytheRiverside · 30/09/2011 23:54

Well, you know us primary teachers, feet up and a snifter whilst the little poppets play and giggle.

DonDiegoYDoritoYTinto · 01/10/2011 00:04

lovely pair of knockers teacher just looked at my profile ew!

DonDiegoYDoritoYTinto · 01/10/2011 00:05

oops! thought this was the internet dating thread! sorree ladees!

backwardpossom · 01/10/2011 00:06

Yup DownBy, and you only work 9-3...

DownbytheRiverside · 01/10/2011 00:11

I know, and the holidays. I'm stunned that anyone would want to do anything else really, I mean, I can even MN whilst buffing my nails as they complete a worksheet or two.

backwardpossom · 01/10/2011 00:12

Worksheet? Nah, I just give them blank paper and get them to "do posters"

DownbytheRiverside · 01/10/2011 00:15

Oh yes, being as teaching them facts and the right way to do something is currently unfashionable. Guide on the side, not sage on the stage and all that buzzphrasing.

backwardpossom · 01/10/2011 00:16
Grin
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 01/10/2011 00:26

Teacher should have reminded your DS, OP.

AbigailS · 01/10/2011 07:59

When I'm in the flow of teaching and getting the best from my pupils I find it really hard to remember things, like getting a child ready for going to the doctors, speech therapy, diabetic finger prick tests, etc. I tried post it notes on my desk and the white board and that doesn't work as I'm not in either place for long. Eventually I have come up with a solution of setting an alarm clock. Not ideal, as it disturbs the lesson (but so would leaving my group to remind the child even without it), but at least I can loose track of the time.

diddl · 01/10/2011 08:05

I should imagine that she forgot so is shifting the blame.

TBH, it sounds as if he forgot as well!

ballstoit · 01/10/2011 08:19

YABU. There is a difference between Yr 3 and Infants, in the level of independence the children need to use. You assumed she would remind him, she assumed he's remember himself. No ones fault really, and you seem to be looking for things to moan about.

DS is just into Yr.2. I expect him to bring himself to the office when he has a Drs or hospital appointment in time for me to pick him up. He's done this once this term and several times last year. I draw him a picture of what the clock will look like for him to have in his pocket. At his school they are setted for literacy and numeracy which they have in the morning...it's easier for him to remember than for me to work out which teacher he'll be with.

The detention thing...DS didn't do as he was asked in class and got a detention as a result, I don't see the problem. Sounds like the teacher is being hard to start with, to make the expectation clear. If he's genuinely too tired to run in PE, perhaps you need to review his bedtime and after school activities.

t0lk13n · 01/10/2011 08:25

I dont think anyone is being unreasonable.....a mistake was made ...move on. I have kids....secondary, who tell me they have to leave part way through the lesson....I always tell them to remind me as I will forget when Im in full swing of the lesson....and I usually do forget!

Pagwatch · 01/10/2011 08:31

If he is used to being collected then it is highly likely that he forgot.
In the middle of a lesson my 7 year old would never have remembered either.

So, if he was expected to remember alone then you should have been told so you could help him with that. I taught ds1 to stick a post it on his pencil case.

The school fucked up the communication. Not a big deal. One of those things. But not your sons fault. He, at that age, will not assume a responsibility he has never had before.

GiganticusBottomus · 01/10/2011 08:40

I'm a teacher and find it really hard to remember things like music lessons in the middle of a literacy session, you are just too busy/involved. Personally, I think in a primary school the lazy arse cornet teacher who only has three pupils could manage to walk and collect them as opposed to relying on the class teacher who has up to 33 pupils (at ONCE) or the child who is busy wrangling with fractions/ poetry etc trying to remember!

AbigailS · 01/10/2011 08:43

Totally agree GiganticusBottomus. Primary schools aren't that big so surely the instrument teacher can collect.
PS LOVE the name

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 01/10/2011 08:45

We have this problem at my dds school at the moment. She has missed 3 weeks lessons on the trot!

Pagwatch · 01/10/2011 08:50

All the children at my dcs schools get collected by the music teacher in primary. Way easier.

snailoon · 01/10/2011 08:51

She made a mistake and should have apologised. Why is it so hard for people to make a gracious apology.
It is easy to forget music lessons, so I recommend a cheap watch with an alarm for your son.