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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask neighbours to go halves

72 replies

AvonCallingBarksdale · 30/09/2011 21:37

We live in a semi with non-existent appalling soundproofing. We'd like to get soundproofing, but it's quite expensive. Next door (the other way, not the ones we're attached to) have had theirs done, and it's made a huge difference to them. However, it's also made a huge difference to the people they are attached to. So, it would seem that if you're the house to have soundproofing put in, not only does it benefit you, it also benefits your neighbours without them having soundproofed their walls. My question is, would IBU to ask our neighbours to contribute half the cost, which I think would be about £750? I suppose I feel like I don't want us to fork out for something that's going to make life quieter for our neighbours when they're the problem in the first place. Or is that just petty?? Exciting question for a Friday night, I know ;)

OP posts:

Shutupanddrive · 01/10/2011 06:50

Yabu I think. You would not be happy to pay towards theirs, but expect them to pay half of yours?

Andrewofgg · 01/10/2011 08:07

The strategy is to point out that it will improve the value of both homes!

Flamingredhead · 01/10/2011 08:17

Oh bugger dOnt tell me soundproofing does not work were about to move into a new build semi and I have young dc and teenage dc .They are all pretty good but 4dc plus the noise of my wheels may irriate neighbour

follyfoot · 01/10/2011 08:38

I wouldnt ask them TBH. If you are reasonably quiet, especially once the little ones are in bed, then they have nothing to gain from paying out £750. You have also said that you would like the benefit of the work when you sell. So...you have the noise issue now and would also like added value on your property. It seems pretty straightforward then that you should fork out. Sorry.

Or you could always wait until yours are very noisy teenagers and they want it doing

sausagesandmarmelade · 01/10/2011 11:46

I don't think you should ask them to pay halves....

You say you have a good relationship with them? Keep it that way.

IloveJudgeJudy · 01/10/2011 11:53

I wouldn't ask them. You say you get on well. Asking them might change that.

tigermoll · 01/10/2011 12:08

You say that you wouldn't pay for the neighbours to have their house soundproofed, but you want to just ask them about paying towards your's. You also say that you don't think you disrupt them early in the morning, and that their children ought to have moved out by now!

I think YABU, - it sounds like you feel a bit aggrieved towards your neighbours, and want to take this opportunity to point out how inconsiderate you feel that they are being, rather than any expectation of actual payment. If this is the case, then I think you would be reasonable to talk to them and ask about maybe the guitar playing stopping at, say, 10pm, but not about the soundproofing. That sounds very pointed.

The reality is, you live in a house with thin walls. Your neighbours have lives. This bothers you. I think you are going to have to just accept it, and if you really can't get over it, get the soundproofing. But that is not your neighbour's problem, - it doesn't sound like their noise levels are unreasonable.

tigermoll · 01/10/2011 12:22

....and also, why the big problem with having their adult children living with them? That is totally none of your business.

In case you hadn't noticed, it is not only currently extremely difficult to find a decent job (I have been looking for six months for something better than the soul-sapping, menial work I do, and it's not easy, degree or no degree) it is also nigh-on impossible to even think about buying a house without a hefty deposit and a decent salary. University also leaves a person with debts, which it takes time for them to pay off. If a person has several thousand pounds of debt to service, has a job which pays around minimum wage, and might like one day in the distant future to own property, is it really so laughable that they may not want/be able to pay hundreds of pounds a month in renting their own place?

And maybe, just maybe, their parents like having them around? Maybe they enjoy the chance to know their children as adults, and enjoy their company?

lesley33 · 01/10/2011 12:35

I think its fine, but be prepared and gracious if they say no. tbh if I was your neighbour and not bothered by the noise I would say no. What level of noise bothers you is so individual. They might not care about a level of noise that would bother you.

And if they say no, try not to think thats unfair they got that for nothing. You are doing an improvement you want. If they don't contribute, they will get an improvement that they never particularly wanted.

mousymouse · 01/10/2011 12:39

yanbu
just ask them, it would benefit themas well and help when selling.

catsareevil · 01/10/2011 13:19

You would be unreasonable to ask, and I think it could lead to bad feeling on their part if you do. The fact that you would consider asking them if you wouldnt pay towards theirs is a bit

MissySmith8 · 01/10/2011 13:20

OP,have a look at this site.

www.government-grants.co.uk/

We've been offered free cavity wall insulation. They actually contacted us,so seem quite keen that every home should benefit.

Original poster

AvonCallingBarksdale · 01/10/2011 14:07

OK, thanks for all the replies. I really just want to know if I would be unreasonable to ask, and the majority seem to say I would be. We do have a perfectly jovial relationship with our neighbours - it's just an unfortunate situation that the walls are thin. I've never lived in a semi before (flats in London seemed to have walls that were metres thick, cos we could never hear anything!), so it's been a shock to me that I can hear people. That's not a loaded statement, it's just a fact.
The fact that you would consider asking them if you wouldnt pay towards theirs is a bit
A lot of people have said this or something along these lines - just to clarify, it would seem, according to our other neighbours, that both properties benefit from noise reduction even if just one house has the soundproofing done. So, apparently only one side needs to have it done in order for it to be effective, hence my idea of splitting the costs. I'm certainly not expecting them to, nor would I be surprised if I asked and they said no. As I said before, they're probably a bit more laid back than me . Anyway, I've taken all the measured and helpful points on board and concede that the majority think IWBU, but some think it wouldn't hurt to broach the subject. Thank you!
*

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 01/10/2011 14:32

Well, I know what I would do if our neighbours asked for half towards soundproofing...

Laugh very loudly at their cheek

pengymum · 01/10/2011 14:50

I think it would BU to ask for half if only your house is having it done. But bearing in mind that if only one house has the insulating boards put up, it will need thicker boards and will reduce the size of the room (marginally), it may be better for both houses to have the slightly thinner, cheaper boards fitted, thus getting the same or better effect and both benefitting from reduction in sound and adding value to houses.
You could present this as being in their interests as your children will be growing up and getting louder and they may, in later years find it equally irritating!
This way, you benefit immediately and they benefit later! Also if either of you move and the new owners remove it, it won't matter so much.

I wouldn't pay for just neighbours side to be done but would consider it if both sides were being done, but only if I could afford it.

HTH

TidyDancer · 01/10/2011 15:18

OMG. You can't possibly ask something so cheeky!

MissySmith8 · 01/10/2011 19:47

Told you that you could get the quiet for free. It looks as if you just want a thread all of your own without listening to anyone.
YABU

Original poster

AvonCallingBarksdale · 02/10/2011 17:40

Right you are, MissySmith8, valuable contribution, there.

OP posts:

Coconutty · 02/10/2011 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glastocat · 02/10/2011 18:05

If my neighbour asked me for 750 quid to help soundproof their house,I am afraid I would probably laugh in their face at the sheer cheek! You can't be serious,really.

Original poster

AvonCallingBarksdale · 02/10/2011 18:32

I haven't missed the point, I've already said I've taken the points on board! People, don't get so irrate - chill out, it's summer time!! We'll have a chat with the neighbours over a glass of something chilled and see how the conversation goes. MAybe they're just waiting for us to bring it up - nothing ventured nothing gained, fortune favours the brave and all that! We know them well enough to have a joke about it. I'm going to sign out of this thread now - IWBU to ask and expect, I've got that! Thank you and enjoy the lovely weather.

OP posts:

mumeeee · 02/10/2011 18:39

YABU. £750 is a lot of money. We certainly would't want to pay that amount of money for something that our neighbour is having done. Also noise at 7am can be a problem for those who are past. the young children stage.

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