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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask neighbours to go halves

72 replies

AvonCallingBarksdale · 30/09/2011 21:37

We live in a semi with non-existent appalling soundproofing. We'd like to get soundproofing, but it's quite expensive. Next door (the other way, not the ones we're attached to) have had theirs done, and it's made a huge difference to them. However, it's also made a huge difference to the people they are attached to. So, it would seem that if you're the house to have soundproofing put in, not only does it benefit you, it also benefits your neighbours without them having soundproofed their walls. My question is, would IBU to ask our neighbours to contribute half the cost, which I think would be about £750? I suppose I feel like I don't want us to fork out for something that's going to make life quieter for our neighbours when they're the problem in the first place. Or is that just petty?? Exciting question for a Friday night, I know ;)

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 30/09/2011 22:32

'there was an "enthusiastic" girlfriend, but we had a word and that seemed to do the trick!'

Never mind about the soundproofing, I want to know what word you decided to use Grin

IrmaLittleteapot · 30/09/2011 22:55

You want them to bear 50% of the cost for 0% of the benefit? But you would not even contemplate doing the same for them because obviously there's nothing in it for you. If that's not brass neck I don't know what is!

halcyondays · 30/09/2011 23:01

Yabu, I think it would be cheeky to ask them. If they are very noisy until late and on a regular basis then you would not be BU to ask them to keep the nouse down.I think noise at 7 a.m can be just as disruptive as noise at night.
I can't think why they would want to pay a large amount of money on something that will mainly benefit you and add value to your house.

slavetofilofax · 30/09/2011 23:02

I think you can ask them, but you also have to have no expectations that they will say yes.

£750 is a lot of money, and they probably have much better things they could spend it on if they have it.

My neighbour asked me to replace the very small wall between our driveways because it was very old and beginning to crumble. I said no, because it didn't bother me and I couldn't afford it anyway. She then offered to go halves with me a few months later, again I said no. Last week she paid to have it replaced, with my permission of course, even though I still own it. I wasn't bothered about the wall, she clearly was, so it was her choice to pay.

Original poster
AvonCallingBarksdale · 30/09/2011 23:08

Proudfoot and Irma have you read the OP? I've discovered that the soundproofing benefits both houses, not just the house that's had it done. Obviously I wouldn't ask them to contribute if it was going to be of no benefit to them!!
halcyon, we've spoken to them about the noise before, and it works for a while, but the houses are sooo badly soundproofed that you can really hear anything above normal volume talking. THey're not unreasonable or "bad" neighbours, but unless you've lived in a semi where you can hear your neighbours, it's hard to appreciate how hideous it can be. PUt it this way, I would never, ever choose to buy an attached house again!

OP posts:
ColdSancerre · 30/09/2011 23:08

You say you wouldn't pay for them to have their house soundproofed. That's your answer. You can't expect them to pay for your soundproofing either.

Original poster
AvonCallingBarksdale · 30/09/2011 23:10

AgentZigzag I think it was the sheer embarrassment of us saying that we could hear her moaning and shrieking. Think they're probably at it in a car now like any other self-respecting teenage couple! Grin

OP posts:
kaumana · 30/09/2011 23:18

If they are not aware of sound from you currently, perhaps you could put the radio on etc at odd times ,I don't mean at 3am etc but just at times when they are aware of sound travelling. My neighbours had no idea how much sound

halcyondays · 30/09/2011 23:21

I live in a semi too, in fact I've spent most of my life in semis or terraces and a certain amount of noise is inevitable. Although some houses are better than others in terms of what you can hear. We're usually only aware of noise when neighbours have had a party. I don't think it's just new houses, my dad lives in an old terrace and the Walls are quite thin, there used to be a musician next door he could hear practising. The problem is, it doesn't sound as if they're overly bothered by any noise coming from your side, so they probably wouldn't want to pay towards soundproofing.

gapants · 30/09/2011 23:22

coldsanscerre has it spot on, if you would not go halves with them, then there is your answer.

Logically yes they will benefit and have none of the disruption of the fitting, but if my neighbour asked me, I would be thinking "are you kidding?"

IrmaLittleteapot · 30/09/2011 23:23

Yes I've read the OP thanks! What a cheek! Hmm

If it was really about the soundproofing you'd be quite happy to have it done on their house instead of yours. But it isn't just that is it? It's also about adding value to your house as per your previous comment. You're not talking about a nominal contribution but half the cost.

if you can't see why that is cheeky then I'm not sure what else to say!

Original poster
AvonCallingBarksdale · 30/09/2011 23:28

I think that is it, halcyondays - they can undoubtedly hear us, but they're maybe just not that bothered, in which case, they're not going to want to fork out, are they? Thinking about it (and this is probably totally illogical), it irritates me because we (ie me and DH) pay our hefty mortgage whereas the majority of the noise from next door comes from the two boys/men and not their parents. I guess I just find it a bit baffling why you'd want to live at home again after finishing uni, but I know, I know times are different now and there are no jobs anywhere apparently. That's probably a whole different threat though!

OP posts:
Original poster
AvonCallingBarksdale · 30/09/2011 23:31

Really Irma? Is that what you would do? If so, you're obviously a much more selfless person than me Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
AvonCallingBarksdale · 30/09/2011 23:32

a whole different thread, not threat, of course!

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe80nappies · 30/09/2011 23:33

YABU

In your OP, you say about going halves, but you wouldn't go halves on their soundproofing. So you have your answer.

If you want it, then pay for it.

ColdSancerre · 30/09/2011 23:34

Yes illogical. It wouldn't bother you if it was the mortgage payer making the noise then. That's bizarre. You seem to resent them having children living at home, yet you have children living at home.

Original poster
AvonCallingBarksdale · 30/09/2011 23:35

Their kids are 19 and 21, though!! ours are 3 and 6!

OP posts:
Original poster
AvonCallingBarksdale · 30/09/2011 23:36

In answer to my op, though, it would seem IWBU to ask and expect. The latter I knew, the former I wanted to canvas opinion on. THank you.

OP posts:
gapants · 30/09/2011 23:38

Just to give you an example, we recently landscaped out garden, which included replacing the fencing on 2 sides with adjoining neighbours. They have benefitted from new fencing, but it was our choice to do so, as we were doing the rest of the garden. I didn't even contemplate asking for a contribution to the cost. WIBU?

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 30/09/2011 23:38

But they have as much right to be there as yours do, because it is their parents home and who they have living there with them is their business and their's alone.

You have got your thinking really twisted on this, which I can kind of understand because clearly the noise really does annoy you. But you need to realise that you have become illogical about it.

If you want soundproofing, then pay for soundproofing.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 30/09/2011 23:39

Apologies for the random apostrophe!

ColdSancerre · 30/09/2011 23:43

It doesn't matter about ages, you're resentful of them of them having children living at home, that's bizarre. The parents are obviously happy having a 19yo and 21yo in their house.

Anyway glad you have taken on board comments and accept YABU.

UterusUterusGhali · 30/09/2011 23:44

Their DC will leave soon, or grow up a bit.

Gargula · 01/10/2011 00:10

I'm in a semi and we had soundproofing put in our house due to noise from next door and I'm afraid it did absolutely bollocks all. So don't get your hopes up.

Oh, and we didn't dream of asking our neighbours to contribute half!

sunnydelight · 01/10/2011 06:40

Their kids make noise that annoys you at times you find inconvenient, no doubt your kids make noise that annoys them at times they find inconvenient (noisy little kids at 7am when you don't have any are just as irritating as noisy teens at night in my view) so your choice is to live with it or do something about it.

Peoples' tolerance varies wildly, you could try having a casual conversation with your neighbours saying you're thinking of getting the soundproofing done and if their response is "thank goodness, you've been driving us nuts too" that might be a cue to ask if they would consider contributing if you really want to. Ultimately though it is something you want done to your house for your benefit so I'm not really sure why you think it's appropriate to ask.

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