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AIBU?

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Original poster

? Child-free wedding - possible faux pas!

57 replies

unfitmother · 30/09/2011 12:19

DH have been invited to a wedding of an old university friend of his from 20 yrs ago.
I know him but haven't seen him for at least 10 yrs, I've never met the bride. Invite was for DH and I only which is perfectly reasonable in the circumstances and I was happy with that.
Wedding is 300 miles away and DH has family there. DCs are coming with us, staying the night with us tonight and going to BILs in the morning.

I've just phoned the hotel and they semmed to be making a big deal of the fact that we had dcs.

Should I have asked before bringing them?

OP posts:
Dozer · 30/09/2011 12:21

Yes, you should, not all hotels are child-friendly. Is the wedding at the hotel? If so, is probably a faux-pas to have the kids at the venue at all (unless it's a massive, chainy-type hotel).

Proudnscary · 30/09/2011 12:21

If the invite says just the two of you, it's for just the two of you.

Can the kids stay with your dh family for the night instead?

Don't phone the groom to ask as you will be putting him on the spot. I know it's a hot topic on here about dc not being invited but my view is it's absolutey fair enough on many levels and you should adhere to it.

Dozer · 30/09/2011 12:21

Oh, sorry, presume that the DC won't be there with you on the day of the wedding since they're going to BIL's.

ViviPru · 30/09/2011 12:22

So you're staying overnight at the same hotel the wedding is being held? Sounds like crossed wires and the hotel havebeen briefed that its a child-free wedding but aren't privvy to your plans to hand them to PiLs for the actual wedding.

Surely a straightforward phonecall would clear this all up in less than 3 minutes?

Dozer · 30/09/2011 12:22

Speak to the hotel. Wouldn't you have needed to speak to them anyway to organise a cot / child bed or whatever?

marge2 · 30/09/2011 12:22

No I don't think so. So long as they don't come to the Wedding or the Reception I don't think anyone can moan. What's the Hotel's issue? Was the whole hotel booked out for the wedding then? If so it should have been made clear on the invitation.

Very odd.

squeakytoy · 30/09/2011 12:23

Is the hotel exclusively for the wedding or is it a public hotel which will have other residents too?

NinkyNonker · 30/09/2011 12:23

I can't see why the children wouldn't be welcome at the hotel, after all the wedding party won't even have to see them if they're elsewhere on the day.

ViviPru · 30/09/2011 12:23

but Dozer, if the hotel isn't child-friendly per-se, surely this would have been evident on the website or when the OP booked?

slavetofilofax · 30/09/2011 12:24

So during the wedding the children will be at BIL's?

Sounds fine to me as far as the wedding goes. If the hotel doesn't accept children then that could be a problem, but the b&g can't complain at your dc being there the night before. They aren't paying to host that bit!

Proudnscary · 30/09/2011 12:24

Hang on I don't understand - who is looking after your dc in the hotel while you are at the wedding?

4madboys · 30/09/2011 12:24

i dont think there should be a problem, we did the same a few years ago, took our kids with us to the hotel and arranged for my sister who lived nearby to come and babysit for them and went to the wedding without the kids, we were then able to put them to bed for the evening in the hotel and my sister stayed whilst we enjoyed the evening celebrations :) no problem with the hotel.

Charleymouse · 30/09/2011 12:25

You should book and let them know the number of people be they young/old whatever. Hotels usually have truckle/sofa beds and cots but have to know numbers for Health and Safety etc.

ViviPru · 30/09/2011 12:25

the BiLs!!

Confused @ this entire thread, quite frankly

NinkyNonker · 30/09/2011 12:27

The kids are going to the bils in the morning, they won't be at the hotel for the wedding.

Was the op that hard to understand?!

squeakytoy · 30/09/2011 12:29

It sounds straightforward to me, you are driving up for a wedding which is tomorrow. Staying in the hotel with the children tonight, kids are going to their uncles tomorrow, while you go to a wedding, and presumably for the night, unless the BIL is going to bring them back to the hotel when you are going to bed?

ViviPru · 30/09/2011 12:31

The OP is hard to understand because she has left out the crux of the issue which is the context within which the "big deal" is being made by the hotel.

Lotkinsgonecurly · 30/09/2011 12:32

I'm sure the hotel will be fine. They'll manage to find a family room if its a problem in the room you have booked.

Sewmuchtodo · 30/09/2011 12:32

OP, did you book a family room? Surely you then had to state the age and number of residents?

Anyone can stay in a hotel if they have booked etc, it is not upto the bride and groom to dictate and if Dc's are off to BIL's then they have no cause to complain!

Oggy · 30/09/2011 13:02

Sounds like the issue is that the hotel don't have family rooms and the OP maybe expected the kids to be able to "bunk up" in their room with them which the hotel don't want (which may be for H&S reasons, e.g. number of people in room).

If OP explains exactly what hotel's "issue" is it might be easier to understand.

Quenelle · 30/09/2011 13:05

Assuming you have booked adequate accommodation for yourself and your children, I can't see why the hotel should have a problem, unless they advertise themselves as an adults only establishment.

gordyslovesheep · 30/09/2011 13:08

yes I am wondering if you actually booked a room for ALL of you? if you did then I don;t get why the hotel would be suprised...I m guessing you may not have so it is reasonable for the hotel to be a bit suprised

allhailtheaubergine · 30/09/2011 13:11

What sort of a big deal? Need clarification.

Ephiny · 30/09/2011 13:16

Yes need to know exactly what the hotel's problem was - do they not normally accept children?

Inertia · 30/09/2011 13:18

Bit confused- if you didn't book a family room then where you expecting the children to sleep?

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