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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

More of a WAS I BU, sonce it's done now and I can't change it.

72 replies

DooinMeCleanin · 29/09/2011 10:19

So this morning was as hetic as usual, but I wasn't at work last night so at least everything was where it should be.

Dd1 was dressed. Dd2 was upstairs getting dressed, DH was in bed sleeping . I was simultaneously making breakfast, making packed lunches, feeding the dogs, trying to coax the cat in and trying to convince dd1 to brush her properly.

Dd2 appeared nekkid in the dining room clutching her uniform and a towel she could only have gotten from DH. "Daddy said you have to put me in the shower before I go to school because my knees are dirty" I calmly explained I did not have time and I would wipe her down with a flannel before we set off, so could she please get dressed as we have to leave in 20 minutes. Nope, she was adamant she would not get dressed "Daddy said". 'Daddy' was still in bed at this point. I shouted up and asked him to tell dd2 to get dressed because she was refusing. He yelled down that I must shower her before I (as in me, of course) take her to school.

At this point I may have lost my temper just slightly and stormed out with dressed and breakfasted dd1 . I did yell up the stairs to tell him I was leaving dd2 so he needed to get up and sort her out and take her to school because it wasn't fair for dd1 to be late due to his sleeping yet creating more work for me.

Dd2 is only 4, so she wouldn't be missing as much or causing as much disturbance to the rest of the class if she was late as dd1 would do.

After I had stormed out I and dropped dd1 off I might possibly have gone to sit and have a coffee on the way home, knowing full well he would be struggling and they still wouldn't have set off. It is also possible that I then dawdled home rather slowly. They were just leaving when I got back at 9:35

OP posts:

Deflatedballoonbelly · 29/09/2011 10:41

Who sent her to bed with dirty knees? What a totally crap question

Two adults, two kids. If DD needed showering he should have got up and just did it. What a pillock! My OH has tried this a few times. would dare anymore!

Dooinmecleanin (god, Love your username!) you were NBU! At.All!

worraliberty · 29/09/2011 10:41

You were both very unfair on your DD2

It's horrible when you're caught in the middle of your Mum and Dad arguing.

I wouldn't have shouted up to my DH to 'tell her to get dressed'....because you had already informed your DD that you would be wiping her down with a flannel.

Therefore you undermined your own authority.

RogerMelly · 29/09/2011 10:42

If this is what you do every day, and what he does every day, then tbh I don't blame you. I did something similar a few months back ( refused to get out of bed and he had to flap around and get everyone done) but I was so sick of him being selfish and doing everything for himself whilst i rushed around doing everything for the children. Since it happened he has been MILES better so I think sometimes direct action does work and I really don't think your daughters are going to be in any way damaged by this one incident!

Original poster

DooinMeCleanin · 29/09/2011 10:42

Mornings are always frantic but we get to school on time and when I get back everything is done and fed so I can sit and a have coffee and half an hour to myself before I have to start my day. I like it that way.

OP posts:

GandTiceandaslice · 29/09/2011 10:44

This is the second thread you've posted about your dh staying in bed while you run around in the morning.

He needs to get his act together.

AKMD · 29/09/2011 10:48

YWNBU and I don't think it will have harmed your DD2 to have gone to school a bit late today. The teacher might not have been too impressed but my mum teaches 4 year olds and she's seen worse.

Your DH needs to step it up a gear.

AnnaBegins · 29/09/2011 10:49

YWNBU, he's such a selfish lazy thing for staying in bed every morning while you rush around. Good for you! (Though hope DD2 didn't get in to trouble for being late, would be his fault anyway)

pallymama · 29/09/2011 10:50

[tips hat at DooinMeCleanin]
YWNBU.

Original poster

DooinMeCleanin · 29/09/2011 10:51

Dd2 seemed perfectly happy when they were setting off and happily told me she got to watch Peppa Pig while she was eating breakfast

OP posts:

booyhoo · 29/09/2011 10:52

aww!!!
poor dd2. imagine watcing mumy storm off out with dd1 at 4 years of age when as far as you are concerned, mummy is suposed to b taking you too!!

akaemmafrost · 29/09/2011 10:53

This was totally normal, every single day when I was married to ex H. He started work at one if the afternoon, back by 10 so not exactly "The Night Shift". Every morning he would lie awake in bed and the kids would go in to say bye to him before school. Never got up to take them, oh no.

My dd was what can only be described as a "challenging" toddler and would scream the place down while I was dropping ds off it was . I occasionally asked if I could leave her with him while I dropped ds off, this would have eased things up so much as he could have breakfasted and dressed her. He never did, not once. Told me I was lazy and should be able to do it myself, well I could do it myself but it was tough and would have been easier if he could help out on the odd occasion. He was always up by the time I got back from drop off, moaning about the fact that I hadn't wiped the breakfast table before I left, yes really! God what a c*nt he was, every day I am grateful I no longer live with him.

I honestly am like when I read about all these dh's who help out or the expectations that you all, quite rightly, have of them helping out. He never did a bloody thing, ever.

RogerMelly · 29/09/2011 10:54

dd1 and dd1 HAVE TWO PARENTS. It is not just the mothers responsibility within a partnership to be out of bed making sure their children are ready for school

RogerMelly · 29/09/2011 10:54

I meant dd1 and dd2, fat fingers

worraliberty · 29/09/2011 10:55

She may have been perfectly happy setting off, but starting the school day late can leave a child out of sorts for the whole day.

I'll never forget that feeling of dread as I walked in the class and every head turned to look at me...or even worse turning up late for assembly.

Everyone else had started their work and knew exactly what they were doing, and I didn't.

As a result, it's something I avoid at all costs.

Whatmeworry · 29/09/2011 10:55

YAB totally reasonable :)

Well done...

Original poster

DooinMeCleanin · 29/09/2011 10:56

Booy I did tell dd2 that Daddy would be taking her and sent her upstairs with him. I didn't just walk out and leave her stood there watching the door.

OP posts:

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 29/09/2011 10:57

KUDOS to you .

aldiwhore · 29/09/2011 10:59

I let DH have a lie in this morning, and I bathed the two kids, fed the cat, the fish, took the bins out, blow dried my hair, made two different packed lunches AND hung a load of washing out.

So there.

I did it calmly, I was shit hot and got to school early.... so YABU.

However, yesterday I woke at 8.37 in a mad panic, DH was absent (found him later in the youngest's bed - but that's a whole other story) and screamed, shouted and threw the clothes on the kids, turned up at school 10 minutes late, the children were cake in jam and looked a mess and I was wearing the day before's knickers. We all have bad mornings, so for that YANBU.

The day before THAT DH was superman and went to work early got the kids to school on time (and clean), made lunches, booked MY hair appointment, and I woke at 10am completely confused as to where I was and why the house was so quiet. For that IAU!!

Am I allowed to give hugs on bad days??

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 29/09/2011 10:59

YANBU He's being a selfish, lazy arse. He needs to start getting up in the morning and pulling his weight.

TeddyBare · 29/09/2011 10:59

YWDNBU. Your dh sounds lazy and pretty useless. Your dds are just as much his responsibility as yours. You should not need to ask him to help you. It is not your responsibility to organise him to be a parent, he should be doing it anyway. If he sees something that needs doing then he should be doing it not telling you to do it.

pallymama · 29/09/2011 11:02

aldiwhore - I had to re-read that first line as I didn't spot the comma between "fed the cat, the fish"

aldiwhore · 29/09/2011 11:02

I was tempted pallymama I hate that bloody fish, he watches me and mocks.

pallymama · 29/09/2011 11:03

pmsl

booyhoo · 29/09/2011 11:05

ah well that makes a difference. i remember my mum storming off once (obviously had been rowing with dad but i wasn't aware of that) and leaving me and dsis. we didn't know dad was in the house and we were really scared. lots of tears and lots of reassurance needed that day.

TheOriginalFAB · 29/09/2011 11:06

Why is it the men "help out" but the women just get on with it?

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