to object to this idea?

[Shodan]

Here's the thing.

Ds1's father now lives in Scotland, having moved away from ds1 (in Surrey) when we divorced 12 years ago. He has been there for about two years. For 18 months he didn't see ds1 at all, then has had one or two visits over the last few months where ds1 went to his place in Scotland. His father drove down to pick ds1 up and they broke their return journey in Birmingham, staying with ds1's granny.

DS1 is due to go for October half term and wants to travel to Birmingham by himself on the train, saying his father will meet him at New Street station. I have issues with this, all to do with the fact that his father is untrustworthy in the extreme. This arrangement has been suggested before but with the addition of ds1 having to get a connecting train out to the area his granny lives in, and this I said no to.

To let ds1 travel to Birmingham on his own means taking him into London ith ds2 (3) to get him on the train OR putting ds1 on the train here and trusting that he will be able to make his way from Waterloo to Euston (or whatever station it is for Birmingham) and get on the right train. It also means having to trust that his father will meet him at the other end- which I don't. Trust him, that is. He has a history of saying he will do something then NOT doing it (like paying maintenance, for instance).

However.

Ds1 is nearly 16. I have a sneaking suspicion that I am being Mrs Precious MummyPants here and that at his age he should surely be able to manage this trip on his own. Obviously a lot of my objection to the idea is that it relieves his father of yet more responsibility and that pisses me off. Childish, I know.

So. AIBU and a Mrs Precious MummyPants, to boot?

Or am I being totally reasonable in my objections?

16?! Are you serious? Of course YABU, he will be old enough to drive soon!

Sorry been away feeding the ravenous hordes.

MyCat- yes, those were my thoughts exactly. But DS1 is very keen to try this and tbh, he is fully aware of his father's shortcomings and that still hasn't put him off. Admittedly, he probably has secret wishes that his father will one day change his ways and become reliable, steadfast and so forth, but I can't protect him from that. I do trust his Granny- she is a lovely woman who has also tried her damndest to make her son change- and have no qualms about ds1 going there. She will definitely be in for him etc.

As for picking up the pieces- well, I've been doing that for many years with ds1 and his father. Fortunately DH is fully on board and would be ready to race up to collect ds1 if necessary.

But yes. I may well have to pick up the pieces (again), but I'm used to it. I really, really hope I won't have to though.

Natasha- actually, that's not a bad idea- except that, if his father doesn't turn up, isn't it more complicated to get to Erdington from the coach station (iirc it's in Digbeth-unless that's changed?) I want to minimise disaster opportunities if at all possible!

Many thanks, btw, everyone, for your views. It has been much appreciated-especially by ds1!

Like the idea of the mn network, we could be like the Resistance, with codes and everything.

ooh yes, gethelp. We could wear fawn macs and speak in faux French accents.

Maybe I've been watching too many repeats of 'Allo 'Allo.

Sorry but I started to laugh when you said he was nealry 16 - I assumed we were talking about a 9 or 10 year old! Yes he is old enough! At 17 I got a number of trains down to a university town where I was having an interview, walked from the station to wherever it was, and stayed overnight! And I had overprotective parents and there were no mobiles in those days!

That's right SPB- point and laugh at Mrs PreciousMummyPants.

You're right, of course, In fact I myself was catching a coach from Bath to London and transferring to Surrey when I was 16. And I left home at 17.

But this is my BAYBEEEEEEE!

YABU. A 16 year old is more than capable of making a journey by train even if he does have to take the underground for a connection. YANBU to be worried though.

I used to go to London on train with 3 changes and use underground when I was 14. I used to go to meet up with a friend who spent most holidays with her sister who lived in London. He will be fine. My youngest is 16 and he goes to concerts etc on train

Sorry Shodan - I can be all smug, talk to be in 11 or 12 years when my baby is 15/16 and remind me of this

You are dressing up your anger with DS1's father translate itself into concern about DS1 and you are not doing yourself or DS1 any favours. At his age there should be no problem. Enough money for a train back if the father does not show up, and his phone, and that's all there is to it.

There's a train from Bournemouth which goes to/past birmingham and iirc stops at guildford, woking or both. Sorry for crap info I'm on my phone. It's Virgin cross country (again iirc) you can either look it up yourself or wait for me to get home from work in just over an hour and I'll check my memory against the timetable

purple- thanks for that. I'll look into it.

Andrew- actually the two things are separate issues. I was concerned about ds1's ability to cope but the ever-sensible MNers have convinced me I was wrong (as indeed I suspected I was being). I am still annoyed by his father's complete uselessness though, as I am entitled to be. However as always I will not let his failings have any bearing on ds1's life or my decisions for him.

Shodan be glad that DS1 grows up and learns to cope even though his father remains useless! Hope it all goes well. And I'm sure it will at his age.

Let him do it - he'll be so proud of himself when he pulls it off, even if it doesn't go to plan. Once he's done this journey there'll be no stopping him. My DS2 had to fly back from Switzerland unaccompanied aged 16 and he was the opposite - had a fit when he asked who was taking him back to UK and was told no-one. However, he did it (very easy of course by plane rather than train) and after that he never looked back. Has been all over Europe by train and plans to set off RTW after Xmas (he's now 18).
Your boy is motivated and excited, good luck to him.

I thought you were going to say he was 11 or so, not nearly 16! Make sure he has a charged phone and cash card and pack him off.

Omg! I thought you were going to say he was 10 or something!

He will be fine at that age. I used to travel down from the North to Birmingham regularly at that age, and would use either the train or the coach.

Think about it, in a year he will be old enough to start driving himself anyway.

Shodan think of it this way. Rather than concentrate on the father (and having a useless article of an ex-dh myself I know exactly where you are coming from) and consider this as an adventure for your son.

How much responsibility and trust are you putting in to him by allowing him to do this alone? How much self-esteem is he going to get from navigating the way on his own?

He'll no doubt have a mobile phone. Ask him to call you at certain times, make it an absolute rule, non negotiable.

Let him go, expect a phone call, and be prepared to travel to some random part of the country at a moment's notice because he fell asleep on the train.

I say this as a once upon a time trusted teenagers who ended up at the wrong end of the country, I fell asleep. There was only one change as well!!

I didn't do it twice.

I don't think YABU.

This sort of thing depends on the child, how confident he is. My DS wouldn't have done it at that age, too immature. But if your DS wants to do it, I'd let him.

At 16 he will be fine-he can contact you if he isn't. It will do wonders for his self confidence. (in fact all 16yr old should do it).

Hi OP my very unworldly wise 15 year old had to travel from Glasgow to Birmingham for a summer school last year.
I was also apprehensive but he was fine, I did book him a first class seat though as I figured there would be less chance of him feeling intimidated by a drunken football/stag group.
HTH