adult to adult bullying

[prettystuffedreally]

Am not sure where to post this - more a WWYD and have name changed.

We moved here several years ago. It is rural so only one primary school possible, one secondary etc and everyone kows everyone.

I joined the PTA as soon as we arrived and dd started school. I had a disagreement with the lady who ran it - small thing, no shouting or anything. We agreed to differ but it turned out that I was right. Since than not only has this lady refused to talk to me but she tells everyone else that if they talk to me then she will not talk to them (sounds so childish I know but it is true). This has been going on years now. When a new person arrives the lady explains to them that they can eiter talk to me or to her but not both. The oproblem is that this lady is very influential socially locally (they are loaded and throw lots of parties for adults and children, run many of the local village events in therigarden etc) and so no one wants to fall out with her. I make friends but she then drops them from her invite list and actually tells them theat they need to stop talking to me if they want to be "her friend". As this means that their children (as well as them) get left out and so eventually most give up talking to me :(

Has anyone else come acroos this?

I know it's an old post but I would also like an update. You say she runs many of the local village events from her garden - that to me indicates it's not invitation only so I'd turn up - it is a village event. Also, if you're still on the PTA could you not take over organising a few events - Halloween/bonfire night, xmas party, Easter party. Do it as fund raising events for the school with the HT's approval. If the HT says this other woman is doing these events tell her that people are being excluded though and they're not for everyone. I love deburca's story and have been trying to think what you could do that was clever that cast a shadow on her reputation in the village. Apart from that I'd culture the friendships you have, invite kids over as usual and just ignore the rest. The kids will grow up before you know it and your paths won't have to cross much after that.

Sorry! I knew it was 'old' but was concerned for the OP and I'm not very experienced at all this, but learning fast...

I really do sympathise. I was very badly bullied when I worked in a boarding school, to the point that I contemplated suicide. Bullying is bullying, whether in the workplace or socially. I suppose I have been guilty of being cliquey in the past but since that happened I really do try to understand and include people unless they are bullies, then I avoid them. No real advice except to say that you are not BU at all, it is a horrid situation and I hope you can carry on without allowing her to undermine you too much. The expat community is a bit like that and I have been proud to never have been dragged into this hateful behaviour and had friendships with both people. in some ways I should thank my bully for opening my eyes and making me stronger but I still hope he rots. Good luck, you are not alone and please don't doubt yourself.

And this is why I live in London

What you have to do here is work on the basis of "my enemy's enemy is my friend". Chances are that if she is doing this to you, she is doing it to other people as well and you need to find out who they are. Once you find out that information, then you can start working on the downtrodden and abused and start an alternative social circle. She sounds so nasty that people probably dont like her anyway and once they see there is the chance of an alternative, the cracks will begin to show.

If she then tries to wrest control back by being even more mean and nasty, that's the time for the very public confrontation and she will have to implausibly deny it, full on out herself or run away - all ways you win.

It will be a slowish process and the end game will take some guts but you can sort this.

Yes it has been happening to me. For quite a long time now although I live in London and this happening at my local post code. I don't even know what scaled the problem and they don't go to the extent to ignore me completely but I know they do talk behind my back and talk in code whenever I'm around. They would do the same to people who get along with me unless they can gain something from these people. But now seems the Queen Been is loosing her power and people are leaving her but I couldn't care less about none of them anymore.

I thought my DDs school was bad poison her, its the only way

this is exactly my (irrational) fear about villages. All it takes is one nutter .....