AIBU to expect DH to do the school run when I'm working?

[MumblingRagDoll]

I work for myself...from home. DH works either 3 or 4 night shifts for someone else out of the home.

I have at the moment a big contract which is HARD work. I work from around 9.00am to when DD comes home from school and then I have a break to cook dinner and do homework. We also have a 3 year old in nursery 3 days a week.

I do 90% of the housework. DH goes to work at midnight and gets home at 7.30....he then takes DD to school in the car...and comes home for 9.15....atthis point I think he should go to bed but he fannies about until midday and then gos to bed.

He has been getting up at 3.00 and going to collect DD1 and sometimes DD2 aswell...then coming home,eating with us and palying with kids...then he goes back to bed at around 7.30 and get up at 11.00p for work.

Today he is moaning about collecting DD from school. MY argument is that as I cannot drive I have to get a cab, put makeup and decent clothes on...do my hair etc....AND stop work....all of this makes me loose precious childfree time when I am meant to be working.

AIBU to get him to do the school run? My schedule is not always this busy but lately I have had work coming out of my ears and have managed to triple our income (badly needed as we had debts) I then wrk all evening until around midnight and sometimes later. I still have to cram in some housework too. DH has really slid on his contribution to the house lately.

We are managing to get out of the financial hole now....but stressing over the school run is putting me off work! AIBU??

mumbling I wouldn't leave the house without having a shower, putting my make up on, getting dressed into clean clothes and doing my hair. I don't see why you are getting told off for that. Nothing wrong with standards :)

BUt dandy....do you then think that I should get the DC ready....including prep of uniform, lunch, hair, homework...then dress myself and oversee them....do the school run...return (cabs both ways as no bus) then begin MY round f work for the day.....in order to "save" DH a bit of driving time....all he does when he gets in, is drink tea and have a laugh with the DC whilst I run arund making sure everything is in place.

HE may find it hard to wind down but at least HE GETS TOO!

Silver entirely unhelpful and sexist comment.

Broken sleep is rotten, no mistake. But so is broken work time - if you are working, your mind is taken up with that, and wrenching yourself away to concentrate on the school run must be a right pain. One way to look at it is, when he's working, it is uninterrupted time, and when he clocks off he can presumably stop thinking about work. When do you get to clock off? I don't see any time for that in your schedule.

Also how about you do the morning school run? That way he is home from 7.30 and so can probably get off to sleep earlier meaning he's up earlier later on. I know you don't drive so it's a pain but all that broken sleep he's getting isn't good. Or how about you alternate weeks?

Jeez you're sensitive Dandy!

I can't seem to get down to it Dandy....it's because I feel so angry tha DH had a moan. Silly I know.

working from 7 till midnight...

well , its good you can still MN for 2 hours on the trot just to moan about DH.

You need to sit with DH and discuss an active workable rota for both of you.

then on the days you Know you will be doing the school run you can get showered , dressed and made up, school run ready when you get up in a morning.

I have a distinct impression this post will be ignored or vilified cos I don't think your DH is an arse, I think yabu for trying to be a martyr to it all when all it would take is a chat with DH.

I think he should do a fair share of housework etc. But I think it's understandable that he's moaning about broken sleep. Wasn't there a closer school your dd could have gone to within walking distance?

Lots of men at my dd's school do the school run, silverstar. Dh does it most mornings before work as it makes things easier as he can drive and I don't. I pick her up in the afternoons on foot, although if he's off that day he will usually pick her up as well.

fit as I said at the start of the OP.....I have lost my mojo today....I AM KNACKERED! I can "give up" a little for onee day if I want!

yep you can
[nodding head emoticon]

but don't moan about it when your DH does the same

Loads of men do the school run down here. Including grandfathers.

I feel sorry for OP. Sounds like she is going to have to do everything. 90% of the housework + work on projects while DH does his 3 or 4 shifts and that's more or less it.

It sounds like chaos to me. You're biting the heads off posters who I think are being genuinely helpful.

A yabu/yanbu answer isn't actually going to help you right now because you don't appear to be in the right frame of mind to take advice. We all have bad days and division of labour appears to cause a huge percentage of problems on here.

Speak to your husband, sort the division out and do yourself a favour and learn to drive.

I agree with Dizzy. He doesn't get 6-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. You can fill-in with the school run on an odd day, too. So it will take 90 minutes, give him a break.

He will moan about it but its not like you don't moan about doing housework either. He should help you out there just as you should help him out with the school run once in awhile.

Working 3rd shifts are not easy. You are working when everyone is sleeping. When you come home, everyone is up.

halcyondays She's already said that was the only school they got offered.

I agree with fit2drop - You need to sit with DH and discuss an active workable rota for both of you.

You're both being unreasonable.

Firstly you need to calm down and try and see it from his perspective. You're asking him to completely work around you purely because you're earning more (or at least that's how it's coming across). He's staying awake to take the kids to school and then having some time to himself before sleeping. He then has to get up again to pick up the kids, eat with the family, go back to bed, get up and go to work.

I certainly couldn't be doing that every time I had a nightshift, that's for certain.

If he's only doing 3 or 4 shifts a week then he should be having a more active role in housekeeping, washing etc, and you need to sit down with him and work something out that works for both of you without one of you being completely screwed over.

It's not an unreasonable request that you pick up the kids from school a couple of times a week. This would enable him to have a better quality of sleep because he has the potential to do it all in one go. It doesn't have to be every nightshift - I'm sure he knows how hard you're working - but giving him a break is not going to kill you.

As someone who works similar shifts, staying up til 12 faffing around is not faffing. It's having some time during the day to be awake. Try translating his shifts to "normal hours" and see what he's having to do to his body:

(say) 9am: go to work
4:30pm : come home
6pm: take kids to school
9pm: go to bed after having some wind down time
midnight: pick up kids, play with and look after kids
4am: go back to bed
8am: get up to go to work

It's a horrific timetable.

Yes, you need to speak to him about doing housework etc on days off, but you have to realise that working while everyone else is sleeping means that you have to sleep when everyone else is awake. FGS allow for that - you don't seem to be seeing past the fact that he is "around" during the day so that you can concentrate on work. He's not around at all. It would be very U of him to demand that you get up at 3am to do something for him.

Outsource. Outsource. Outsource. It is the key to all domestic issues. Because it either: a) gets it done more efficiently and effectively than you would have done it, or b) gets you and your husband to FOCUS on how much it costs to have it done by someone else (in other words, how valuable it is when you do it).

So, my suggestion is to get a cleaner in twice a week. Seriously. Someone to clean the house and do the laundry and ironing. You might pay this person 12 -15 quid an hour (?? not sure, am in NZ). If you earn more than that per hour, then it's a financial gain for your family. Tell DH it's his choice as something has to give: either he does the school run, does the cleaning or pays someone else to do the cleaning. Which would he prefer?

Also, if it's just a one-off moan then cut him some slack. Shift work is bloody soul destroying.

On the outsourcing theme, maybe you should look into a driver service for school pick up. I would trust a local taxi driver to pick up my kids alone provided it was the same driver every time and I had interviewed him/her and done background checks. Would probably be sexist and choose a woman driver. 3 is quite young for a pick up but will cope if he/she is with her older sibling.

Alot of children at SN schools get taken by taxi daily, alone, from aged 4. I know of 3 within my social circle alone, they cope ok and having an older sibling with them will make it easier.

But I agree that the OPs OH has a choice over when he sleeps, and as he has chosen this particular routine he cant really moan when it doesnt work for him, especially as he wont change it.

Thats good - because round here it is always mums.

Especially in this house......