To not want my 9y old reading about incurable cancer and AIDS in her school reading book?

[Bohica]

Fully prepared to be told IABU, I'm probably a bit sensitive as DH had cancer, although DD doesn't know this as she was only 5 at the time.

DD said she didn't want to read her home school book as it was sad and the little boy in it has cancer. I told her if a book didn't grab her attention within the first couple of chapters then she could find something else to read and I have now read her home school book this evening.

It's written from the view of a 12y old boy who wants to talk to the Queen so she can help cure his 8y old brothers cancer, he meets a sole mate who's brother is dying (and does die during the book) of AIDS.

It's sad and DD1 (eldest of 3 girls) is a sensitive sole and I don't think this is suitable reading for a 9y old, the blurb has a recommendation from a 13y old as a good read.

I wrote a note asking to change the book and DD was told no, not until she had read it so I'm now thinking of writting a longer note as I'm not impressed that.

A: a 9y old is given a topic of AIDS and cancer as a home school read.

B: DD was told she had to read the book before she could change it.

AIBU or a bit PFB?

I checked the book out online and I agree, it isn't going to be appropriate reading for many (not all) 9 year old girls.

I definitely wouldn't have any problem with my child reading this book. At all. In fact, I think I may buy it to read with my 8 year old.

By the age of 9 children know people get cancer and aids. All they know about it is that it's something terribly sad that adults don't want to talk about, even though it's real and might happen to them or members of their family.

This is a funny, brilliant book about love an relationships, which shows bad things can happen to people, but that life goes on.

shame you couldn't get time off work, because hitting the school where it hurts... absence figures would be quite effective... sorry dd is not in school today as she was awake with nightmares because she was told she had to read...

yanbu a quick phonecall to the teacher or head may help.

only you know whether it is appropriate. just because some children are rerady does not mean all children are ready to read it yet. she may well be able to tackle something like this in a couple of years, when she is ready.

I run in-school reading groups for Years 5 and 6. One of my members did pick up the other day that a lot of the books we had read - 'Shadow', 'Great Hamster Massacre' for example (all shortlisted for the Redhouse Children's Book Award by the way) had a lot of death in them. I asked them if it bothered them. Their response was (and I quote word for word because I wrote it down), "No. Grownups won't want you to read these books because they're about death but you should because they're really good." Not one child out of 30 was upset. One of the books we have read is Morris Gleitzman's 'Then' which we did give to parents to read first before letting the Year 5's read it because of its content. All of the parents were happy to let their children read the book and ALL of the children loved it. Yes, they did say some parts of the book were upsetting but that the quality of the writing was so good that they wanted to continue reading it.

This is not to say, however, that ALL books are suitable for ALL children. There are some children who are going to be affected by the content of what they read, whether because of the nature of the child or because of any personal circumstances. Some children are upset reading Jacqueline Wilson because of their family situation. Some children are upset reading Michael Morpurgo because they don't like it when animals die. You wouldn't ban Michael Morpurgo and Jacqueline Wilson from the 9/12 shelves would you?

'Two Weeks with the Queen' is a book classed as being suitable for a 9/12 year old but not ALL 9/12 year olds are going to be ready to read it.

I agree with other posters and am more concerned about the teacher forcing her to continue with a book she has tried but does not want to continue reading. Life is too short to finish a book you don't like. My reading groups are asked to read the first five chapters of any book I give them as this gives the book a chance to get going. If they don't like it after reading five chapters, they can stop reading. It doesn't happen very often.

Blackeyedsusan you sound like a toddler. "Hitting the school where it hurts" etc. A very grown-up attitude!

many years ago i worked as a libriarian and Two Weeks with the Queen was a very popular book with girls aged 9-12. Morris Gleitzman is generally a very good writer and tackles delicate subjects in quite sensitive ways. I am actually a bit of a fan.

It wouldnt bother me if my 8 yo DSD wanted to read it. It is a touching book about the realities of life.

I think it is fine for parents to say that they want to broach these kinds of subjects with their children and they should definately do that. THese kinds of books are not meant to replace that conversation but to support it and in some instances initiate it.

I think 9 is plenty old enough to be reading about the subject tbh.

Ds asked me what AIDS was the other day as it was mentioned in a book (Skullduggery Pleasance) he was reading.

He's known what cancer is since he was about 5 - it came up in conversation as he had overheard someone talking about it.

If 9 is too young, what is a better age in posters' opinions? Genuinely interested.

With regards to 'having to read a book' - I'd just say she has read it

At Ds's school there is no formal reading anymore - they just have to have a book in their bags and that can be any book they like, from home or from the school library.

I read this book when I was about the same age as your DD. I did find it very sad, but I really enjoyed it. The subject matter is dealt with very well. I think I actually found it harder to read 'The Cat Mummy' by Jacqueline Wilson, as my beloved cat had recently died and I couldn't get through that without crying.

FWIW, the man the boy meets is visiting his gay lover dying of AIDS, not his brother. Dunno if that makes a difference.

However, if your DD is distressed by the book and doesn't want to persevere with it, then she really shouldn't have to. A visit/phone call to the teacher (of failing that, the head) should sort that out. But, have you considered reading the book along side your daughter, and talking through the issues as you go?

I think the point is not that 9y olds shouldn't be reading about incurable cancer and AIDS, but that YOUR dd, who is particularly sensitive, is not enjoying THIS book and should be allowed to change it.

Haven't read all the thread, but my dd1 is 7 and my mam recently died of Lung cancer and I told her what she died of and why (smoking-hoping to put her off lol) However i dont think i would like her to read a book of this nature. She has just read Born to Run-which is not a book i would have chosen but she really enjoyed it-so maybe i am being pfb?

My ds has dealt with these issues at home, I don't think I'd be too upset if books were there like the one you described. But I'd be furious if it was too much for him emotionally and he was refused changing it. Teachers are brilliant with our children and their needs on so many levels, but in terms of thing like this I think the parent needs to be deferred to. You would not be unreasonable to write a further letter stating you wanted another book.

Kitty If it helps at all ds is 8, over the last two years his grandma, neighbour (unofficial Aunty) and great Uncle have had cancer.

He knows it is an illness that affects various parts of the body. He knows that cancer can kill as a class mate lost her father last year, but he also knows you have to have pretty serious nasty medicine that makes you more poorly than the cancer at times to try and get rid of it, or the part with the cancers has to be removed.

My instincts were initially just to say ill, rather than explain cancer, but that was for my benefit not his. But I'm so glad we broached the subject properly and discussed all the questions we had. It meant that this year when my Dad had to undergo major heart surgery out of the blue, that when he asked if his Grandad was going to die, we could be honest with him about the situation.

It is lovely to see him with his still recovering Grandad and Grandma (still in remission) and how much he appreciates what they can do with him

Thank you Bramshott that's what my AIBU? was about. I'm not bothere if she had chosen to read it but DD has said she doesn't want to read it.

It's not that I don't think DD should know about death, cancer and AIDS, she does know about them but she just doesn't want to read about them in this book right now. and I think she has a right to make that choice, she also chooses not to read Jaquiline Wilson as they make her sad.

I have a big issue with DD being told she couldn't change a book without reading it to the end.

DD was allowed to change her book this morning and she saw her teacher standing outside the heads office with the book and my note so it will be interesing to find out her point of view tomorrow evening

Honey tough times there, you sound like yu have handled everything with your son really well.

And thank you to all that have shared there experiences.

thankyou Bohica

I agree with every thing you've said there. Children can be amazingly resilient....doesn't mean they have to be. Sure the teacher may think she can cope, but reading is meant to be a pleasure, plenty of time for it to be a chore when revision sets in at secondary school.

I read some very sad books when your daughters age but I agree with what you are saying in your last post-if she doesn't feel it's right for her then she shouldn't read it just now.

Who of us can honestly say we have never picked a book and then not read it (right away) because at that particular time we didn't feel the subject matter was right for us/we didn't like the writing style or whatever?

Talk to the teacher. Maybe a lot of children return their books unread and never finish them and that's why she has rules like that? Seems very strict though. Maybe a face to face talk will clear the problem

My DS read this in primary school, so I think around 9, and was fine with it. I read it too a wept buckets.

Still though of your DD doesn't want to read this then the school shouldn't force it.

I think you deal with these things when you have to or when you feel comfortable, not when someone else chooses to.

(when I say my DS read it in primary school, it wasn't set reading. He was in primary school, and he read it)

Getting 9 yos to read this is like getting adults to watch "Casualty" etc. it happens in rl, of course, but aren't there a million and one more interesting and uplifting books to read? I don't see why it's important for this age to read depressing old stuff when they can read things that are fun and encouraging to reading. Doesn't mean they can't deal with difficult things in life just because they haven't read them in books.

"but aren't there a million and one more interesting and uplifting books to read? I don't see why it's important for this age to read depressing old stuff when they can read things that are fun and encouraging to reading"

But most people who've reviewed this book on amazon don't find it 'depressing' or boring - they find it funny and heart warming.

OK, you might have me there. Just not sure I'd put a book about cancer at the top of my "must read" list and wouldn't expect a child to do so either. But I am funny re these sort of things, I don't want to read them, less so enjoy reading them (I am not the target market for the misery memoir, which I saw sold in WHS as "tragic life stories" - yeeees, must go for them. Not).

I think this is like me grabbing a book from the Library at speed because it looks good, has good reviews etc, and then finding by Chapter 2 that there is a dead or missing child in it and finding I can go no further [big wuss at 37 emoticon]!