To not want my 9y old reading about incurable cancer and AIDS in her school reading book?

[Bohica]

Fully prepared to be told IABU, I'm probably a bit sensitive as DH had cancer, although DD doesn't know this as she was only 5 at the time.

DD said she didn't want to read her home school book as it was sad and the little boy in it has cancer. I told her if a book didn't grab her attention within the first couple of chapters then she could find something else to read and I have now read her home school book this evening.

It's written from the view of a 12y old boy who wants to talk to the Queen so she can help cure his 8y old brothers cancer, he meets a sole mate who's brother is dying (and does die during the book) of AIDS.

It's sad and DD1 (eldest of 3 girls) is a sensitive sole and I don't think this is suitable reading for a 9y old, the blurb has a recommendation from a 13y old as a good read.

I wrote a note asking to change the book and DD was told no, not until she had read it so I'm now thinking of writting a longer note as I'm not impressed that.

A: a 9y old is given a topic of AIDS and cancer as a home school read.

B: DD was told she had to read the book before she could change it.

AIBU or a bit PFB?

I think there would be nothing wrong in principle with this book for a 9 year old. However, I think there is something wrong in principle in forcing a child to read it if they are upset by it (which your DD was) - or indeed any book that they don't like and have a reason for not liking. As mentioned above, it makes reading into a chore.

Yes, that's the book I was thinking of.

I think you're right to speak to the teacher about it, as you've planned. I agree that no one should be forced to keep reading a book if they don't like it.

I'd be more concerned that the school says she can't change her book until she's read this one. That's not realistic - you can't force someone to read a book and the upshot of this kind of requirement is turning someone off reading all together. She'll just not read full stop. It sounds as though the reason for not liking the book came from your DD, not from you, and it's a perfectly valid reason. She's not refusing to read, just refusing to read this book.

This is a very popular book in English classes, I recognise it from the description. Perhaps BECAUSE they lost a classmate the teacher felt this would be an appropriate way to help students deal with their emotions? "Practising" emotions through literature is a good way to prepare for what life will (sadly) bring to us all - and to many while still at a young age. Wish I'd had a bit more preparation.

YANBU its not up to the teacher as to when a child is emotionally mature enough to deal with these kind of issues.

I agree with most of the above posters. This is your child, once she has read this stuff you cannot take the knowledge away. I would tell her not to read it and tell the teacher that you do not want her reading it either in or out of school. You can be perfectly o.k. with the teacher over this but also very firm. Make sure your child knows that the decision is yours.

Having read the info and reviews on Amazon, I think it looks a great children's book, but I would want to read it myself before letting my child read it, just to make sure they could cope with the content. DCs are 3 and 6, so that's a while off yet.
We have a lot of illness in my family, specifically my dad who has a rare blood cancer, MS and suffered an acquired brain injury in February from which he will never properly recover, so I guess my children have been exposed to this sort of thing from an early age. I have always been open and honest with them about issues like this, my grandad died of prostate cancer when DD was 4; she knows that cancer is an illness and people can die from it. It's difficult when you have to face these things as a family, and sometimes literature like this can help. I teach at secondary level and I know there would be children who would find such content difficult to cope with, and would think carefully about which students I would read it with.
If your DD does not have to read it, return it with a note explaining that currently you do not feel your daughter will be able to cope with the content and that you would like her to change it. Or lie and say she's finished it!

I think it's really important for kids to learn to self-censor and not finish a book, game or film if it's scaring them or upsetting them. I'm sure everyone can think back to a book in their childhood that freaked them out and they wished they could have unread it! (I remember nights of bad dreams thanks to a book on ghosts when I was a similar age!)

I would be really cross with any teacher who said either of my (voracious reader) dses had to finish a book before choosing another unless they had a history of not reading anything to the end. In fact, we've actually returned a couple of books with the rather spurious reason of "sorry, he just really didn't get into this book and it was turning into a chore - could we have another" with no problems whatsoever.

To summarise: YADNBU

Why don't you talk to the teacher about your concerns. I would not be happy too, as these are sensitive topics so is up to the parents to broach, this should'nt be in the child's reading books tbh. I am saying this as someone who lost their dad from cancer as a little girl, its not really something you want a child to know unless they have to.

Thanks worra!
OP, I think that the problem I have with this sort of thing is that a DC's imagination can run wild when given too much or too little information (via a story or because of real life events).
It's a minefield, how much DC should know and at what age is so complex.

I think that's why it's important for kids to learn to draw their own lines.

Really, we can't always tell what's going to upset them or not, but if they do see or read something that disturbs them then if they know it's okay to a) switch off, close the book, do something else without repercussions and b) talk about it with you without fear of ridicule then you won't have to police their content as much - it'll be a skill they have themselves.

Iggi999 just wanted to clarify that this is not a class reading book, DD picked it at random and then discovered the content and didn't want to read past Chp 3.

I would be more than my little bit peeved state if that was the case tbh as DD was very distressed about her class friend especially because of her little sister having a heart condition (I explained it wasn't the same condition etc etc but still the seed was planted and she is very protective over her little sister now)

If it was a class read I would want to be notified beforehand so I could start working with DD at home and preparing her for the class work.

We all enjoy reading and I am currently reading wind in the willows to the girls at bedtime - great classic ready for dreaming tale!
I forgot how great it is

Thanks for all the replies, I have written a note and explained I will be at the open parents evening as soon as I can be after work if the teacher wants to discuss it further (basic content is that DD is not finishing this book)

I assume the posters saying "this should be dealt with in the home" also make sure kids don't learn anything about WW2, where babies come from, or read anything by Shakespeare. What a strange attitude.

But, to add, I agree worra this type of book can be beneficial when DC are (in real life) faced with a difficult situation.. It can offer explanation and comfort.
Not sure if I would offer it to a DC without a reason IYSWIM.

I wouldn't have any problem with it being available to read, I would have a huge problem with her being made to read it. Actually, I'd have a problem with her being made to read any book, unless it was a class read - but even then, if she was genuinely upset by it then I'd be having words.

I agree with RubberDuck

Bohica it seems more unreasonable of teacher not to let the book be swapped (as not a class book) though I still think there is value in reading books with such themes.

Well seeing as she doesn't have to read it, then YANBU at all. What kind of teacher is going to instil a love of reading by forcing kids to read books they're not enjoying. I would not waste time reading a book I don't enjoy, so why should a child?

I am that your dd is made to read something that she does not want to, it should be her right like an adult to choose not to read something if it upsets or scares her or she does not like it.

I do as well Iggi we have read lot's of books about hospital visits when DD3 first became diagnosed and they were a help because they weren't forced on DD1.

It was a well written book but just not right for my 9y old, this is a child that heard about the recent riots in holiday club and spent a week sleeping at the bottom of our bed inbetween spending the nights checking on her sisters incase the rioters came. I helped her over come this by taping and previewing news about how the rioters were dealt with and we went to a police station open day and I coaxed police officers into letting her know we live in a safe area with lot's of police support and no threats.

I'll speak to her teacher on Wednesday, I'm assuming the teacher doesn't realize what the book is about and has only had a few weeks to get to know DD.

Thanks again for all you help everyone!

I teach Y4 and the children in my class know that the expectation is that books will be read from the beginning to the end unless there is a reason for them not to. However, being Y4 I am sure that they will have all told their parents that, "Mrs SE13 says I must read the whole of every book before I can change it". Being a reasonable human being of course I let children swap a book if it's not something they are enjoying for whatever reason but they select their home reading books (parents are encouraged to come in and help them choose but few do) and are given lots of time to read the blurb, try out a chapter or two etc. before making a decision so it doesn't happen often.

If a book is upsetting a child and they don't want to read on then I'm sure most teachers would be understanding and wouldn't need a child's opinion to be reinforced by a parent. Some 9 year olds will be ready for stories such as this, others will still enjoy the Rainbow Fairies whilst another group will be devouring the Classics (some of which are incredibly upsetting and gory). Jacqueline Wilson's books are aimed at this age range and some of her tales include tragic deaths, cancer, comas and the like. Being able to select appropriate reading material is an important skill and, if a child is particularly sensitive to stories based around themes of sadness then it may be helpful for her to spend some time on Amazon or the Puffin website reading reviews and blurb of books before choosing - ideally no 9-year-old should be bringing home a book selected randomly, each should be a positive choice.

Personally, I wouldn't expect the teacher to remove this book from the class library; whilst it has upset your DD it may be exactly what another child needs to read. I don't particularly want my own DD (aged nearly 7) reading Roald Dahl's The Witches at the moment because she has a real 'thing' about being scared of witches. However, I don't expect her teachers to take it off the shelves as that would massively disadvantage the Dahl fans in her class who love witches. What I do expect is for my DD to make sensible, considered choices about the books she reads and, if her sensible, considered choice results in her choosing a book that turns out, unexpectedly, to be about witches then I would encourage her to tell her teacher that in spite of her careful selection, as she was scared of witches she couldn't bring herself to read any more.

Fantastic post SE13 some great points and I will pass some of your wisdom on to DD. It's her choice and taking time to read a blurb is important so she has the chance to enjoy her choices.

I wouldn't expect the book to be removed I just expected "Please change book, DD isn't enjoying it, enough for DD to be able to change her book.

I've taught that book - it's a nice book, yeah it is sad, but it's also really really funny...

The problem is that with children who aren't Reading at a stage where they get the humour and the main character starting to mature, it's just depressing

Have changed name because I used school stuff.

I'm not sure it's even an age appropriate book. I checked school book ordering software and it is on the recommended list for KS3, 10+, rated Young Adult.

It's quite an old book and I'm not sure if it doesn't do more harm than good in reinforcing the stereotype that AIDS is a gay disease and it will kill you.

I think the book should be read by a child who is able to understand the humour in it and put it in its historical perspective. Both a big ask for Yr4 or 5.

The title is misleading for a 9 year old.

I don't think 9 is too young to read about things like this.

I learned all about AIDS, anorexia, cancer etc from reading Woman's Own when I was 9.