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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was IBU to ask at 3.30am.....

75 replies

woowoo2 · 26/09/2011 11:14

....that my dp come home from his night out with friends, rather than join them to go on elsewhere - 10 miles from home - meaning he would not have been coming home at all until today....

None of dp's friends have the same commitments that he does, and so they all gave him grief for coming home at my request. He is thoroughly pissed off with me today because after hours of drinking I asked him to come home because I didn't see why he wanted to stay out all night - I wouldn't do it and if I did there would definitely be an issue!

WIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
woowoo2 · 26/09/2011 12:47

because my ds gets dropped back off by his dad at 7am every monday morning

OP posts:
Original poster
woowoo2 · 26/09/2011 12:51

minimisschief i do think its an issue regarding my ds aged 5 being left in the playground without a parent for 20 minutes. I have done it before in sheer desperation but not because of a night out

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 26/09/2011 12:59

You sound like my wife and i never understand her point of view on this.

For example, i am due out this friday for a works annual do (only go out once or twice a year). She wants me back no later than 12 yet i want the opportunity to stay out all noght if i want. To me its a rare occasion so i want to have a good time, to her she thinks i am past it and need to grow up.

I am 29 got 2 kids. Am i not aloud to have a good time every know and then.

Also if he is suffering the next day then let him deal with it, walking to school with a hangover is not bad.

Also giving him grief and using the kid as an excuse is bad when it turns out the kid isnt even his.

AbbyAbsinthe · 26/09/2011 12:59

I can sort of understand why you'd be pissed off if you'd had to do the school run. But he had said he would do it, and at no point did he say he wouldn't. So he would have had to do the (walking) school run feeling like shit.

I do think you're making a bit of a fuss, tbh. It was a special occasion, it's not like he does it every weekend, is it?

I can only really see it as how I would feel if I were him. I'd be a bit bloody pissed off, I think.

AbbyAbsinthe · 26/09/2011 13:01

Sorry, MrSpock, that's a load of bollocks. Don't be so insulting Hmm

CurrySpice · 26/09/2011 13:03

I'm afarid you are not his mother and can't really tell him what to do

If I were him I would be pretty miffed as well.

CurrySpice · 26/09/2011 13:03

And why were you awake at 3:30 am anyway?

notsofastmrbond · 26/09/2011 13:04

No YANBU.

I did this about a year ago with DH who was out on a work pissup. When he hadn't turned up at 2 I texted him and reminded him that we didn't have much money and that he was going to spend the following day respraying and fixing a door on to the car we were selling later that week.

He huffed and puffed about it at the time but came home and then told me the next day he was glad he hadn't stayed out any later to get any more stupidly drunk.

pictish · 26/09/2011 13:06

Yabu. You are not his boss, his keeper, or his mother. Your reasons for expecting him to come home on your say so, are pretty lame.

Simmer down Little Miss Bossy!

Original poster
woowoo2 · 26/09/2011 13:06

yes mrspock that is a load of bollock. He is ds's step dad and takes a share of the responsibility as I do with his dd's

Also, the fact he is not working means him taking ds to school saves us money on breakfast club

And no he didn't say he would not do the school run this morning, there was NO WAY he was going to be home on time to do it if he went on to this party 10 miles away at 3.30am!

OP posts:
notsofastmrbond · 26/09/2011 13:07

MrSpoc, twelve is too early I agree but I would think you were childish if you wanted to stay up all night with your work colleagues too.

Original poster
woowoo2 · 26/09/2011 13:07

curryspice I was awake at 3.30 because he woke me up!

OP posts:
booyhoo · 26/09/2011 13:08

i'm with mrspoc here.

the only thing i would have an issue with isteh fact that he didn't actually agree with you that youwould take your ds to school instead. if it had been mypartner and he had sked me to do school run on wa to work as he was heading out i would have agreed wth no resentment at all.

there will be other children in the playground at 8.40 and playground supervisors. it wouldn't have had anegative effect on your sn to be leftthere early.

booyhoo · 26/09/2011 13:11

"When he hadn't turned up at 2 I texted him and reminded him that we didn't have much money and that he was going to spend the following day respraying and fixing a door on to the car we were selling later that week"

how patronising are you?

he is an adult, he should be aware ofhow much money you as a family haveandmakehis own decisions about how much to spend. if he spends too much then you need to tell him you are annoyed but you dont ring him like a parent and remind him of his budget! the same with the car door, it's himthat will be spraying itsoit's up to him tomake surehe doesn't get too drunk. i cant believe you texted an adult liek that!

notsofastmrbond · 26/09/2011 13:14

I didn't ring him like a parent, I texted him Wink

He is well aware that he has no self control whatsoever when he's drunk. That's why he was glad I called him.

Thanks though, it always amuses me on here when people start shrieking at me Grin

Tanif · 26/09/2011 13:15

booyhoo there is nothing patronising about reminding someone who is pissed as a fart that they have a budget to stick to. It's amazing how people seem to forget that money doesn't grow on trees once the alcohol is flowing. It also seems to be the most hard up that get the rounds in, perhaps to prove some kind of point. It is VERY easy to come back £100 lighter when that £100 was needed for food.

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 26/09/2011 13:16

Agree with AbbyAbsinthe Complete and utter bollocks. He chose to get into a relationship with the OP knowing she had a DS.

OP YANBU He'd already been drinking for 12 hours. Drinking isn't cheap so if he isn't working how could he afford to stay out all night?

pictish · 26/09/2011 13:16

MrSpoc, twelve is too early I agree but I would think you were childish if you wanted to stay up all night with your work colleagues too.

Oh bog off. I went to party on Sat night and stayed there till 6am....along with everyone else. My husband didn't give a monkeys because he's not an uptight, funkill that thinks having a blow out with your friends is 'childish'.

Get knotted!

booyhoo · 26/09/2011 13:16

Grin at him being grateful for being infantilised!

maybe if you stopped parenting him he would learn not to drink so much and remain in control.

notsofastmrbond · 26/09/2011 13:17

MORE shrieking.

This is fun.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 26/09/2011 13:22

MrSpoc there is a difference between staying out on a Friday night and having to cope with a hangover on Sat and staying out on Sunday night and missing the school run you were supposed to do leaving your partner picking up the pieces.

As for your vile comment about stepchildren ... it speaks volumes about your level of maturity. Don't project your frustrations about when you are asked to return home on to the OP's family.

booyhoo · 26/09/2011 13:23

tanif itis patronising. you are assuming that adult is taking no responsbility for themselves at all! ifsomeone has a habitof over spendingwhen drunk then it's up tothem to set themselves a budget before they go out, lift the money in cash and come home when it's run out. sure e all overspend from time to time but if a partner ever called/texted while i was out to remind me of our budget i would think they were jealous taht i was out and trying to spoil my fun. seriously,if i overspend when i'm out that is my fault and up to me to replace those funds i they are from family money. i dont need another adult telling me this!!

Original poster
woowoo2 · 26/09/2011 13:24

well, it was our 'family money' that footed the bill for last night

He is still in bed anyway, nursing a hangover and so I have had to book ds in to after school club too.

Knowing him like I do, he would still be drinking now if I hadn't asked him to come home

OP posts:
notsofastmrbond · 26/09/2011 13:25

Some of us only have family money booyhoo.

Some of us don't live like single people who squirrel away money in our separate accounts so we can go out and piss it all up the wall.

Some of us, shock horror, can't afford to piss money up the wall.

MrSpoc · 26/09/2011 13:26

ChazsBrilliantAttitude - nothing to do with my vile view at all. I took on a child as my own so feck off darling.

I meant Op has treated her partner as a kid and used her kid as the excuse. (not sure why he could not walk to school with a hangover and its not like a regualr thing is it).

Then it turns out it is not his own child.