appropriate clothes for 11/12 year olds?

[rhondajean]

Im looking to see whether I am being too strict here.

DD1 is in first year of senior school and had her first school disco recently.

She wore a lovely Ted Baker at Debenhams dress, which is nice and quite trendy (imo anyway) but not revealing at all. She had however arranged to borrow a dress from a friend which was a Lipsy dress.

She came back to say that half the girls were wearing Lipsy dresses. I had managed to defuse the situation about her wearing one by being too busy to collect the borrowed dress, but even if not, I think she is far too young to be wearing that sort of dress and I cant help wondering what these other girls mothers are thinking. Apparently they were in very short skirts, cutout tops, one shouldered etc. I have no objection to that in itself, they are lovely dresses in a nightclub, but I just think that at that age, its far too young to dress like this www.lipsy.co.uk

So what do you think, am I being hopelessly oldfashioned or not? AIBU not letting her wear one of them?

Thats why I was asking star. I had a very conservative mother (thats one way of putting it anyway!) and I think if she had had her way Id have gone out in burkhas - and we arent even Muslim.

I dont want her to be too out of touch with what other girls her age are wearing. But neither do I want her to have to deal with things that arent fair on her at her age (for example, some of the girls in her class wear full makeup including foundation every day to school, get up early to straighten their hair, etc - Ive told her that shes got plenty of years ahead of her to have to do all that and to enjoy not having to while she can!)

Theres something that doesnt sit right with me about girls so young dressing like that. And of course we all wanted to be older than we were, and get dressed up, I get that. But neither do I want her to be out of touch - to me its about teaching her how to deal with situations slowly and in a controlled way which she can handle without putting her under stress.

And btw - we dont live in England either, so its not just there. I think I will just be sticking to my guns about what I feel is suitable for her -thanks for all your comments. Its so difficult - this is why I wanted boys!!!!

I was never allowed to go out in stuff like that at 12, startail. 15, yes, after a lot of battling with my parents over it, but not 12. At the time I thought they were unreasonable but now I respect why they were strict on those things.

I'm with dancergirl. 12 is just too young. Maybe the fact that my 12 year old still looks like a 9 year old in size makes it easier for me. I do see girls in my daughter's year and think "they can't possibly be Year 8!", which they obviously are, so maybe I'm somehow in some sort of cloud cuckoo land! But my 15 year old was much bigger and I never let her dress like that either.

at Hully.

Adopting the same style is another way to put older children and teenagers off something I'm told. I have plans for DH to wear his trousers around his arse when DS is of an age if necessary.

startail -I'm over 40 too and although I can't remember too many specifics about what I did wear as12/13 year old I certainly don't remember quite as much flesh being on show as there seems to be today, or the ultra padded bras, high heels, mini-adult clothing in the childrens dept etc. that seem to be everywhere.

(I wasn't a 'conservative' dresser as a teen or in my early 20s either believe me!)

Yup - what startail says. I did wear some absurdly short skirts though (with very thick tights. Or fishnets.).

Wow, I always thought Lipsy dresses were priced around the same as Jane Norman or something. Amazing that so many of the girls mothers would fork out so much to make them look so cheap.

YANBU - Let Girls Be Girls and all that.

No not as much flesh, our tops weren't as low or tight, but our skirts and trousers certainly were revealingly tight.
I don't think we ever thought of them as revelling or sexy, just as fashionable.

The lipsy dresses are very expensive, so I would never spend that on an 11/12 year old. But Ted Baker is also very expensive - so money obviously isn't an issue for the OP.

I wouldn't let my 11/12 year old DDs wear lipsy around town - I would be worried about boys/men thinking they are older than they are, or my DD's pretending to be older.

But at a supervised school disco I really wouldn't have an issue. Yes they are not my taste, but I wouldn't expect my DDs to have the same taste as their mother. And I remember some of the things I used to wear which I now think are hideous.

And at 11/12 my DD's had breasts and were going through puberty. So these wouldn't have looked daft on them.

Although round hear the fashion seems to be for shorts and coloured tights.

Lipsy dresses are, imo, for older girls (15/16+) at the least.

Even as an adult, I wouldn't wear one as I think they are too skimpy, and even at 5'2", too short.

I think you must be feeling a little uncomfortable about them too, as you have asked.

Say no, you are allowed.

I think perhaps the difference when I was young is, that while I did wear shorts and small top, it was nothing like what adults or older teens wore.

I don't remember going to discos till I was about 15, and as far as I can remember no-one dressed up particularly - certainly you wouldn't get parents shelling out for an expensive dress just for a disco!

My 2 are 17 and 20 now so have been through that "difficult" phase where they seem to want to dresss like a hooker.

I was pretty strict, but also knew I had to compromise a little.

At 12/13 I would usually shop with them and would let them try on most of what they wanted and add a few things which I really liked.

I would say a big fat no to anything which was too revealling/sexy etc and then let them choose from what was left.
As someone else said you are the parent and it is allowed to say No, if you feel it is the right thing.

tbh I don't really see an issue with a girl this age wearing a short dress at a school disco. I was going to school discos regularly from 11/12. Although we wouldn't have spent a lot on a dress, we did wear short skirts - in 80's. Our mums would veto anything too short and then we would roll them up shorter at the waistband as soon as our parents weren't there.

Girls would also wear very very tight jeans - the fashion was to wear them in the bath new so they shrunk even more - with most waiting until our parents were out. Also ra ra skirts, halternecks, etc.

Although also some bizarre fashions like the starsky and hutch cardigans.

I would talk to DD about how girls can be judged on what they wear e.g. easy if wear short skirts, but also about how this is a double standard i.e. feminist slant. But I would want her to know that a lot of boys will judge her on what she wears.

I am interested in what the OP things is a trendy Ted Baker dress? Would you link to it?

At DD yr 6 leaving "prom" all the girls wore Tammy Girl prom dresses which were not too grown up . My DD is now 14 and yr9 and has not worn a dress since. She lives in skinny jeans and band t shirts.

I used to run the design room - ie head designer/tech - for one of their competitors, so know the brand very well & there is no way my own DD would be wearing anything like that at that age, despite it being very much my own design style - - we used to say - I designed for barmaids & trannies- & I know their designer at the time said the same sort of thing - I would be horrified to think of DD going out looking like that at 11/12 & I'm gobsmacked that some parents will - if any at all I bet its a lot less than your DD is telling you

Oh, my goodness, I remember shrinking my jeans in the bath - I'd forgotten that. I think I was about 13. I never thought I was being revealing, though, just that it was the fashion. My mum thought I was absurd but let me do it!

I thought it was just the fashion as well, but it was pretty revealing.

And lipsy has prom dresses/shift dresses, etc. Yes there are some very tarty dresses, but I doubt these are the lipsy dresses that the girls were wearing.

I have 4 DDs, DD3 is in Year 7. I wouldn't let her wear a Lipsy dress yet, its just too grown up.

DD1 (15) has some similarly revealing dresses (strapless, short style ones), which she puts with massive heels and backcombed hair. We let her start wearing them probably around the start of Year 10, after we discovered she'd spent the latter half of Year 9 borrowing even more revealing stuff from friends. To be honest, even her wearing them now at 15 sits uneasily with me, so no way would I have let her at 11/12.

DD2 (13) is much more body conscious, and hates showing bra straps etc, so we haven't had as bigger battle with her on this front. She's more your Jack Wills/Hollister/Abercrombie/H&M kind of girl.

DD3 (11), who is just into Year 7 is already starting to push for more 'grown up' clothes. We've spent a small fortune in Jack Wills already, most of which doesn't bloody fit as she's so small still. Lipsy stuff would hang off her, thank the lord!

Is anyone else finding the jump to secondary huge? At the end of primary, DD3 was absolutely a child. She wasn't particularly brand aware, and was happy to dash off to school with half her breakfast round her mouth. 3 weeks into secondary, she's already getting up to 'do' her hair, worrying about what she's wearing at weekends, pushing for makeup (NO WAY for school), and I've caught the school skirt creeping up a couple of times as she's left the house. All 3 of my girls were the same - it's like secondary morphs them into teens. At least DD4 is still low maintenance!

GGI - I'm lucky to have a daughter who doesn't seem to be in a rush to grow up too soon. Apart from being embarrassed by the basic Nokia phone which she'd been perfectly happy with when it was bought just before she started secondary - she seems more or less oblivious to labels. And actually wants her hair in two plaits for school still, bless her little cotton socks