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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

appropriate clothes for 11/12 year olds?

71 replies

rhondajean · 25/09/2011 19:09

Im looking to see whether I am being too strict here.

DD1 is in first year of senior school and had her first school disco recently.

She wore a lovely Ted Baker at Debenhams dress, which is nice and quite trendy (imo anyway) but not revealing at all. She had however arranged to borrow a dress from a friend which was a Lipsy dress.

She came back to say that half the girls were wearing Lipsy dresses. I had managed to defuse the situation about her wearing one by being too busy to collect the borrowed dress, but even if not, I think she is far too young to be wearing that sort of dress and I cant help wondering what these other girls mothers are thinking. Apparently they were in very short skirts, cutout tops, one shouldered etc. I have no objection to that in itself, they are lovely dresses in a nightclub, but I just think that at that age, its far too young to dress like this www.lipsy.co.uk

So what do you think, am I being hopelessly oldfashioned or not? AIBU not letting her wear one of them?

OP posts:
seeker · 25/09/2011 20:45

"Had never heard of Lipsy till I came on here tonight but oh my word! Do people really dress 11-year olds in those?

I am obviously completely old-fashioned dressing my 10-year old DD in dresses from Next and M & S!!

Not sure you're completely reasonable talking about "dressing" a 10 or 11 year old! But yes, I agree that those dresses are too grown up and too expensive for most 11 year olds.

YouWinOrYouDie · 25/09/2011 20:48

The style is a bit cheap-looking for a child though, which makes the cost of them somewhat infuriating if one's DD is insisting that everyone has one...

You know - I wonder if the problem is that we think anything goes with DDs up to a certain age: we gladly buy the harmless Disney Princess dresses with the fake silk and satin and lace (which we NEVER had) and then they have an expectation that it will just continue when there should be a gap between a child in dressing-up clothes and a soon-to-be-grown young person wearing real ones.

There were no bought Princess-gowns when I was growing up and as my DD has grown the upper age-limit seems to have been extended from 6-7 to 10-11.

fatlazymummy · 25/09/2011 21:06

It's not even just a matter of age. TBH I would never have worn most of those dresses as an adult, even though I used to have a slim figure. I just wouldn't have felt comfortable wearing that type of dress in public.

squeakytoy · 25/09/2011 21:12

Oh I quite enjoy dressing like that in public at the right event Grin

nooka · 25/09/2011 21:14

It is for a one off occasion though, really fairly equivalent to dressing up. I'm quite happy for my dd to pretend to be an adult for an evening, so long as she's back to wearing shorts/jeans etc the next morning (just like me really). It's not as if anyone is going to be thinking she is actually a grown up at a school disco.

I am very careful about dd's clothes (as far as I think is reasonable) as she is so tall and could easily be mistaken for being several years older. But for a one of I'd be more bothered about the cost.

rubyrubyruby · 25/09/2011 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

plainwhitet · 25/09/2011 21:24

I have two teenage dds and it is very tricky; fortunately at that age they did not like bras showing (different at nearly 16 ...) so was able to steer away from anything too overtly sexy; or else t shirts or cami tops underneath; also seemed to prefer black tights which helped on the non-tarty front. I would also go on the simply can't afford it tack ...

GrimmaTheNome · 25/09/2011 21:42

Blimey. My DD is 12.5 and I don't think she'd be seen dead in any of those - (not that they'd fit her - she's only about 142 cm tall but quite plump). She's like yours, whiteT - must wear a bra and it mustn't show - she wouldn't even wear perfectly decent strappy sundresses this summer.

She chose to wear jeggings and a really nice tunic top to her yr8 disco this friday - most of the others seemed to be wearing short, often strapless dresses. As far as I can tell she was perfectly happy with her choice (whew!) - we hadn't found anything she liked in New Look which is about the only store with 'teen' range she like.

Where else is good for kids this age though? She's going to need something a bit dressier for a primary school reunion bash in a couple of months time - she hates shopping and I'm frankly clueless!

pointythings · 25/09/2011 21:42

I do think they look a bit tacky - surely there has to be amiddle ground, i.e. short, but not too short?

School discos do get very, very hot so you need to adjust for that. I always drop DD off in her winter coat (if it's winter, obviously) and then pick her up again in the same way so that she doesn't catch her death coming out.

I wouldn't want my DD in one of those (she'll be 11 in January and is 4.10) but I wouldn't object to something that shows her off a little as long as it isn't too revealing.

Last year at her first school disco there were some Yr8s who were dressed like kerbside professinoals, one of them dropped something in front of us and bent to pick it up and you could see her cheeks, as it were. Fortunately DD thought it was gross.

GrimmaTheNome · 25/09/2011 21:50

For last yrs disco (yr7) DD had a perfectly OK dress from new look - jersey top, scoop necked but not too low, skirt above the knee but well below the bottom! The only really short skirt she has she always wears with leggings - she wouldn't dream of wearing it without.

mummymeister · 25/09/2011 22:44

Grimma what we do without leggings! Eldest is 13 and wears them under all dresses which is ideal imo. Op is NBU but some pre- teens still look like children whilst others look like and have the hormones of a much older person! went shopping with DD1 today and it is really tough finding something i am happy for her to wear to the disco and that she wants. the leggings compromise won again. do find New Look teen section and Primark ideal. OP take your DD out on a girly shopping trip and see if you can find compromises

musicposy · 25/09/2011 22:56

Grimma my 12 year old is like yours, tiny (under 140cm tall), but very slight too, and must wear a bra which mustn't show. This, thankfully, cuts out a whole load of tarty stuff, plus the fact that she's still mostly in age 9-10 stuff.

It must be harder if they are more adult sized, so OP, YANBU. My 15 year old went through a tricky phase a couple of years back where adult clothes just looked too grown up and children's didn't fit.

I really dislike short skirts etc on 12 year old girls. I like Primark; they have loads of stuff in a size 6 or 8 which is nice for teens. My 15 year old dresses mainly from there (lack of money prohibiting the Jack wills/ Hollister trends!) and always looks like a teenager but without looking tarty.

rubyrubyruby · 25/09/2011 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExitPursuedByaBear · 25/09/2011 23:04

I am more impressed that your DD's school is organising a disco at the start of term.............

LittleMissFlustered · 25/09/2011 23:31

Lipsy have a shop inside the local Next. Says it all really. Nasty!

lesley33 · 26/09/2011 08:06

I think lipsy dresses are fine for a school disco. Not my taste - but I would let my dd wear one.

AKissIsNotAContract · 26/09/2011 08:23

I think I'll be taking all my Lipsy dresses to the charity shop after reading this thread, I feel too old for them now.

GrimmaTheNome · 26/09/2011 09:04

Kiss - and that could solve the problem for those who think spending that much on a dress, which will almost certainly only get one wearing before its outgrown, is barmy!

Theas18 · 26/09/2011 09:13

Tartsville dresses I'm afraid!! Not at all suitable for 12yrs olds at a school disco LOL.

Like rubyruby my 12yr old would look 18 in one- no way!! We are trying to teach her to look "sophisticated" if she wants to dress up... and to disco in shorts and, leggings + a sparkly top (and if she takes the leggings off actually she looks more like a dressed up 12yr old rather than an 18yr old which is interesting!)

HSMM · 26/09/2011 09:15

At my DD's yr 7 parties/discos last year, all the girls wore short black skirts and assorted strappy tops. DD loves her opaque tights, so she was quite decent. All the boys wore boring clothes and Justin Beiber fringes.

No-one was leering at the girls I don't think, they just all wanted to wear the same stuff. Good old peer pressure. I think Primark is their favourite shop at the moment.

If my DD wanted to wear something that I really thought was inappropriate, I would have a talk with her.

Hullygully · 26/09/2011 09:19

My dd (12) bought a tight black mini dress (she was shopping with friends) that was just hideous.

I just said oh, ok, if that's what you want to wear and you'll be comfortable in it.

She said, don't you like it?

I said, it's not me that has to wear it. If you like it, that's all that matters. I wouldn't wear it because I think it looks like you're going to go and work the streets, but hey, up to you.

She didn't wear it - but it was her choice.

Heh heh.

sunnydelight · 26/09/2011 09:25

YANBU. I am very glad that we live in a country that's a bit backwards fashion-wise and where kids still dress like kids if that's what 11/12 year olds are wearing in England these days. The 18 year olds I know dress more tastefully than that!

mumto2andnomore · 26/09/2011 09:27

My 12 year old and her friends wouldnt feel comfortable in dresses like that. We find H and M, New Look and M and S teenage ranges good for clothes we both like !

Dancergirl · 26/09/2011 09:33

OMG, there's NO WAY I would allow an 11 year old to wear something like that. My oldest dd is 10 so not far off. She's starting to like more trendy clothes now which is fine but not clothes designed for adult women. There's something quite freaky about pre-pubescent little girls dressing up in women's dresses which are designed to be sexy and I would go so far to say it's irresponsible of parents to let them.

If that makes me old-fashioned so be it.

startail · 26/09/2011 09:51

Hang on folks, I accept that the Lipsy dresses are over priced and many of the low cut and strapless ones would not fit even my size 12 thirteen year old because they need more bust, but what did you go out in aged 12/13.
I'm 40+, a child of the 80s and I remember vest tops ( no bra straps though) short rara rara skirts, and incredibly tight jeans and straight skirts you couldn't walk in. Summer shorts were just that short and leggings were worn without bum covering long tops.
We never wore today's ridiculously short skirts to school, but I'm sure the generation of girls before me did.