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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anyone living where they grew up?

74 replies

toptramp · 24/09/2011 22:24

And wondering if the grass is greener? I grew up in a small town which is lovely but I moved away to cities to do uni and also travelled abroad. I wanted to stay in my uni city as I loved the social life but when I got pregnant I moved back home to be near my parents.

It IS lovely here and perfect for bringoing up kids plus I am near dad (mum has sadly since left us) but AIBU for feeling a little bit bored and mabe a bit of a failure that I couldn't make a life for myself elsewhere? I know I am being unreasonable but small towns can be such a bubble. I won't move probably but I wonder if I will end up here as an old lady regretting the fact that I didn't spread my wings.

OP posts:

NinkyNonker · 25/09/2011 08:44

Nope, miles away. We live near where DH grew up, he has lived in many other places and countries before coming back here. None of his family are still here.

SardineQueen · 25/09/2011 08:46

We live 5 min walk from my parents, 10 mins walk from dhs (the houses we grew up in).

I have lived in a couple of other places but I really like it here. It feels like home. It is really nice here though. Most people who grew up around here, even the ones who travelled/lived abroad/lived around the country, have come back now they are having children.

mumblechum1 · 25/09/2011 08:53

Interesting to read this thread; I'm very surprised at how many people have stayed local.

I guess it all boils down to where you came from, ie what was there to attract you, but also to where you end up.

I've moved around loads and now live in a small village near Marlow/Henley. Of all the the 30 to 40 people we see regularly in the village, not one came from here, some are from London but the majority are from all over the UK and a few from France, Denmark and Bulgaria.

I guess I just assumed that was normal, but clearly it isn't, but it's accounted for by the fact that it's just about commutable from London, so there will be people from all over the place.

feedthegoat · 25/09/2011 08:58

I have only ever lived within 20 miles of where I grew up anyway.

But we moved back to the very place I grew up when ds started school. My mum, dad, brother and sil are all within 5 minutes walk and the best friend I have known for 30 years is 25 minutes away. I like being so close even though we aren't in each others pockets constantly.

Toodamnnosy · 25/09/2011 08:59

Like many people in my town, we leave when we hit our late teens/early twenties, then by the time we've grown up and hit our thirties, we concede defeat, and admit our parents were right and that this is the best place to live.

A lot of people move here in later life as well.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 25/09/2011 09:10

I live about 100 miles away from where I grew up and can't see me going back, though I guess I might feel differently if I didn't have children.

Place I live now is split between people who have been here all their lives and are sending their children to the schools they went to and the rest are people who have moved here, generally from big cities. Plus we have a fair few people who retire here.

I know quite a few people who move down then their parents follow them l, which has happened with my Mum.

AnaisB · 25/09/2011 09:16

Don't move if it's mainly to prove you're not a failure!

I'm living in a city 30 mins from the town where I grew up. Like you I moved away - abroad, London and other cities. It's dead convenient being near my family because of DD, but when I've finished my course we may move.

pinkgirlythoughts · 25/09/2011 09:17

Yes. Moved away for uni, lived in Leeds for five years, then came back here.

Most of my primary school friends (and indeed most people in the town) have never left, most of my secondary school friends have gone and not come back. I think I'm unusual in leaving and then choosing to come back!

HairyGrotter · 25/09/2011 09:18

Nope, to flipping expensive and no where near anything good! I live in the city I spent years 11 to 23 in, I adore this city, we moved away, then I came back, so glad I did. Near enough to London, but not too near

Groovee · 25/09/2011 09:20

I'm in the same city as we live in but in a completely different suburb. I couldn't live where I brought up as I had a stalker who was a neighbour and I still can't pass without feeling uneasy. He's dead now but it doesn't make things easier.

mousesma · 25/09/2011 09:26

I live in the same London borough I was brought up in which is great because I'm near my mum, sister and old school friends. I've never felt the need to move because there are as many opportunities for work and socialising here as there would be anywhere else in the country.

I have lived in other London boroughs but where I am now has relatively low crime and very good schools so I'm happy to be here.

I sometimes think I should have travelled more because I feel a bit boring to have only lived in London but at the same time I have been very happy here.

Bunbaker · 25/09/2011 09:28

I grew up in Greater London and now live in rural South Yorkshire. It is nice to go back and visit family, but I wouldn't want to live there again. Houses are ridiculously expensive, competition to get children into decent schools is fierce, the traffic is horrendous, the crime rate is scary - it was one of the areas that suffered badly in the riots and it is simply too overcrowded.

I used to work in London and don't miss it at all.

FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 25/09/2011 09:31

After yrs of wishing away my life to the time when we could move back to my hometown, I have realised I have everything I could ask for here. I have decided to live in the moment and feel quite liberated. Why it has taken me so long I don't know, but I'm daft to put my life on hold for somthing that will happen, just not yet. And that's fine.

QuietTiger · 25/09/2011 09:48

My DH (and I) live in the house he was born in. (Well, he was born in the local hospital, but YKWIM). Our child, when he/she is born in April will be having their dads old bedroom.

Me OTOH, has never lived anywhere for more than 4 years, grew up and travelled all over the world, although I now live back in the town I was born in and where my family originally come from.

NestaFiesta · 25/09/2011 09:57

I came back to where I grew up to raise my children here. When I was a teenager it was too small a town and I wanted adventures etc etc. I have lived in lots of great and not so great places for many years and then came home.

What makes it easier is that this town has had loads of money spent on it so its now a great place to raise kids and the schools are good too.

Best decision I ever made. I know the grass isn't greener and I can relax now and enjoy bringing my kids up without itchy feet. DH loves it too.

morrisseysquornmince · 25/09/2011 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mishy1234 · 25/09/2011 11:13

Would love to, but there's no way we could afford it. Dad still lives there in the house I grew up in (and adored), so maybe I'm romanticising it a bit.

lettinggo · 25/09/2011 11:19

I live about 3 miles from where I grew up (Dublin), having been all over the place first but when buying a house, there's no place like home. I love where I grew up.

missymarmite · 25/09/2011 11:45

Me. I lived away, even abroad for some years. Then moved back with DS when marriage broke down. Most of my school friends moved away for uni and never returned because of the dire job situation. Most would love to be able to come back if they could.

Same thing. I feel torn. I don't really miss life elsewhere necessarily. It's a lovely place to bring up kids, safe, friendly, good sense of community. The only downside is the difficulty in meeting new people (read eligible single men) and finding a decent career that pays enough to not need help from the state.

Sometimes I think it would be great to move somewhere and start a proper career, and maybe meet new people (men). But then I remember I have roots here, friends, family, security, that a city life wouldn't offer.

iFailedTheTuringTest · 25/09/2011 11:55

Yes, travelled the world, lived all over the UK, then married and moved back to within a few 100 yds of the house I grew up in. I love it here, costal ne England, dh is from the midlands and can't get over how nice it is here.

verytellytubby · 25/09/2011 12:32

Born and bred in North London. Still living there. Couldn't imagine living anywhere else unless I moved abroad.

oldraver · 25/09/2011 12:37

Both myself and my B/F live miles away from our respective hometowns but almost all his large family still live on the same estate they grew up on. It seems lots of the people thy grew up with have done this as well, some of them buying houses on the same estate.

maras2 · 25/09/2011 12:38

Born and bred in a large West Midlands city.Further education in a nearby(ish) small town.Back to home city 4 years later to marry childhood sweetheart.Still here and still together 43 years on, 2 DC's 1DGS.Sounds a bit boring but it works for us.

ricepaper · 25/09/2011 14:10

I grew up in a central London borough and went away to study, then returned to live in London again. I'm glad I had that experience outside London, because my other family members who have always lived here have a very different understanding of the UK (I find most towns are less diverse and bland than life here).

DP is from another continent and has no family in the UK at all. I sometimes envy those who have gone to live in an entirely different country, but I've always needed the support of family as I had DC quite young. I don't think there should be any shame in wanting to be close to your parents/siblings. Most of my friends come from outside London and have had to wait until much later than I did to start their families, because they needed to be here for work but have also had to pay London nursery/house prices.

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