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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be shocked and sad - should I say something? What?

59 replies

throwawayforthisone · 24/09/2011 19:56

We line up outside DS's nursery every day. The kids get their names out of a fabric thing with pockets for each letter (A B C etc), so all the A names are in A etc. The letters are lowercase.

One of his classmates, who has an older sibling in DS2's class, was looking for her name which begins with D. She reached towards D and her mum said "no, that's b". Older brother said "no mum that is d", and mum said "no it's b". Older brother pulled out the name and mum clearly recognised it and said "it's in the wrong place, what was that doing in b".

Now, she can clearly read as she recognised the name when she saw it and if she was illiterate she wouldn't've been so sure she was right, I think, in thinking the letter was wrong. But if she's (my guess), severely dyslexic or similar and KNOWS about it then she equally wouldn't've corrected her children (she'd know she got letters mixed up sometimes?), and might have been taught letter order at least, so she knew d was the 4th letter of the alphabet?

(DH is dyslexic and was taught similar strategies).

I felt like I wanted to say something, especially as her children were confused. But what and how not to sound condescending?

I can't believe that someone could've gotten to her mid-30s not knowing she has an issue with letters. Her older child (DS2's classmate), also has a name which she pronounces very differently to how it's spelt - with an o sound and it's spelt with an a - and I'm wondering if there was a mistake made there too, like (not the real name obviously), she meant to call him Jon and he's down as Jan by accident.

NO idea what to do. Don't want to upset her. Don't want her to be missing out on help she might need.

OP posts:
Dirtydishesmakemesad · 25/09/2011 10:27

i wouldnt say anything at all it was probably just a silly mistake brought on by tiredness or just a momentary confusion. The name thing my uncle is called both jan and jon and the name is written as either dependng on who is writing it or who its written for. Half his family is english (jon) half is polish (jan) so this may just be a simple language differene.

bruffin · 25/09/2011 10:33

"Not being sarky, genuiney interested - is that not reading? Recognising the shapes of the letters, and more easily in context? Or is that opposing the phonics scheme? Genuinely don't know this stuff"

It's called funtional illiteracy, because basically they can recognise some words but don't have the building bricks to work out what a new word. The brain is limited to how many words it can recognise by sight.

Some children will learn to read like this and can manage to work out the phonics by themselves. my dd was like that, she didn't need to be taught to read. But in the 60s (and still used to some extent until today) there was a scheme called Look and Say which was based on word recognition. This was okay for some children (ie my dd) but for a significant many like my DH (and probably my DS) it was a disaster. DH didn't learn to read until he was 10 and had to go to a remedial tutor to be taught phonics. Both DH and DS have dyslexic type problems and still have problems recalling words for spelling etc DH still gets numbers muddled and DS did as well but he needed to put long numbers into a computer game and I think the practise helped a lot.

nickschick · 25/09/2011 10:37

A very good friend of mine is severely dyslexic (she is also super clever and her dc have very basic names so she can spell them,she cant spell them as such she sounds out the sounds iyswim).

If someone had seen her behave like this and mentioned it she would have been absolutely mortified and she would have hidden away.

Dont say anything.

My friend wont mind me telling you that when I had ds3 her card said 'to the woman i love' on it Grin what she really meant was to my best friend.

I dont like stuff like this post -
however well meaning.

HoneyPablo · 25/09/2011 10:44

I wouldn't say anything.
I agree with others that she may be dyslexic rather than illeterate. Or she may have had a hangover or not like being corrected by a 4 year old.

I am shocked at the nursery using lower case letter for names though. That's what you should be making a fuss about.

MardyArsedMidlander · 25/09/2011 11:55

I find it very difficult to read cursive letters- and used to mix up lower case b and d when I was a child.

However I am stupidly amused and shocked by the idea of going up to an almost complete stranger and telling them they got their child's name wrong!!!!!

PenguinsAreThePoint · 25/09/2011 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 25/09/2011 13:43

Was that me penguins ? I know I am looking a bit peaky at the moment but I didnt know I was that bad......

Grin
babynamesgrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 25/09/2011 16:20

Troisgarcns? really? How is the OP showing anything other than concern? You are very odd.

OP, I don't know what you can do it would be quite akward, maybe get your dh to say something as it will be coming form a more understanding place (to the other woman)

youarekidding · 25/09/2011 16:38

I think it's kind of you to worry. Sometimes there is learning difficulties that aren't picked up because no-one has bothered to look a little deeper because the person is 'coping'.

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