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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In wanting to take his shopping list and shove it up his arse?

73 replies

BumWiper · 24/09/2011 11:03

Its been a hectic few weeks here as we moved house.I've been getting things sorted slowly but surely.
DH just texted me that his parents and sister are coming over today for dinner and could I ring him with a shopping list of what I am going to cook for them.Now they are the most picky eaters ever and I would end up doing three meals.I am stressed,tired and narky and have already had a go at DH for inviting them over.I want to relax tonight not entertain them.
I'm going to tell DH that he can go to M&S and pick up some oven stuff and if they don't like it they can lump it.

OP posts:

Original poster

BumWiper · 24/09/2011 13:17

My house is spotless.DC now have a huge big playroom so there is a lot less clutter around.But MIL is the type of person who picks fault with everything.She said something very nasty to me when I was pregnant with DC3 and I have never really forgiven her for it so its clouded my view of her completly.DH just brushes it off as them being a bit old school.

OP posts:

strictlovingmum · 24/09/2011 13:24

Every DH will brush off "viper type comments" that come from theirs mothers.
She may make nasty comments, she may intentionally want's to wound you, it also maybe in her character to criticise everyone and everything, bit IMO on many levels she is probably very envious of you and what you have with you DH.
She probably very aware of the fact, that you in fact are brilliant in everything that you do, and oooooh so much better then her.
Insecurities are difficult to nurse, don't wast your time, but rise above it, and don't give her the satisfaction, have everything just so, and good luck.

PerAr6ua · 24/09/2011 13:33

what can you cook that is v classy but none of them will like? Something like poached fish and steamed veg with a bought dessert and good wine is easy to do, good for kids also - whether in or out of wedlock - and can be breezily justified as making sure DH eats properly as he's working such long hours you want to make sure he's looked after. Send him an icy glance as you say this. Invite the au pair to join you so you can get some decent conversation, and practise saying 'really' in a blank-faced overly-polite way whenever they say something to you.

yes, i am a bitch.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 24/09/2011 13:56

What was the nasty thing she said.

I was thinking they sounded old school as well, but also that your DH sounds it as well with his "I expect to see . . . " comment. How far has that apple fallen from the tree?

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 24/09/2011 13:58

Yes PerAr6ua I was thinking she should invite the AP to dinner as well

bibbitybobbityhat · 24/09/2011 14:03

If we are going to have visitors/people over for a meal, dh and I would agree this at least a week or two in advance. I can't understand why he expects you to just drop everything and do this; what if you wanted to do something else today? Its v disrespectful of him. And he expected to see red cabbage on the menu! - I mean, wt actual f?

Eglu · 24/09/2011 14:04

YANBU to your OP, even more YANBU after DHs comment on the red cabbage. Does he think you are his employee. If my DH ever spoke to me like that he would find I was out when he got back and would be entertaining his family alone.

mousymouse · 24/09/2011 14:12

I would just cook pasta and two types of sauce + pesto. 'make your own' style...

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 24/09/2011 17:56

I can't believe that some posters think it's okay for the OP's DH to act like a thoughtless, selfish, inconsiderate, disrespectful twat just because it's his family. As it's his family then he should be cooking.

As for the "I expect....." comment... tell him it's 2011 not the 1950s

I'd also tell him that I expect him to pull his parents up on any nasty comments made about me, not just be excusing them as old school.

Shutupanddrive · 24/09/2011 17:58

Shopping list
Beans
Bread (for toast)

Done

Shutupanddrive · 24/09/2011 17:59

Sorry forgot wine for you too

bringbacksideburns · 24/09/2011 18:05

I'd be inclined to shove a lot of takeaway menus infront of them all and jokingly (with unsmiling eyes) say something like "I thought this might be the best bet so everyone likes what they get, as you all don't eat the same things and i'm not makimg three seperate meals. I'd be in the kitchen for hours and not 'enjoy' your company'. OK?"

motherinferior · 24/09/2011 18:06

Go out and have a nice meal with the AP. You can lurch back together tiddly at 10pm and say a gladsome hello to them all.

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 24/09/2011 18:12

Text him back iwith "as you are such a f*ing expert on what your family like, i'll leave the catering to you"

Then sit on your arse all night

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 24/09/2011 18:13

hmmmm....no sure its possble to put Italics in text, maybe go with the dreaded capital letters

GeorgeEliot · 24/09/2011 20:24

Shocked at the vitriol.

It is family round for dinner, not a 12-person dinner party.

Annoying about the short notice, but no point getting in a strop about it. Reacting with grace and good humour is always a better tactic in the long run - why give them more ammunition against you? Show them you can rise above it. And make it clear to dh that you are being a SAINT and expect something good in return.

strictlovingmum · 24/09/2011 20:51

Agree with you GeorgeEliot, rise above it, make an effort, be graceful let them see your beautiful new home and your lovely family in it, perfect hostess, no storminess in sight.
Easiest thing is to end up in the strop, have argument with your DH, feel miserable trough out the evening, and give MIL right to feel or even say "I knew she is no good so and so"
Diplomacy is the key, only diplomatically you can prevail.

Inertia · 24/09/2011 22:49

Well, I guess they are there now but your husband sounds pretty damn rude. I wouldn't have been texting at all, I'd have been calling him with a view to asking what the hell he thought he was doing sending me orders like that.

And then I'd be making whatever meal I was making anyway, and if we didn't have enough of that it'd be chips from the chip shop.

NambaJam · 25/09/2011 13:46

Hope dinner went ok. Did you do the takaway thing? And did the shopping list give him a nasty paper cut when it went up his bum?

It was a unreasonable to expect you to cater for a load of unexpected fussy guests at short notice.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 26/09/2011 12:24

GeorgeEliot Shocked at the vitriol.It is family round for dinner, not a 12-person dinner party.

The issue was though that his family are incredibly fussy and will look down their noses at whatever the OP does and criticise her. I wouldn't want to have that sprung on me either.

MissTapestry · 26/09/2011 18:14

Ahem, leave the bastard

MissTapestry · 26/09/2011 18:14

And scrunch, definitely more painful.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 26/09/2011 19:04

FFS. If he cares about what they get fed, he can cater for them. End of.

And scrunch.

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