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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to cook dinner when he comes home from work?

85 replies

LoveMyGirls · 23/09/2011 19:24

I'll try to make this brief.

Dh work full time leaving the house at 8.15am and takes dd1 to school on the way he returns home at 5.50pm. He is very capable of doing all house related stuff but cooking is not his strong point, he panics a bit and can really only do one plate of food at a time.

I work full time doing 50hours per week as a childminder, I'm also starting to set up as an artist too so I can hopefully make a living out of it when my dd's are at secondary school/ college, I'm also doing my NVQ 3 in childcare so if the art doesn't pan out I have a qualification to fall back on.

I cook dinner for 5/6 dc's for 5pm, all children are collected by 6pm. This is when I start round 2 of cooking dinner for DH & I. Sometimes I can make enough to put it by for us to eat when everyone has gone but sometimes this isn't possible.

So AIBU to ask DH to cook on the days I haven't managed to put something to one side?

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 23/09/2011 20:27

moondog That's what I do - my work menu is basically our home menu. I don't have any children here at teatime other than DD, but we all eat what I've put on the childminding menu.

Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 23/09/2011 20:32

Thanks Laquitar & Squitten I will buy the book for him for christmas.

Btw MD the list of foods that one or another wont eat is:

pizza
pasta
spinach
cous cous
fish (apart for fishfingers/ cod)
stir fry
curry
pork
mushrooms

I think there are more. sigh.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 23/09/2011 20:33

Some people really hate cooking and will never be much cop at it. Those people should do their share by being the ones to whang the ready meals into the oven/microwave from time to time. There are now some really perfectly acceptable and cheap ready meals available. (Sainsburys Basics cottage pie, lasagne, fish pie etc all nice and not that unhealthy).

moondog · 23/09/2011 20:34

V sesnible FDliss.
I don't understand peopel who run about cooking up different things for different people then moan about being tired.
Like it or lump it.

Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 23/09/2011 20:35

Eighties his cooking is amazing, he really is good at it the problem is that he can only cook 1 plate at a time, then he starts the whole process all over again.

He does things on toast, once he made me burger, chips and beans and it was the nicest I've ever had.

Lostin - I do that too in the freezer I do have a spag bol and a shep pie for next week, I always do that it's just I'm struggling for ideas of things that are cheap, quick/ easy, everyone will eat and then we can either reheat or keep warm for later.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 23/09/2011 20:36

Oh the dc's won't eat stew either and I find it labour intensive with peeling chopping and then I don't enjoy it either.

OP posts:
CrackerFactory · 23/09/2011 20:38

I still think it is important your dh learns to cook family meals. Life is uncertain and, if god forbid, something should happen your dh would be under enough stress without having to learn to cook suddenly on top. In the same way I need to learn to do all the diy jobs I keep asking dh to do because he is a whizz at that.

spacester · 23/09/2011 20:44

I work - long hours plus a long commute. My wife is a SAHM. I happily cook when I get home, if it's early enough for the kids (or late enough to mean it's just the two of us). YANBU.

Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 23/09/2011 20:48

I just spoke to DH, he said he does other stuff so the distribution is fair in his opinion. He does do all the ironing/ garden/ computer & car related stuff and he does help with stuff apart from cooking when I ask him, he recently built me a website and is very supportive. He does also tend to do egg on toast for us all on a saturday morning. It takes about 2 hours because he does one plate at a time but he does do it.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 23/09/2011 20:51

that sounds like an awful lot of picky and fussy eaters.... Confused

noblegiraffe · 23/09/2011 20:53

I work part time but don't like cooking so my DH does it. On the odd occasions that he is going to be late home from work so I need to step in, I have batch cooked spag bol or chilli in the freezer and just need to do rice or spaghetti, or otherwise it's some sort of Birds Eye frozen chicken thing I can chuck in the oven with chips. We also have those steam fresh frozen veg things in the freezer that just go in the microwave. I make sure the freezer is always stocked with something so I'll never be called on to do any actual cooking at the last minute.

lostinafrica · 23/09/2011 20:54

Another suggestion for me - if it's generally fine as your responsibility but sometimes just seems too much, then can you just ask for some help on those days so that you're doing it together? He sounds reasonable, he'd be happy to help, wouldn't he? It's often nicer doing things together, anyway.

noblegiraffe · 23/09/2011 20:56

Can second the recommendation for Jamie's Ministry of Food. I hate cooking, but can actually stir myself to attempt some of his recipes. But only when I'm in the mood.

troisgarcons · 23/09/2011 21:00

He does do all the ironing/ garden/ computer & car related stuff and he does help with stuff apart from cooking when I ask him, he recently built me a website and is very supportive

so you have the fair balance in your life really?

FabbyChic · 23/09/2011 21:03

Whats wrong with Lasangna? You can cook that from frozen? Even fresh it doesn't take long.

dreamingbohemian · 23/09/2011 21:04

But garden/computer/car stuff isn't every day right?

Cooking for mindees and family is relentless, sometimes you just want a break. I think it's a bit mean of him to refuse to help out because he's not comfortable in the kitchen.

The one plate at a time thing is seriously odd, what's up with that?

Whatmeworry · 23/09/2011 21:47

^Btw MD the list of foods that one or another wont eat is:

pizza
pasta
spinach
cous cous
fish (apart for fishfingers/ cod)
stir fry
curry^

Good lord - apart from the spinach that could be the weekly menu Chez Nous :o

It must be tough finding enough other things!

EightiesChick · 23/09/2011 21:54

I don't get the one plate at a time thing if he can actually cook. So with the burger, chips and beans, would he cook one burger, one batch of chips and one portion of beans, serve it up then stick another burger on the grill, more chips in the pan/oven etc? Have you asked him why he does it that way, and if so what does he say? I can't see how it would be any harder to do twice as much of all the above items. It's not like frying eggs or something where you can't really do multiples easily at the same time (at least I can't).

Bogeyface · 23/09/2011 23:22

moondog Fri 23-Sep-11 20:14:24

Just bloody well cook somewthing that everyone will eat.
FGS, how hard can it be

iscream · 24/09/2011 00:03

I do not accept it when someone says they cannot cook. (or in your dh's case, make one plate at a time). If a person can read a recipe, they can cook.
Can he not shake and bake chicken? Stick some potatoes in the oven, zap some frozen veggies? Teach him a few basics if need be. He can do it!

iscream · 24/09/2011 00:04

PS There are tons of cooking tutorials on youtube, perhaps if he watches some it will seem clearer to him...like if he doesn't know how to chop properly, or whisk and so on?

Bogeyface · 24/09/2011 00:14

i should add that my H was in the "Cant cook so wont cook" category for years. His job (stupid stupid hours) meant that cooking wasnt really an option when he lived alone and I love cooking so when we got together i did it all and was happy to.

However, when I was Pg and we knew I would get ill(er) he came to me and asked me to teach him some simple meals to cook so he could do that when I couldnt. And he learned. Ok so he does still shout through for me to check things for him, but atleast he is trying and I appreciate that. The first meal he cooked he was happy to eat but was worried that I wouldnt like it and kept checking it was ok! I said that yes it was, and it gave him the confidence to keep going.

Anyone can cook a simple meal such as spag bol or sausage and mash, its just a question of applying themselves. And I wouldnt have said that before I saw H learn, if he can do it then anyone can!

Morloth · 24/09/2011 00:29

YANBU, you are both done with work at about the same time, so it should be 50/50 from then.

solidgoldbrass · 24/09/2011 00:46

'One plate at a time' sounds like passive-aggressive pissing about to me. If he really really hates cooking (but does his fair share WRT everything else) then why not designate a couple of nights a week as either ready meals all round or takeaway nights - but those nights he is responsible for ordering the takeaway or microwaving the meals?

rookiemater · 24/09/2011 09:17

I was just about to say what sgb said about the designated nights. I don't mind doing the cooking and our arrangements are such that it makes more sense for me to do it, but it is a bit of a relentless ongoing task ( and as such not generally attractive to the male species)

DH usually cooks on a Sunday, no excuse then about being in from work etc, but tbh its the making sure you have ingrediants that suit for each meal that is the faff not the actual prep and it makes no sense for one person to buy for six days and then the other for the seventh.

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