to have sent DS (8) to bed with no dinner?

[wannaBe]

DH suggested we should go out to eat tonight. As we went out the door DS asked where we were going and dh made a suggestion but it wasn't set in stone. DS said he wanted to go to a different restaurant (which we've been to before) and we said no, we've been there already, we're new to the area, nice to go somewhere else for a change.

Ds then storms off down the road, no looking back, sulky posture etc. At the road we stop and he is virtually in tears so dh asks what's wrong (we knew what the answer would be.) Ds then bursts into teas and says that he didn't want to go elsewhere, he wanted to go to x restaurant. We said no and he persisted. So I turned around and we went home. He cried all the way down the road (he is eight fgs not a toddler). There was no reasoning with him - he was having none of it.

So I have sent him to bed with the explanation that if he'd had an actual discussion rather than having a strop because he didn't get his own way, then we would have been having dinner somewhere now.

I don't use food as a punishment - by his attitude he has IMO made the choice for himself to go without dinner.

happy Asking his opinion isn't the same as letting him chose. If you ask someone's opinion on something do you do exactly as they say?!

Food as a punishment

Yes I know that Whose. I thought the OP was very dismissive of her DS's opinion, which in my mind made me wonder why she'd asked. Clearly I don't think just because you ask someone's opinion it means you have to do what they say.

The OP said no because they wanted to go somewhere else - so really, what point was there in asking his opinion?

I'm glad things have calmed down. It's very dangerous to start using food as a behavioural tool, and as a punishment (which is what you did).

Unhealthy attitudes towards food are a terrible thing, you don't want to do anything to encourage poor eating habits.

I don't get the impression that OP did ask her son's opinion. He asked where they were going, DH suggested somewhere, DS made another suggestion.

If she'd said "DS, you can choose where we go," and then ignored his choice, it would have been different.

Anyway, no harm done. Tired, obnoxious kid has said sorry and is still getting a treat. Hope he's on better form in the morning.

Must be one of those nights, one of mine had a meltdown and threw her home-made burger across the table (it landed on a book). Much crying. I just carried on eating my own food and ignored her, eventually she said sorry (and ate the cold burger which in all honesty was punishment enough).

We don't normally have this, must be the new school term as someone else said...

pizza eaten and enjoyed - he's in bed now.

And off to football in the morning with dh.

I am not a mean mummy honest.

You say you are new to the area...

I just wonder if there is more to this for your DS. How did he feel about moving to a new area?

Perhaps he overreacted when his choice of restaurant was over-ridden as deep down he feels upset about the move and has difficulty expressing this or believing that he will be understood and listened to?

And perhaps he wanted to go to the same place to eat again as he has a very real need at the moment for some stability and security as he adjusts to the change in his life [the move]?

To move house is a very big thing in an 8 year old's life.

Perhaps he feels he had no choice or say in that and is now kicking out against feeling controlled or dismissed...

Just a thought.

Give him a big hug and let him know you overreacted, YWBU imo.