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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have sent DS (8) to bed with no dinner?

58 replies

wannaBe · 23/09/2011 19:07

DH suggested we should go out to eat tonight. As we went out the door DS asked where we were going and dh made a suggestion but it wasn't set in stone. DS said he wanted to go to a different restaurant (which we've been to before) and we said no, we've been there already, we're new to the area, nice to go somewhere else for a change.

Ds then storms off down the road, no looking back, sulky posture etc. At the road we stop and he is virtually in tears so dh asks what's wrong (we knew what the answer would be.) Ds then bursts into teas and says that he didn't want to go elsewhere, he wanted to go to x restaurant. We said no and he persisted. So I turned around and we went home. He cried all the way down the road (he is eight fgs not a toddler). There was no reasoning with him - he was having none of it.

So I have sent him to bed with the explanation that if he'd had an actual discussion rather than having a strop because he didn't get his own way, then we would have been having dinner somewhere now.

I don't use food as a punishment - by his attitude he has IMO made the choice for himself to go without dinner.

OP posts:
2old2care · 23/09/2011 19:25

YABU.You sound horrid.

Sirzy · 23/09/2011 19:26

Not feeding a child as a punishment is cruel IMO.

featherbag · 23/09/2011 19:27

Missing one meal won't kill him, YANBU!

Nanny0gg · 23/09/2011 19:28

Why tell him that the venue wasn't set in stone when you weren't going to consider his choice? That's probably what set him off.
So maybe the evening wasn't his idea of a treat.
And you are VU to withold his supper.

naturalbaby · 23/09/2011 19:28

please feed your child.

if your child is tired (long week at school?), hungry and confused (did you give him enough warning about what's going on so there was enough time to discuss?) then i would expect a tantrum. i would under those circumstances!

Oakmaiden · 23/09/2011 19:29

I do think posters ALWAYS overreact to this a bit, OP. Making a child miss a meal is a definite MN no-no.

The OP is almost certainly neither horrid nor cruel. Just pushed to her limit, and acting a bit unreasonably. Which happens to us all sometimes.

The trick is to be able to accept that you are wrong and to do something to set it right....

belledechocchipcookie · 23/09/2011 19:29

To be blunt, you asked him where he wanted to go and you ignored what he suggested. I'd be pretty upset. An 8 year old is going to cry, he doesn't feel listened to. Not only this, but you also send him to bed without supper because he's crying? I think that you need to feed him, call for a take out if you have no food, then apologise because it's terrible behaviour from a parent.

Original poster
wannaBe · 23/09/2011 19:31

amber yes he would have had a hand in the decision - we said no to the one he wanted purely because we'd already been there twice and as we're new to the area wanted to go somewhere else. Had he not acted like a spoiled brat and cried and stamped his feet then we could have walked into town and chosen somewhere to eat that suited all of us.

I have now gone up there and had a talk with him and told him to think about just why it is we were cross, and that when he is rady to apologise he can come down and do so and we will see what we can do about dinner.

OP posts:
FrauLindor · 23/09/2011 19:31

Judging by the fact that she hasn't posted in 15 mins, she is probably speaking to her DS so don't all get too flame-y.

I don't think Wannabe is cruel or horrid, but perhaps fed up if her 8yo son has tantrums like this.

I don't think that it is very unusual, Wannabe, even at that age. My 7yo still does this sometimes.

FrauLindor · 23/09/2011 19:32

XP Wannabe

Good that you chatted with him. I find that DS needs some time alone to think when he gets in a state.

40notTrendy · 23/09/2011 19:33

You've taken it too far. I understand your frustration, you wanted a family meal, bit if a treat. But it's not long into the school term, he was probably knackered. Tantrums are normal and you've not dealt with it well. Fine, go home, withdraw the meal out treat but to withdraw food? Too much.

pastawine · 23/09/2011 19:33

yabu. he is 8. you let him think he was in for a treat then snatched it away - of course he threw a strop.

give him some cereal or some toast. when did he last eat?
this punishment is draconian and unreasonable. you asked in AIBU. You are.

Original poster
wannaBe · 23/09/2011 19:34

belledechocchipcookie we didn't expressly ask where he wanted to go. I asked did he want to go out - he said yes. He asked where we were going and I said I didn't know, but somewhere different to last time.

OP posts:
Romilly70 · 23/09/2011 19:34

OP, you said dh made a suggestion but it wasn't set in stone re: the restaurant, but then you dismissed your son's request.

Also we're new to the area so it seems understandable that your DS would like to go somewhere familiar as he has had change recently. (presume new house & new school).

anyway, YABU not feeding him. Presume you & your DH are eating something. call DS down, see if he has calmed down and just have nice meal together.

flippinada · 23/09/2011 19:36

Sounds like you have it sorted OP. That sounds reasonable.

I do sympathise, I have a DS (nearly 7) who is capable of throwing horrendous tantrums and they can drive you to absolute distraction.

cricketballs · 23/09/2011 19:39

we have done that ourselves op - ds spat his dummy out that we were going to a restaurant that we had never been before and he wanted to go somewhere else - we turned the car around, went home and had cheese on toast! He has never argued again Grin

I honestly believe that we taught him a valuable lesson - he does not rule the roost.....

MunchkinsMumof2 · 23/09/2011 19:40

poor lad, not a good idea to withold food as a punishment imo. I understand the not giving in to temper tantrums but not having any dinner is a separate and unwise issue.

oranges · 23/09/2011 19:40

Virtually every small boy I know is having a meltdown this week due to being back at school. They all seem exhausted with the return to school. Maybe going out on Friday night was just too ambitious?

happygilmore · 23/09/2011 19:41

Don't know why you asked his opinion?

pastawine · 23/09/2011 19:41

thats fair enough cricketballs - but the OP has sent her lad to bed with nothing, which is a bit OTT!

i agree with learning consequences but surely losing out on the treat of eating out is punishment enough without going hungry to boot?

Original poster
wannaBe · 23/09/2011 19:41

he has just come down and apologised.

We are having pizza.

You can call off the lynch mob now. Grin

OP posts:
happygilmore · 23/09/2011 19:42

if you weren't interested in it I mean.

happygilmore · 23/09/2011 19:43

xposts. Glad all is resolved.

FabbyChic · 23/09/2011 19:43

You have used food as a punishment.

He has had no dinner because he did not want to go to X restuarant, rather than reason with him like an adult, you have become the childish one and sent him to bed with no dinner. Shame on you.

Greensleeves · 23/09/2011 19:43

Oh that is nice to hear

Hope you enjoy the pizza and he is less obnoxious tomorrow :)