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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off about this

74 replies

carryonregardless · 23/09/2011 11:09

I am a regular but I have namechanged for this in case it outs me in RL

Me and DH have been invited to a wedding tomorrow but without the DC. This is fine with me, we only had family children at our wedding and we will be able to relax a bit more.

I have a DS from a previous relationship and DH also has a DS from a previous relationship. We have DD together. We have known about this wedding for quite a while and I contacted my XP regarding having DS which was fine. I have a very good relationship with my XP however DH doesn?t with his. My BF was supposed to be looking after DD but she can?t now as she is working however my DM has said that she is happy to. This weekend is DH?s weekend with his DS (he has him every other weekend and Wednesday overnight) and I have been telling him for some time to ask his XP whether she will swap weekends. He didn?t do this until Thursday morning!! And she said that she would have her DS this weekend however wouldn?t swap weekends. Two weeks ago when it was DH?s weekend my MIL had him as we were moving house so he hasn?t really spent much time with him for a few weeks.

The upshot of this is that DH plans to go to the wedding and I will stay at home and look after DSS and DD (they are his friends more than mine). AIBU to be really pissed off about this. I have managed to sort childcare out for both DS and DD and he left it very last minute to sort out childcare for his DS.

I am already feeling quite delicate today as last night my BF told me that my XP who I was with for some time is taking her out for dinner and drinks next week.

Coupled with the fact that a former partner of DH will be at the wedding tomorrow and has been posting on facebook that she has had her hair done, spray tan, nails, new dress etc for the occasion.

So AIBU?

OP posts:

pamelat · 23/09/2011 13:11

WHy when its his child and his mistake is it you that doesnt get to go??!

Original poster

carryonregardless · 23/09/2011 13:11

KateMiddleton he has him on a Wednesday overnight however he only has a couple of hours with him then really as it's basically home from school, he takes him swimming, tea and bed then he takes him to school in the morning. Unfortunately the weekend we were moving was unavoidable but he had a lovely weekend anyway as my MIL took him to Edinburgh for the weekend.

OP posts:

Inertia · 23/09/2011 13:11

Ah, cross-post.

Your DH can be as arsey as he likes- you are still the one in the right.

KatieMiddleton · 23/09/2011 13:14

Well as long as he's getting to spend time with his dad and he's happy that's the main thing.

YANBU to be annoyed with your dh

elesbells · 23/09/2011 13:14

let him be arsey....while you get your new dress ready, do your hair, spray tan and paint your nails......

ChasingSquirrels · 23/09/2011 13:14

he is arsey?
About arranging the same amount of time with his son AND getting to have some time away with you (assuming that he ex will agree to those arrangements for their son).
He is being a fuckwit, he didn't sort his arrangements, and he was being unfair expecting you to step in and forego your attendance at the wedding.
Hopefully he has realised this and is just arsey at himself (but you are bearing the brunt of it) and will get over himself and you will have a lovely day tomorrow.

diddl · 23/09/2011 13:21

"he will ring his ex and arrange to pick DSS up tonight, take him back tomorrow morning, pick him back up on Sunday morning and take him back Sunday evening"

Well that´s what I suggested (more or less)

Won´t his ex accept it?

ENormaSnob · 23/09/2011 13:30

Yanbu, he is.

Not a prayer would I stay home due to his fuck up.

Original poster

carryonregardless · 23/09/2011 13:32

diddl I have no idea yet I think it will depend on what she's had for breakfast this morning

OP posts:

Original poster

carryonregardless · 23/09/2011 13:43

I'm glad the majority don't seem to think IABU

OP posts:

diddl · 23/09/2011 13:44

Well, let´s hope she´ll go for it.

Am wondering if she might say that all the "toing & froing"-would be better if he does the weekend at one place or the other.

Or that your husband just has him Sunday rather than a few hrs tonight as well.

Original poster

carryonregardless · 23/09/2011 13:47

I think it makes more sense fr DH to just have him on Sunday however if I say so then I will probably get a flaming from him

OP posts:

diddl · 23/09/2011 13:51

Well it seems that way to me tbh.

Especially if your husband is still thinking of going out tonight-plus what time to you have to be up & out tomorrow?

Original poster

carryonregardless · 23/09/2011 13:53

The wedding isn't until one but they are having a free bus to the church which will pick us up from DH's friend's house at 12. We have to get ready and get to his house so he would have to drop DSS off at about half 9

OP posts:

whackamole · 23/09/2011 13:53

YANBU to be upset, but I don't have a solution for you.

My OH is a bit like this - whenever we have something that requires his XW having DSS on her weekend, he leaves it till the last minute to ask her about it. Drives me bloody insane!

diddl · 23/09/2011 13:57

I do get why your husband would want to see his son tonight & tomorrow morning, so if he son would be OK with the backwards & forwards then perhaps he should?

Original poster

carryonregardless · 23/09/2011 14:02

whackamole he does it every time! I told him he shouldn't have left it so late and he said hindsight is a wonderful thing. Yes it is but learn from your mistakes and be more organised! This is probably why he loses his keys every day as 'with hindsight' he should have put them in his pocket!

diddl yes I understand too I'm just stressed about it all now (doesn't take much!)

OP posts:

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 23/09/2011 15:19

YANBU Tell him to stop getting arsey as well. It's his incompetence that has caused this.

Inertia · 23/09/2011 16:27

Hang on - did you say you are looking after your DSS tonight while your DH goes out drinking with friends? Sorry to be harsh, but for someone so desperate to see his son he is doing a good job of going out and not seeing much of his son.

Original poster

carryonregardless · 23/09/2011 16:53

Inertia DSS will probably be in bed when he goes or at least won't be in bed much after

OP posts:

PrincessTamTam · 23/09/2011 17:09

YANBU about the wedding. He should speak to his x re Sunday and if not then just not see his DS for 2 weeks - entirely his fault.
Re your friend and your x - let it go, she is prob in the wrong but is it worth falling out with her over?

PopcornMouse · 23/09/2011 17:18

carryonregardless, if DH is always this disorganised, then bailing him out every time by staying home and babysitting isn't going to help encourage him to improve :o (just sayin!)

And no, YADNBU! I'd have thrown a hissyfit and said "well none of us will go then" :o

zest01 · 23/09/2011 18:00

I've not read the whole thread so forgive me if this has been covered but my question is, why could your DSS not go to the same person who was having your DD? I find it a bit odd that you each organise your own childcare for your own children when you are a family unit.

As a blended family ourselves I get the idea of you asking your ex and him asking his, but when that is not an option then surely you could look at a joint option. Why could you not have organised someone to look after both DD AND DSS together?

My friends and family would be happy to mind whichever of my children needed minding as would my DH's, even if they aren't the "biological" relative and I would be pretty annoyed if that wasn't the case tbh.

JockTamsonsBairns · 23/09/2011 18:21

YANBU to be pissed off with him at all, I would be - and I sure wouldn't be staying home to cover for his incompetence.

However, what about what the wee boy himself wants? He might be all geared up to see his daddy this weekend, only to be let down. And, after not seeing him on the last access weekend due to the house move - this is painting a bit of a picture of a wee boy who's easily cast aside for other arrangements. I hope I'm wrong, I just feel a bit sorry for the wee soul.

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