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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to take my DC to my nephew's party or buy him gifts

41 replies

HidingInTheBathroom · 22/09/2011 21:33

For the past 3 years my BI and his partner has put on big parties for their son my nephew. He is a lovely boy. My problem is they have not once bought a card or a present or even sent a text wishing any of my children a happy birthday. I have invited them to my children's parties but each time they always say they have something on on each of my children's birthday.

I have always brushed it to one side and have always got him presents and cards as he is my only nephew and I think it is not his fault his parents are thoughtless.

But I have got to the point that this year I should do the same to them. It is not as if I wanting gifts but even a text message saying tell them happy birthday would be enough for me. So it is his birthday in 2 weeks and the invite has come for my nephews party. I have nothing planned for the day but AIBU to say they are not attending and don't even bother sending a gift and a card. Or should I bight my tongue and take my kids to the party and get him a present.

OP posts:

eaglewings · 22/09/2011 21:36

Let your kids decide if they want to go and if they do don't spend much on the present

KittyWalker · 22/09/2011 21:37

I think I would go but be making comment to my brother about how important it is to get together as a family as times like this, or I make even ask him outright if he was thinking of breaking the habit of a lifetime and coming to your dc's birthday celebrations.

willybreeder · 22/09/2011 21:38

I agree with eaglewings. Your kids would probably enjoy the party right? So take them and an inexpensive, daft and possibly annoying toy for your nephew

WineGoodChildrenBad · 22/09/2011 21:39

I can see why you'd be tempted. But really it would be your kids and nephew missing out too which seems unfair. Could you train encourage one of your kids to ask their Aunty and Uncle why they never give presents or go to their parties??

willybreeder · 22/09/2011 21:39

I agree with eaglewings. Your kids would probably enjoy the party right? So take them and an inexpensive, daft and possibly annoying toy for your nephew

babynamesgrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 22/09/2011 21:39

i wouldn't punish the kid if you like him.

Woudlnt buy anything for the parents though at xmas or bdays

SoupDragon · 22/09/2011 21:39

Seems rather childish and petty. Why not simply ask your brother why he has never participated in your children's birthdays?

Original poster

HidingInTheBathroom · 22/09/2011 21:40

It's my brother inlaw. My DH is not that close to him but our kids play together at my MIL. This year for the first time they did not even get a christmas gift for my DC or a chistmas card. I no times are hard but surely they could of wrote them a card.

OP posts:

AuntiePickleBottom · 22/09/2011 21:40

it will be your nephew that is disappointed, not the parents

WineGoodChildrenBad · 22/09/2011 21:41

yy to an annoying toy - something most parents would hate. Something noisy.

Fairyloo · 22/09/2011 21:41

Life is too short to bear grudges particularly with family.

I'm sure they genuinely can't make your kids party's?

Similar with my dd birthday is last week of holidays and people are booked up but I would t not go to my nephews if I could make it??

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 22/09/2011 21:42

Agree - go, if only for the party, but definitely don't go overboard with the present. In fact, I'd be tempted not to take a present at all, and say that "since we're no longer doing presents I made a donation to a charity on your behalf" - but then I am a wicked woman.

SoupDragon · 22/09/2011 21:42

So ask your brother in law or sister in law!

Original poster

HidingInTheBathroom · 22/09/2011 21:44

I like that Maisiethemorningsidecat

My DH has said every year don;t bother getting him a present as they never get ours. I always said but it is not right to blame the chid. But this year I was kind of coming round to my DH thinking.

Hoping your comments sway me but I still feel rather pissed at my brother inlaw and partner.

OP posts:

Ingles2 · 22/09/2011 21:49

well you could either ask them outright... as in ... we'd love to come to DN's party, and we wondered what you'd like to do about a present this year?
or
Go, and just take a card.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 22/09/2011 21:52

I don't blame you for feeling pissed off Hiding. We have family members too who seem to think that roads only go one way, and whilst I can put up with a certain amount of disinterest in my family I'll only go so far.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 22/09/2011 21:53

Oh you've got huge sympathy from me! Dh's brother and his wife always make some daft excuse as to why they can't come to our family gatherings including birthday parties. Actually its not just us, it's the rest of the family's invitations too that they turn down. They always seem to give priority to other things which leaves us all feeling very rejected(either that or they arenjust lying and don't want to come. Either way it's very hurtful) Strangely though, they haven this farcical situation going where they send out cards and presents for us all at Xmas time and birthdays via mil. Yet They live only about 10 miles away and none of the other children on Dh's side of the family know who he is, or his wife and kids. We only ever see them at weddings and funerals!

I would take your kids to the party with a very small present. At least you are getting invited!

Grumpla · 22/09/2011 21:54

Go to the party, and buy your nephew a drum kit

cerealqueen · 22/09/2011 22:00

Its a party, your Dc will have fun, be the bigger person and buy a gift.

Little boys love Ant Farms, a great indoor project their parents will love. ) Drop some heavy hints for your Dc this year, or even give them some Argos catalogue numbers (my brother did this for years).

stealthsquiggle · 22/09/2011 22:01

very tempting, but as you say - his parents are not his fault. Maybe if he's old enough now you should market your DC's parties directly to your nephew and get him to pester his parents into coming?

FantasticDay · 22/09/2011 22:05

Moonsand! Buy him Moonsand!

Original poster

HidingInTheBathroom · 22/09/2011 22:09

Moonsand. Yes hate the stuff.

I know I have said I wornt go but I think I probably will as guilt will set in.

OP posts:

EightiesChick · 22/09/2011 22:14

I vote for going, taking very cheap present (preferably something your nephew will love but the parents will hate) and getting your DC to eat huge amounts while they're there to get your money's worth. Oh and I would say cheerfully but straight out to the parents 'I got DN one last present, but I assume we're not doing that anymore? Same with Christmas?'

YellowDave · 22/09/2011 22:39

There was a similar thread recently where someone was very ungrateful about presents I think and the op was deciding what to do. Can't remember who I am quoting but someone on there posted something similar to this and it made me laugh out loud.

If they have wooden floors buy tap shoes. If they have carpet buy a 3kg tub of gllitter. Or 5 bottles of food colouring and a super soaker

Also liking the idea of moonsand. My boys LOVE this so I am sure your nephew will. It makes my teeth itch but I put up with it because they love it and we have wooden floors. So DEF a good option if they have carpet!!!

If they hate outdoorsy stuff get this, if they hate crafts / mess get paint and glitteretc etc.

Seriously you can have some fun with this, make your nephew happy AND piss off bil - win win

blackeyedsusan · 22/09/2011 22:52

I believe tescos do a toy recorder for £2, asda something similar.

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