to expect 'D'P to offer me a lift?

[AtYourCervix]

Going out to mates wedding.
Public transport is shite and expensive. I could get a bus home at either 9.15 or 11. it would take over an hour to do a 20 minute journey and cost best part of £10.

bus station is in a shite area of town. I would be alone.

'D'H helpfully pointed out that at least I could get a return ticket to which I may have raised my voice a touch and pointed out that I thought it a bit mean of him to not even offer to give me a lift there - let alone home again.

I have frequently offered to pick up a drunken 'D'H to save on untrustworthy buses or expensive taxis.

I am inscensed that he hasn't even offered to come and pick me up. I am flabbergasted that he hasn't offered to drop me off.

AIU to expect the offer of a lift? or is he U to not?

*I would be probably done the same op.

and i have nothing suitable to wear.

If you want him to given you a lift, ask him. If he says no without a good reason then he's a selfish twat. If he says yes then you get what you want. Expecting him to be able to read your mind and realise how big a deal this is for you is pointless.

All this "I shouldn't have to ask him so I'll cut my nose off to spite my face and take the car" is playing the martyr and, frankly, childish. You're a grown-up, he's a grown-up. Have a grown-up conversation about it rather than sulking.

Now THAT is just a sulk too far!

Totally unreasonable - but you seem to be enjoying your strop, so don't stop now

( As I am an able bodied adult in full posession of my faculties and independence I would never presume that someone else would ferry me around. I would be really grateful if he offered, and if I wanted him to pick me up I would ask in advance - as in 'it'll be late, any chance that you could come and pick me up, please?')

Just ask him.
Jesus women are passive aggressive and thick

Just ask him.
Jesus women are passive aggressive and thick

this ^

you didnt say in your OP you could drive. Drive yourself you dippy mare!

right. outfit chosen - WhereYouLeftIt - you were right, sitting in the wardrobe.

I will be driving myself in a slightly martyred manner.

I am deeply pissed off and still think the nice, well mannered and thoughtful thing to do would to have offered without sulking prompting but he didn't and I have made it clear that I Am Not Happy. he is a git and this is going to need deep grovelling and probably diamonds to make it up.

And maybe I am just superior and more empathetic and in tune with other people as I would have offered without sulking having to be asked.

He's also going to have a nice night in front of the tv with a few beers

So-you´re going out & can´t drink & he´s sitting in & can/will-where´s the point in that?

Unless no drinking at all doesn´t bother you.

So:

• you expect your DP to offer to pick you up,
• you tell him that it's what you expected,
• he then offers to pick you up,
• you sulk and drive.

Yes, I can see that it makes perfect sense.

that's about it in a nutshell.

but you forgot the grovelling apology and diamonds.

I've got an idea for your wedding outfit - start with a hair shirt and then accessorise with a liberal sprinkling of martyrdom. I think it will really suit you.

CERVIX. (actually shouting) I would do exactly this and it is ridiculous. You are cutting your nose off to spite your face. You are going to miss out on a good do because you'll be there all evening resenting the fact that you can't drink because your DH is being selfish. You will cause this problem for yourself.

Take the offer of a lift. You can still sulk if you like but don't carry on with making life tougher for yourself because of it.

Honestly, it's stupid. Take the lift.

I'm also starting to pity AYC's DP. I don't think he needs to apologise. He just didn't think you wanted a lift because you didn't ask him. When you pointed this put he offered to give you a lift. He made a mistake that's all and we all do this sometimes.

Oh god. another thing to add to my list of what i need therapy for. my complete inability to ask for anything. i just can't. i will sit and chunter and sulk but not say 'please can i have x, y or z'

and don't feel sorry for him; he is a git and has hurt my feelings.

It is NOT acceptable for any partner to happily leave their other half alone half pissed in a bus station/stop at night. I would never do it, anything could happen - he is a dick if he doesn't see that.

Honestly I'm the same - in your shoes right now I'd be stamping around muttering 'I can't believe you're making me get the bus home pissed' in the hope that the offer of a lift would resurrect itself and I could grudgingly accept this time. Any chance of that happening?

If not, you need to just do it. This can either end with you being chauffeured to and from the party, having a brilliant time and the delights of a nice warm car to fall into pissed, or with you driving there and back sulking and having a massive argument when you get home, by which point it's too late as you've already had the night out. You KNOW this. Just ask for the lift.

Sulking as an alternative to asking is passive-aggressive behaviour. It is an attempt to guilt-trip someone else into doing what you want them to do. At its heart it is manipulative behaviour. (And I say this as someone who used to often behave in much the same way when I was younger.)

If one of your DCs sulked in an attempt to get his/her own way over something they feel is an injustice, would you give in? Or would you ignore the sulking and expect them to talk to you properly about what they want?