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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect 'D'P to offer me a lift?

72 replies

AtYourCervix · 22/09/2011 21:07

Going out to mates wedding.
Public transport is shite and expensive. I could get a bus home at either 9.15 or 11. it would take over an hour to do a 20 minute journey and cost best part of £10.

bus station is in a shite area of town. I would be alone.

'D'H helpfully pointed out that at least I could get a return ticket to which I may have raised my voice a touch and pointed out that I thought it a bit mean of him to not even offer to give me a lift there - let alone home again.

I have frequently offered to pick up a drunken 'D'H to save on untrustworthy buses or expensive taxis.

I am inscensed that he hasn't even offered to come and pick me up. I am flabbergasted that he hasn't offered to drop me off.

AIU to expect the offer of a lift? or is he U to not?

OP posts:

BrikSchittHaus · 22/09/2011 21:47

kill him

and never drive him anywhere again

susiedaisy · 22/09/2011 21:48

He is being bloody thoughtless and I would be pissed off if it was my dp , it's give and take isn't it,

susiedaisy · 22/09/2011 21:52

I know plenty of friends, and co workers who's dp, collect them and friends after a night out and even drop other people off home, they don't do it every week but on special nights out in town etc loads of partners do it for their other halves, unfortunately my exH wasn't one of them

clam · 22/09/2011 21:52

I don't expect it. But he wouldn't see me waiting around for a bus late at night on my own. I would probably try to organise a lift from someone going my way, or decide not to drink and therefore drive myself, but he always offers to come and get me - and that might include dropping off one or two others en route, but their DHs take their turns too.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/09/2011 21:59

YANBU. Sorry to boast, but my DH would assume he was transporting me in the circumstances described, and vice versa. And has done so in the past.

ShoutyHamster · 22/09/2011 22:10

Git indeed. Last comfy late night lift he gets, eh?

mumblejumble · 22/09/2011 22:24

I would get a cab there and back. Put some money aside for that now, and don't offer to pick him up again.

baskingseals · 22/09/2011 22:32

i think he has really hurt your feelings.
for that he is a total nob.

get a cab home and flirt with the best looking man at the wedding all night.
don't let this ruin your evening

AnyFucker · 22/09/2011 22:33

You know never to put yourself out and pick him up from anywhere again, don't you ?

blackeyedsusan · 22/09/2011 22:40

ahh well, least you never have to turn out for him again!

Shutupanddrive · 23/09/2011 07:23

Just ask him!!

diddl · 23/09/2011 07:34

When you offer to pick him up, does he take up the offer?

If so he should surely offer the same?

ChippingIn · 23/09/2011 07:42

What a git. I'd be really hurt that someone who is supposed to love & care about me more than anyone else wouldn't automatically ask what time do you want me to drop you off and tell you to call when you are ready to be picked up.

I've travelled all over the world, to some well dodgy places, on my own. I still travel alone and at night - so I'm no wuss at all, but there's no way I'd be with someone who didn't automatically make my life easier for me when they could easily do it and would have me standing around dodgy bus stations when it could be easily avoided.

Is he usually this much of a git?

WoodBetweenTheWorlds · 23/09/2011 07:52

How old are the kids? Does he know agree that they are old enough to be left?

GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 23/09/2011 07:58

AYC, you sound like a big wuss crossed with martyr here; that's not like you! If you want a lift, ask him! He knows the buses are fine, so he wouldn't guess that you wanted him to change his plans to collect you.

Bus stations are often grotty, but they're usually well CCTVd, and you don't have to hang around there for long. And you get to choose what time you come home, without DP wanting to come before/after his favourite programme/in time for last orders/quick while the pizza's in the oven. Additionally, the more people avoid bus stations, the grottier they get, reducing the freedom of our young and old especially.

I hope you have a lovely evening, but don't let it be spoiled by DP's inability to mind-read.

Piggles · 23/09/2011 08:07

DH and I do not often go out separately to get trollied have a few drinks, but there would be no need for either of us to have to ask the other for a ride. We would both just assume we were on taxi-duty.

So you are correct, he is a trifle gittish for not offering, especially if you turn out for him.

So you know what you'll be doing next time he wants a loving wifely taxi service... large bottle of something very boozy, raised middle finger and a straw.

AvaLafff · 23/09/2011 08:20

why all the games? why not just ask him to give you a lift

whatdoiknowanyway · 23/09/2011 08:20

Some men just don't think.

My friend took her elderly mum to her aunties funeral 200 miles away. It was winter and snowing, she was 6 months pregnant.

On arrival back at their home station at around 10pm, after a long train journey and distressing day they had to walk along dark, slippy paths to where they had left their car and then drive home through the falling snow.

Her DH couldn't collect her as he had a big meeting the next day and needed his sleep...

prolificwillybreeder · 23/09/2011 08:27

YANBU. Sometimes some men are right idiotic gits. My 'd' p is primarily one of these men

zest01 · 23/09/2011 09:40

I think yab a bit U as you do have other options, such as not drinking and driving yourself home. Our kids are too young to be left so if I go out for an evening I have to make my own arrangements to get home which might include staying over at a friends, taking turns with my friends to be designated driver, making sure I have put aside funds for a cab or if I'm that skint that I can't afford to get home safely, not going in the firts place!

If our kids were older my DH would probably offer to collect me but I would feel bad about asking him tbh as it means dictating his evening ie he cannot have a drink or go to bed if he's tired which seems unfair.

There are odd occasions when I have got the kids up and gone to pick DH up but they are few and far between when the occasion was major and the cost of getting home was off puttingly expensive (I'm talking £45 for a cab)

If you are always picking him up and he doesn't do the same for you then perhaps you have a point but maybe you should just not bother in future and let him make his own way home too.

Sorry but as an grown woman I think you should be capable of getting yourself home as should he when he goes out as a grown man!

Original poster

AtYourCervix · 23/09/2011 09:55

I have sunk into childish sulking.

'D'H just suggested he come to pick me up to which I replied that I would drive myself as he was only offering now because I suggested it would be the nice thing to do - rather than offering in the first place.

So I have just fucked up my chance of a lift. bolocks.

BUT> I shouldn't have to ask and it shouldn't be a big deal. But it has becme one and I am excessively pissed off with him.

OP posts:

diddl · 23/09/2011 09:57

Ooh-I can see why you´re pissed off, but don´t cut off your nose to spite your face.

mumeeee · 23/09/2011 10:00

Yes perhaps he should have offered you a lift. But you should actually ask him as he may not of thought you wanted one.

TequillaMockingBird · 23/09/2011 10:01

Since no-one else has said it I guess I will take up the slack...

leave the bastard.

mumeeee · 23/09/2011 10:02

Just seen you last post. You are being very childish now. As I said before he probably just didn't think to offer you a lift.

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