To Say No to DSs Attending FIL's Funeral?

[Highlander]

he's dying as I type, from dementia. Although nearly 94, it will not be a 'happy' elderly person's funeral as poor FIL has suffered tremendously in the last week. SIL and MIL have been by his bedside constantly and they are absolutely traumatised by having to watch FIL die so slowly. He is very comfortable, but doped to the eyeballs with sedatives and morphine.

We have to fly to see them and DH has been back and forward over the week. He's there now and will stay until FIL dies, hopefully in the next 48 hours.

There will be a wake, which DH doesn't think is appropriate for the DSs, more because it goes on for a few days and we'll be expected to stay in the house to receive visitors.

I don't object to the DSs going to a funeral, but MIL says it will be over an hour and she wants us there.

I'm a bit worried about the hysteria; DH says SIL is in orbit at the moment and we'll be under the same roof.

didnt read all the posts but my dd and ds went to my grandmothers fruneral at 5 and 9.
9 yr old was devastated and 5 yr old was just amazed by the whole thing.
I was the one that had arranged everything and they knew there was cake! we came out of the crem for the youngest to ask if the party was next.

TBH they are more devastated about gran not being here then the actual funeral x

I would have expected to have a lot more sympathy for the OP, but you do seem very dismissive of other people's grief (and their right to express it) and tbh hysteria seems to be coming more from you than anyone else. Go, stay in a hotel, ask your dc if they want to attend funeral, and try not to let everyone see how little time you have for them.

My post was overly-harsh, I know you want to protect your dc but comments like rubberkneckers really don't do any favours.

my family have always done all kids at funerals - babies, toddlers, young, older... it's just normal for us. i have never heard of keeping children away till i read MN.

i think that your own family norms are important - if the other people around see it as normal or if they wonder about it being 'appropriate'.

our extended family are catholic though so most kids quite good in church.. goodness knows what mine will be like (we're atheist).