To hope my SIL has a difficult baby

[bounceyball]

My SIL has given my DH and me so much grief over the past years about what we should do with our dc (now 7 and 4). Apparently we should take them to outer africa to experience other cultures (When they were 2 and 4), All sleep in the living room in her flat on the sofas (when youngest dc was a baby and not sleeping through the night). There are so many other occasions like this plus a load of grief from the start about why i wasn't going straight back to work etc. We have just found out she is pregnant and i secretly hope her baby cries a lot and is generally difficult. Just after my oldest ds was born she said she wished she could have a baby too so she could have a bit of time relaxing off work. I have felt belittled by her over the years. AIBU?

I do sympathise OP.

My cousin is having a baby with his girlfriend, and they are nice enough people and we all get on quite well. But until my DC was about 6 months, I had horrendous PND and generally had a really rough time, even though my son was a good baby. Hence why we have decided to keep him as the only one for a good while longer, perhaps forever.

Anyway, my cousin asked me when I was going to have another one and looked at me like this when I told him we had no plans to. He told me that he and his gf were going to start trying for another baby when their current (and unborn) child was 3 months old, and hopefully have another one after that.

And I just thought 'you just wait and see!' I didn't say anything, just smiled and nodded because as we all know, a baby doesn't have to be a crier to be difficult! The whole thing can just knock you for six!

YANBU Hell, you're only human and a little resentment is what keeps us fresh. But you do realise that her baby will be PERFECT in every regard? It will be more advanced than yours at the same age, display hints of genius in its every fart and will be the mind-numbingly boring subject of all her conversations from here on in. You ain't seen nothing yet.

It's true Cogito - be warned OP

I don´t really get why OP is resentful though.

Sounds as if SIL is an opinionated bore best avoided/ignored.

Why does what she say bother you so much, OP?

I can understand why you feel that way.

I had a really rough time and one of my dcs was very difficult with health issues and she has then gone on to have an argumentative and very emotional personality. I have a friend whose kids are so laid back and easy going and she's had no such difficulties, so I do often find myself hoping that one of hers will go through the same awkward state mine is in most of the time. Mostly so that she will just stop saying "oh I just explain why to mine and that is enough, why don't you try that" when I am talking about mines non stop screaming tantrums! Of course it's never occured to me to explain anything to my kids!

I understand the resentment.... It's the cumulative, undermining effect of the opinionated bore saying 'you know you're doing that all wrong' that gets to you in the end. You get sensitised to it.... waiting for it even. Low level snarking. Never quite offensive for you to be able to justify punching them up the hooter. And you can always think what you should have said back 20 minutes after they've left the room... Very frustrating.

Am I close?

YANBU, it's not like you're actively doing anything to ensure she has a difficult time.
I had an ex colleague like this, she sailed through childbirth, baby was an angel, life was a breeze. I on the other hand had a difficult delivery, baby was in special care, and then didn't sleep through the night for 2 years.
Found out later, colleague had terrible piles at end of pregnancy and afterwards. Karma catches up with everyone eventually.

Extremely close I would imagine Cognito

YANBU - my lovely sister had 2 amazingly good babies who slept 17 hours a day until they were 2 , never had tantrums, never woke up upset because they were ill or teething - never met babies like them before or since.
She was so smug that it was her superior parenting that made them so good, and made me feel like shit because my babies did not sleep.

Until she had dc3. He was still a good baby, but with normal levels of good baby-ness. She didn't know what had hit her. Couldn't understand why he wasn't sleeping through 13 hours a night by the time he was 6 weeks old.
And only then did she understand that her first two were unusually good.
So YANBU at all.

You are right on every count Cognito! I just know already her baby will be perfect and more advanced in every way than mine because she did xy and z that i didn't!

faverolles That's the touble I have with my friend, she assumes it's her fantastic parenting that has made her dcs so laid back and that I must be doing it all wrong.

YANBU. I bet you can't wait to recycle some of her suggestions.
Clearly some other posters have never encountered a smug armchair expert.

I understand why you feel this way BUT a 'difficult' baby may be one with lots of colic or some other physical discomfort which makes them unhappy and cry (cos obviously they can't talk!) so you are in effect wishing something not too nice on a baby. For that reason I feel you are being v v unreasonable!

Can't you wish her a too tight episiotomy scar or something

This is funny because me and my sister have both had 2 colicky screaming all the time babies each and I am due dc3 anytime soon - i think she is hoping i have another difficult one to put her off dc3 herself! X

Even if she has an easy baby (is there such a thing) she will soon realise what is and isn't achievable with a small baby.....

I want an easy baby so much I know I'm going to get reflux and colic worse that the previous 2.

Her Knidness asked what I wanted to know... Where is Outer Africa?

I secretly did (because SIL nicked the name for dd1 that I wanted for my dd, and she could be unbearably smug about my ds1) and then when her dd2 was born, she was diagnosed with a potentially life-limiting condition. Seeing her and her dh struggle with that was not something I'd wish on my worst enemy.

Thankfully her dd has been given pretty much the all clear, but never will I wish anything less than lovely on anyone else.

If her baby is super-perfect, you can always remind yourself (and her) that "the squeaky wheel gets the grease". For example, there is no chance of a teacher's ignoring my little sparkler!

If she does have a placid baby, you should pity it, as it will be easy to ignore. Actually, pity it, no matter what. The poor child may need that pity, either for having a smug mother, or for having a mother who has been broken and humbled.

Of course you are a bit mean but who wouldn't be? She sounds like a real pain in the butt. Before I had my child I was going to be the perfect mother, my child was not going to have a dummy stuffed in his face lasted 2 days I was going to follow my birthplan out the window and would never raise my voice to my child think that one lasted two or three years forget now.

Wake up call time coming. Enjoy the view!!! I think you've earned it.

Hmmm I do understand where you're coming from OP as I had a similar problem with DH's SIL. My God she was a sly, smug, arrogant cow who'd be constantly making snide remarks about DD1 not sleeping, what she ate, even what wipes we used. Even though her behaviour was really damaging at the time, I couldn't help but chuckle to myself when her 2nd DC was born that they had the same problems that we'd had with our first.

YANBU. However, she will probably have a very easy baby, Karma and so on...

YABU and a bit mean

Also, she might have a very difficult baby and cope effortlessly