mother in law and refluux

[Beautifulbabyboy]

I have a beautiful baby boy, and i am writing this to prevent myself from going downstairs and waking my husband up and shouting at him (though for the record he is an amazing husband!).

Anyway, my little one has writhed and strained a lot (70%) of the night in his sleep since he was 2 weeks old - it was dismissed as wind / colic by health visitors and midwives. When asked by the midwives is there any history of reflux in your family, i said no on my part, and asked my mother in law about husband's side of the family, to which i was told "no" - in fact she was very defensive and said there is nothing wrong with my family / genes (not that i was implying a blame game - just trying to find out if there was any more info i could give).

It was silent reflux to start, and so based on family history and lack of vomiting i didn't push as hard with doctors as i would have done (which is now killing me - i think it is the guilt with myself that is making me mad). But it turns out that my husband's younger sister has suffered badly with reflux all her life - to the point of needing an operation on her stomach a few years ago. Yet my mother in law didn't think this important enough to tell me... (this only came to light by me asking lots and lots of questions)

Now I am sat in the kitchen with my beautiful baby boy who can only be calmed near the extractor fan or he is inconsolable, and I am so annoyed that we only started the medication today, instead of 3 weeks ago and prevented him from getting in the pain he is - and the vomiting beginning which is distressing for him and scary for me.

Other than this she is a great mother in law - but the territorial defence of her family medical history has really angered me. As i said the anger is probably fuelled by my guilt at ignoring my instincts, but i needed to rant somewhere to prevent me waking my husband and ranting at him.

Rant over - thanks for listening. x

Your beautiful DS is now getting the help he needs. I know you want to rip shreds off everyone who is responsible for the slightest pain he feels (including yourself ). Just think about all the love and learning he will get from your DH and MiL. It will more than make up for this time. Unless they do anything else, in which case have fun kicking their arses!

I'm not surprised you are so mad, I would be. Did she give a reason for not telling you?

Surely your husband will have known that his own sister has suffered with digestive problems her whole life and that she had an operation?

Why on earth did he not think to mention it?

Thanks MrsTP - I know you are right. I veer between crying over not trusting my gut instincts and wanting to punch someone - unfortunately can't punch myself (i have tried though!), hence i think the desire to go and punch her.

Love Being Mummy - She gave no reason for not telling me. it was just loosely mentioned it after I kept asking as though it wasn't connected - it was like a light bulb moment for me - followed by emergency trip to doctor with new information. My boy is now on meds - and paed consultant appointment is to follow.

The problem is that everything I have asked about medical history is met with a sharp denial - and I wouldn't mind but there are some quite serious illnesses in the family with proven genetic links. Hence my wish to say to her, in future any symptom I mention if it triggers any association, you have to tell me. But she is very defensive. The problem is I come from a very open/close family and know all the medical history of aunts/uncles/cousins. Hubby comes from a mixed family - step parents / children etc so he doesn't know all the information. Sister is actually a half sister.

I could probably be more angry with hubby, but he doesn't know half sister very well (big age gap) and he is suffering with me - it is breaking his heart as well, that I just can't get angry with him (I have a little bit though....) We are currently operating in shifts to calm DS and snatch sleep where we can.

I have to say ranting on here really works - normally when angry I can't calm myself until I have said something to person concerned (even if i am being unreasonable!) but now feel sufficiently calm to have rational discussion with her in the morning about family history. Have to go screaming started again. :-(

Oh it's hard but it's really not your mil fault - reflux can occur without a family history too. My DD has silent reflux caused by intolerances and honestly you are lucky that your hv even believes that reflux exists as many hv's and gp's don't.

My parents also think I am being pfb and that it's just wind.

Come join us on the breast/bottle-feeding forum as we have a reflux support thread.

Sorry but you ABU..

Ok am back- DS asleep on chest. Laptop on knees. Thanks Bubaandbump - i know I am being unreasonable. It's just so hard to stay calm and rational in the middle of the night when my gorgeous boy is in pain. Fortunately by ranting here I will have avoided big family row (which I probably would then have to apologise for!)

My GP was brilliant when we went - am so thankful they listened and cared. I have just found the reflux pages and will no doubt be on there a lot now. :-(

With the right meeds and a bit of time, it will get better.

Am I right in assuming you have tried a dairy and soya free diet if ebf? A lot of reflux babies scream in the evenings but sleep well at night - it's the protein intolerance ones that seem to have it the worst in the early hours of the mornings. If not ebf and you have a sympathetic gp, you could try nutramigen or neocate formula to see if it makes a difference. Both have to be done for 3 weeks but it literally turned our lives around.

So sorry about your boy's reflux! It's a hellish condition - both my 8 month old twins have it and we've been at the edge of sanity. (come and see the rants on the reflux support thread in bottle/breast feeding!) FWIW I don't think people always join up symptoms somehow. Despite my mum being with me constantly since my twins were born it was only recently that she lightly dropped into conversation that she had to wrap me in a bedsheet, over my clothes if we were all going out anywhere as I'd invariably cover everyone in sick! How she didn't join that up with what's happening with my twins, I don't know. (One has silent reflux, the other has more classic reflux).

By way of reassurance once our paediatrician sorted their meds out, my boys have been different babies, and they SLEEP! (They still have one night feed/early morning which I've just done.) It took a lot to get all the drugs in, at the right time - buy yourself about 10 syringes and then prefil them each morning and keep them inside a sterile bottle so they're always ready. You'd think the filled syringes would leak but they don't!) We also found that changing onto (two types of) prescription formula made a big difference, again under the supervision of the paediatrician. And my boys only started sleeping totally flat in the last few weeks. When they were tiny they slept in their bouncy chairs, on vibrate, slightly tipped to the left.

This will pass - honest. V best wishes, hope your child is back to full health soon. X

Thanks baby and bump. I am not breastfeeding as DS had tongue tie which proved problematic. Will definitely look at that formula and protein intolerance. At least being awake in the early hours means lots of research can be done! (a weak joke - but I am trying to smile :) )

I was the same - my iPad has been my saviour! Same old story but a lot of GP's don't understand cows milk protein intolerances but we are under a leading gastro paed at great ormond street and it seems that a lot of reflux is caused by this.

If you take a look at the nz website crying over spilt milk, the first step on diagnosing reflux is to remove dairy. On the plus side, it's really easy to do on formula whereas I am currently on a dairy, soya, wheat and eggs exclusion diet. Don't let the GP fob you off with soya formula either- babies who are cmpi often react as strongly to soya.

If the GP won't play, you can order nutramigen over the counter at the chemist to see if it helps, although you need to use it for 3 weeks. If it does, then get it on prescription as it's expensive.

Hth - it will get better.

Have you been to any bf support groups as it is very possible to bf with Tongue tie and baby can have it snipped? Or have you tried expressing as your own milk will really be beneficial especially with reflux

Your mil is being ridiculous and dangerous by not being open

Thanks Bag of Holly - am worried that as hubby's half sister appears to have had it into adulthood my poor DS may be one of the unlucky ones who doesn't grow out of it (but am trying to squash those negative thoughts as they just make me more anxious).

With regards to sleeping DS hates being laid flat on his back unless he is v tired. We have the moses basket tilted to help but now I am terrified he will choke on all his vomit if I leave him the few times when I can put him flat. Can anyone reassure me on this??

I have to say this is a fab support network - where else could you get instant replies from people suffering from the same thing! The fact we are all up makes me feel less lonely - and something my hubby will appreciate as I am therefore less likely to go and wake him up for moral support/company. We both need as much sleep as we can get! He works shifts so will appreciate an extra few hours this morning.

Buba - have been on great ormonde street website. Found name of consultant specialising in reflux - am going to phone GP first thing and say that is the consultant we want - fingers crossed.

Thanks wild hair running - unfortunately baby boy is 5 weeks old and breast milk has long since evaporated. I am so upset myself with not trying to breastfeed longer through the issues with tongue tie - I just didn't see reflux coming. I hate hindsight...

Why did they not give you the medicine 3 weeks ago though if your son was suffering? My son has reflux and i was never asked about family history they just treated his symptoms but I agree she was out of order to not tell you the truth before now.

Holly my DD had silent reflux despite being breastfed. That said (and I say this quite tentatively because I don't think I'd have the strength to do it in your position so in no way am I saying you should...) but at 5 weeks you could probably relactate if you tried. But I'm only throwing that out there, I know you're at the end of your rope - if you look at the rope carefully my initials are on it right down there...

BTW, DD is now 2, and it's all a distant memory and she's a great eater / sleeper / napper. Hope that helps too.

I didn't address the main issue! MILs go bonkers on the arrival of a new baby. There ought to be a syndrome name for it. Something about the DIL suddenly becoming more important, and worries that makes them less important, and worries this means they are no longer the centre of the family.

I think 3 weeks ago we were dismissed as hyper new parents who didn't understand that babies cry. It is only now as we have grown in confidence to challenge what they are saying that we started to be taken seriously and from then on the GP has been great.

Thanks Robotindisguise - that rope has turned into a thin piece of string...but hey at least it is dawn....I cope better when its light, but then i think everyone does.

ha ha Robotindisguise - that comment about MILs has made me laugh. Thanks so much I needed that!!

It does calm down

What have you been given? Gaviscon, ranitidine or domperidone?

Keep talking to the doctos because it may not be reflux. My baby DS was misdiagnosed with reflux at 2 - 3 weeks for a very short time before it was finally diagnosed as pyloric stenosis. The latter is more difficult to spot and requires an operation to correct, not medication.

ranitidine so far...must go screaming started again :-((

OP, you poor thing. You and DH must be drained.

Your instincts, now that your baby is born are heightened now so to see DS in pain understandably turns you into mother-lioness. I don't blame you one bit for wanting to lash out.

That said, and I could be wrong, but maybe your MIL is from a generation that believe some babies to just be criers. My own mother was one and still says that my elder brother "did nothing but scream". When I think of that I shudder because there was a probable physical cause . All ignorance I suppose, but maybe she didn't actually think about it, and just put your DS down to be a crier .

On a different note, my god-son suffered with reflux (he's a happy reflux-free 4 year old now) and my friend carried him around in a sling, both in and outside the home. It was a stretchy, jersey wrap (there's plenty around), so it was soft and comfy with no fiddly straps. Keeping him upright helped enormously (plus it kept him close and freed up her hands to do loads of other bits in the home in the meantime).

HTH and good luck with everything (but try not to be too angry for long - it'll only eat you up and waste your energy).