To think that we shouldn't encourage people to write complain letters

[Laquitar]

When someone is 'fuming' about a shop assistant, a waitress, a cleaner etc and comes here there are often posters who shout 'write a complain', 'how dare she', 'sack the lazy bitch', 'do it, you will get refound '.

We weren't there and we don't know what happened. Some people 'fume' very easily and some OPs only write half the story. In these days when people fear about their jobs why take pleasure to cause problems in someones life? This 'rude bitch' you want to get sacked might be in some threads here i.e. 'i can't sleep because of our debts', 'how to support my mother who's having chemotherapy', 'i need to hold on my job in order to leave my abusive dh' or 'my manager is on me because i took a day off when my dc was ill last week. Imagine having to deal with the complain letter on top.

But i'm not talking only about women. How would you like it if your dh come home upset after problems with the manager because someone was bored and wrote a complain letter?

And those who shout 'good on you, be assertive', this is not assertiveness, its nastiness imo. After all an assertive person will confront the situation on the spot (if he/she is really right). She won't go home, change the details of the story and write a letter.

cornflowers, i 've read that thread and replied. But no, its not about that thread there have been 100s like that and i always wanted to discuss this.
I 'm reading all the posts and i do try to see the point of those who disagree.

You should complain, but not go over the top. Don't make it more than it was.

I think it works better anyway if you can write "your service is usually very good, but..."

YABU.

Letters of complaint are not about trying to get a waitress sacked if she gives you a dirty look the day her cat was put down.

Letters of complaint are vital in my opinion. MY DH's bank continually take random amounts out of his bank account, and then fine him for it not being there. They are number one in the country for customer complaints. Without complaints we cannot have improvement.

If you were running a business and losing customers, would you like to know why via complaint letters or would you just let things go downhill?

Or how about the baby scan I went for that told me my 3 yr old couldn't come in which meant my DH couldn't come in either? My letter of complaint ensured that this "no siblings" policy was put in all appt letters- no nasty surprises on the day with DCs and DHs being turned away.

Or the letter of complaint to the Valuation Office that got our Council tax band reduced?

This country will be famous for its rude and bad service if we continue to accept it. As other posters have said, one letter of complaint hardly ever leads to a sacking. Maybe a sixth letter about the same issue might lead to disciplinary, but why shouldn't it if things haven't improved?

"When we read threads here we don't know what has really happened."

Which is why 'write a letter of complaint' is often the best advice. People love hopping up and down on message boards about supposedly bad customer service when a) the service wasn't that bad and b) they would never have the balls to complain for real. There's one on in Chat at the moment about 'TWUNTING TESCO!!!' when all they've done is mis-deliver one lousy bottle of vinegar. And how about the lovely 'dirty bicycle in Morrisons' story? Say 'write a letter of complaint' and few would carry through. Or they'll write about the dirty bicycle tyres and Morrisons will pin the letter up on the staff noticeboard so everyone can enjoy the joke. Problem over.

Spanish speaker or not some of your posting towards me is actually quite rude.

Irma you 've been rude first and for no reason. Yes, bye.

Cogito, good point. And i must search for the dirty bicycle thread, i 'm curious now.

Nesta 'this country will be famous for its rude and bad service'. Really, i thought the opposite. But maybe because i spend time in countries like Spain and Cyprus and i compare the service here with that. I don't think Britain is famous for rude and bad service, in the rest of Europe they talk with praise about it.

In comparison with the service you can get in Belgium, the service in the UK can be appalling.

You have also been rude to Irma again; this is a free board, and anyone can post anywhere. Perhaps manners aren't taught in your part of Spain?

scary who is VERY rude and patronising now

I am neither rude nor patronising. You, however, are very rude in telling Irma 'Yes, bye' and in your earlier posts to her. As you say you come across as unintentionally angry because you are not a native English speaker, you may not also be aware that you come across as rude. I am merely pointing that out to you..

If you dish it out on AIBU, then you have to learn to take it too.

just because have you have issues does not equal being rude to people!

so YABU

the UK has SHIT service and should be improved

I think letters of complaint when justified are fine. I work in a complaints dept and you should see what we have to deal with though! It's all about compensation, 'I was kept waiting for x so I want compensation' etc. It's come to the point that a lot of people if they don't get what they want, immediately (sometimes not possible, not down to incompetence of staff or whatever) then they will throw a strop at the person they are talking to and demand compensation.

Where is my compensation for being spoken to like a piece of shit for doing my job? Or for giving you an answer you don't want to hear? Where is my compensation for being made to cry by someone so unbelievably unreasonable they decided to make personal remarks about me when talking to me over the phone?

Ok, rant over!

When I write a complaint letter though, I don't want compensation; I want the situation to be improved or resolved. I want the bus for ds to turn up on time; I want the bank to get my address right, and stop sending dh my running away account statements!

Having worked in CTax for several years before teaching, then yes, I know people can be shitty, but I think they just want someone to take ownership of the problem and let them know it is being sorted and how, and if it can't be, then why not.

I also think that not being able to speak to someone who perhaps has more oversight of a problem can get wearing. I normally point out politely that I am about to lose my rag, and that the person to whom I am speaking is not paid enough to deal with me when I get going, so they might like to pass me on to someone else. It normally works.

If someone receives bad service from a rude employee then they have the right to complain so YABU. Service can't, and won't, improve unless management knows that there is a problem with service and they'll only know if a complaint is made. However, I do agree that some people like to complain even when there's nothing to complain about.

Btw I notice you don't include bus drivers in this thread. Does that mean I can complain about them?

in my experience most of the time its the customer who is being a tit in the first place.

There is a huge difference between complaining properly and just moaning or ranting,. A well thought out, well worded letter will get results in a way that being rude, losing your temper etc won't.
I think people should complain if they are getting poor service and writing a letter is a good way to do it. You have to be quite motivated though, to actually sit down and writ it - I suppose the fact of doing that separates the moaners from those with a justifiable complaint. And they say that for every complant letter there are 10 more dissatisfied customers who haven't bothered to write.

Scarryteacher, yes you have been rude and patronising. Not only that but your posts come across as personal attacks (unlike irma who at least had an issue with my specific op). Your posts to me are not even about the subject we are discussing

You just stormed in to attack me -and to re attack me every time i open my mouth-(pretending that you are defending someone else). It is fine to dislike someone because of different views on your favourite subjects like for example 'our lovely Dave', 'lovely private schools', and 'lovely Army' but coming into my thread and suddenly attacking me and patronise me about my part of Spain just makes you sound like a bully.

Laquitar - I criticised you because you were very rude to Irma, and you may not have been aware how rude you were sounding. I have not been patronising either. Had it been a personal attack, rather than me pointing out you were rude, then, then you would have known about it.

I think YABU for all the reasons above - complaint is one of the ways things improve, and a letter, sent recorded and signed for, has to be acted on one way or another as it leaves a paper trail.

I am so touched that you have bothered to research my views ; but I don't think I have posted about 'lovely Dave', and whilst I support HM Forces, I am a Navy wife not an Army one, so I don't think I would have posted 'lovely Army', as they wear the wrong colour and don't have submarines. I also am state educated and was a state school teacher, who can't see why there shouldn't be a choice of education.

MN has freedom of speech - if you don't like what's posted on AIBU, or don't want to get pulled up for being rude to Irma, (and she thought you were rude as well), then don't post. It's a contentious part of MN. For the record, all the Spaniards I know are very polite, which was why I thought you may not have realised that you were coming across as rude.

Irma's first post on this thread was to correct the OP's grammar. I can see why the Op got shirty when it's quite clear what she meant.

Hello scaryteacher - long time no see!

Laquitar - you like the AIBU threads don't you? So you should realise how these threads go and that not everyone will agree with you. Especially when your OP is so vague. You have been asked to what exactly you are referring to and as far as I am aware, you haven't given a reply. What replies you have given to posters have been very short and blunt.

There are situations where a complaint letter is more than appropriate and there are situations where people are just being moany and are after a freebie. So unless you can point to a specific thread, or a specific situation then I am inclined to say that yes, you are being unreasonable for failing to give adequate grounds for your rant

Scaryteacher stop using Irma as an excuse for your bullying. Irma was rude to me and i reacted to that and then it was over. You just grabed the opportunity to attack me.

No matter how many times you repeat that you haven't been rude and patronising it is all there written, the whole thread is there, who said what and when and who started. All the insults, the sarcasm and everything is written there. It doesn't matter how many times you try to twist everything or your friends join in.

As for research, none of us needs to do any as we are both regulars here and 'know' each other.

Amazing thank you so much it really means a lot.

I thought it was a simple debate (it is not a hot subject or politics or something) and people will either agree or disagree, i didn't expect people to go bullistic with this OP. It sounded a bit ranty (i have apologised for that) and it had a spelling mistake, i didn't expect this to cause such anger and insults. I'm quite and and a bit too.

Chaotic thank you. you made me smile again re the bus drivers i remember that.

Thank you to everybody else and sorry for not commenting to all the posts and for the turn that the thread has taken.

Whoa! Small over-reaction! Do you lot have previous or something?

Bloody hell, talk about childish! Laquitar you can't start a thread in AIBU and then expect all polite agreements - you frequent the AIBUs quite a lot and should really know that. You got lots of contributing posts that you ignored just to further a stupid argument with Irma that has spiralled as you've both gone completely over the top.

It's hardly debatable material, it's a bit of a weird question that can have no specific answer because there are lots of different circumstances involved in every single incident - what answers were you hoping for exactly? You don't point to a specific incident just a general allusion to threads on Mumsnet that might not tell the full story. Yeah, most threads on Mumsnet don't tell the full story, most conversations are one-sided but that doesn't stop people from giving advice does it?

I find this whole thread and the reactions on it extremely puzzling - is it full moon tonight?

'Scaryteacher stop using Irma as an excuse for your bullying. Irma was rude to me and i reacted to that and then it was over. You just grabed the opportunity to attack me.'

I'm not using her as an excuse for anything. You said in one of your posts that English is not your first language and that sometimes you come across as angry and don't mean to do so. I have pointed out that sometimes you have come across as rude and maybe don't realise it, as English is not your native tongue. That is all. If you can't deal with that being pointed out, then perhaps AIBU is not the place to post. I don't know you from Adam, and can't recall coming across you before, so am unsure why you think I would bother to bully and attack you.

No previous as far as I know Rhubarb! Long time no see as well.

I think complaint letters should be handled on a case-by-case basis. I don't write them very often because I often take a couple of days to calm down first, I think about if I'd said anything to make the situation worse and I think about whether it is a regular occurrence in that store or just once. If I'm still bothered a few days later then I complain because in my opinion that member of staff needs retraining. The only things I really complain about are unjustified attacking behaviour and inappropriate behaviour that has had a direct, lasting effect on me (such as a member of staff grabbing my ass in sainsburys).

Complaining can have serious repercussions on someone so I always think about it first. I do think that if the situation is serious enough though that we should definitely do it. Complaining because someone didn't say thank you when they gave me my bag isn't really worth it because it was probably a one off, can be sorted out there, and isn't really worth the time it takes to write the letter, find the contact details, send it, etc. So I think it should be handled on a case by case basis.

My mum has a 'friend' that writes dozens of complaint letters every week in order to get free stuff. She often makes up scenarios but when you tell her that what she is doing is wrong she just doesn't care. My mum told me that she'd (the friend) actually been banned from most of the high street stores in her area because they'd caught her out too many times. Extreme but I can believe it. She is pretty horrendous. If anybody on here does that, please don't. It isn't nice.